This last week has been terribly challenging for me emotionally. I've run the gammit of high's and lows and I realized that I was stuck on a low for way too long. So I decided right then to put to the test the challenge to count your blessings when down. Of course that decision was several days ago and I've been trying to make time to write everyday since, but better late then never, right. This may be a little bit of a challenge for me until my mind opens and allows goodness to come out again, but I've got to stop the venom of self pity and feelings of failure from doing anymore damage to myself, my children, my sweet husband, or any others.
1- Since today is Sunday, and this is most pressing on my thoughts right now, I'll begin with the fact that I was released from my teaching position in the Relief Society (that's not what I'm calling a blessing because I loved that calling and it caused me to grow so much), but I immediately was extended a new calling that...well, quite frankly...scares me to death. I'm counting it as a blessing because, oh boy, is it ever going to make me grow and develop in ways that I wouldn't have pursued on my own. I can't go into any details at this point, but I think I'd probably be more comfortable with any other calling (minus playing the piano) than this one I just received. I'm not sure what the Lord saw in me to receive this calling, but it's definately one that I'm not prepared for and will grow from.
2- We will probably get financing fairly soon to buy a house. YEAH!!!! Unfortunately, I don't think it will be this house. We've lived here for over 3 years and been perfectly content and intending to purchase when that time came. So why my (and all of my family members) discontent has been compounded so much lately, I'm not sure other than a message that we are not to buy this house.
The functional & space inadequacies, frustrations with the distance & expense, and several other issues seems to be so much more important now then it ever has been before. I'm seeing this as a blessing that we have endured the dysfunction so well for so long (God has made our burden light), and also the hope that we will get into a house that will better meet our needs.
3- I've received a promise that my infection will be healed. I've had this infection that is not only uncomfortable and potentially dangerous, it is highly persistent. I've been to the doctor twice, had 2 dosages of strong antibiotics, has 2 surgeries done to drain it, had to pump and dump as well as train my baby on a bottle, used several herbal, oil, homeopathic remedies to keep it at bay; but still, this infection is alive and strong and building up for another need for surgery. If it wasn't for the promise in a priesthood blessing and in my own personal revelation, I would be highly discouraged.
4- I'm healthy by choice and it feels good. Near the end of my pregnancy, my midwives suggested a fairly restrictive diet. Normally, I would have had much failure in ability to abide to such a strict food source. Then shortly after, I felt impressed to cut out all refined sugars from my diet for good. With that we turned to whole foods - whole wheat, brown rice, honey, etc. If I were to have tried or even necessitated this eating regime in 2010 - there's no way possible I would have had the successes I'm experiencing this time around. The Lord is truely blessing me with the ability to stand firm on this health issue and I'm so grateful because for years it was a terrible weakness almost without hope. But as in all things, God is my only HOPE.
5- Washington is taking better care of his Diabetes. We held a fast and invited all who wanted to, to join in our efforts to reach him in his ability to manage his diabetes. We had many who joined and many helpful suggestions. The number one most helpful thing has been my sister who offered to participate in twice a week coaching to help him create the habits of health that he is needing. She has been absolutely amazing and truely an answer to my prayers. We are still in the beginning stages, but his management has been so much improved, I'm again filled with hope.
6- My educationally challenging child is finally...finally...making some headway in her education. For some of my kids, I can find a hot button to - well - manipulate. Or find a way to inspire them to explore knowledge and truth. But I have this one child that has always left me feeling clueless and helpless. I never knew how to help her to create the results that she and I both wanted for her success in this life. But she has been putting in several long days of intense study, by her own choice, and I'm feeling the burden being lifted in regard to her success. Of course, time will tell, but things are looking promising.
7- Although my time has been highly pressed, I have had success in two fairly important educational areas for me. One, I taught the Wheel of Time class this last semester - which caused me to learn lots and prepare presentations (storytelling - not exactly my strong suit) every single week. I couldn't plan the whole thing in advance and then lose interest half way through like I have in the past. The other was participating in the Great Books class. Attempting to study from this every week has been a challenge - yes, but so good for my self-confidence in being able to tackle this difficult of a class.
8- Aristotle has shall I say - floored me - on several occasions recently with his calm and controlled responses to his children. After 20 years he's changing on me and it's been fascinating to see him mature and grow spiritually. He has been treating the kids almost better than I do and it's so refreshing to see his efforts to be on the same page as me, and conquer his natural habit. I don't feel so alone in raising the kids and I'm really enjoying his genuine desire to do and be better. I'm so grateful for such an amazing sweet husband and father.
9- I really feel bad that I did such a poor job of filling my shelves with food storage this year due to lack of canning time & resources, but I'm still in shock at the amount that we have gotten done. We have many pigs that are keeping the freezer full, lots of corn from a contact that let us have it, good produce that can be used for the pigs, and sometimes case lot sales or groceries when we are running a little too lean. The Lord has blessed us abundantly.
10- Probably my biggest blessing is my family. I have amazing children who have a strong testimony of the gospel and somehow have not bought into a lot of the deceptive temptations that most teenagers struggle with. My husband loves and pampers me and works so hard to provide for us. We are learning and growing together in school as well and life's lessons. Life is good.
Yep. It works! I feel so much more happy and optomistic. I know good things are ahead as I improve the mistakes from the past. Counting my blessings - who'd a thought.
