Who’d have thought.
My good friend recommended a book that is used in the 12 steps of recovery for Alcoholics Anonymous called “He Did Deliver Me from Bondage”. She praised it so highly, even buying a copy for me and later teaching a class on it for me, that I was desirous to get the most out of it that I could. I was determined to identify an addiction that I was in denial about and begin the healing process. As I began reading the book, I was searching for where my weakness lied. Obviously, I’m not addicted to alcohol, drugs, pornography, sex, or anything of that nature, so I looked deeper. Maybe overeating, sugar, perfectionism, or work. But I’m not sure I’ve got an unhealthy issue there either. So it was assumed that maybe I hadn’t gotten to the point of addiction yet, simply character weaknesses, the step shy of addiction. (Mistake, repeated mistake, habit, character weakness, addiction) I was content with this conclusion as I continued to study the book – thinking it didn’t really apply to me yet, but still loving the power and insight that I was gaining from journaling, pondering, and study.
Then about a month ago, I was in a discussion with my sister. She mentioned a desire she had after reading the book “The Peacegiver” to go and TP the author’s house to make her feel better. I was amused by the comment but couldn’t recall what about the book would trigger such a response. So I picked it up and began rereading. Then I got to the chapter explaining the nature of Sin. Whooooaaa. I don’t believe it was what affected my sister, but with my previous search for my own addiction, it was fascinating to have a clearer understanding how the fall of Adam was connected to addictions. And how through that, I too am addicted.
Just as the chemicals in a drug changes us physically so that we uncontrollably must have that substance, something about sin changes our character - our perspective, desire, and appetite. We view the world differently, our concerns change to self rather than others, and justification for our indiscretions is fortified. We basically become blind to the way things truly are and instead adopt a warped view, an inaccurate perception. We lose our desire to do what we should and have an appetite for that which was formerly reprehensible. Not only that, but we also lose our sense of responsibility regarding the action, which prevents any attempt at correcting it. Just as a lullaby lulls a baby to sleep and a pacifier keeps it content – our changed character is lulled and pacified away from the responsibility to remedy the poor choice.
And just as a physical addiction cannot be remedied by one’s own sheer determination and will power, the addiction to sin can only be overcome by allowing the atonement of Christ to work through us. When we fail to follow the will of the Holy Spirit, we grant Satan power to captivate us through corruptible elements within our bodies. That’s it! The “apple” corrupted our bodies so that Satan has quick access to overpower us. He is the master identity thief – making us forget our own true eternal character.
For some reason, I misread a line multiple times, even circling the misread word, but as I thought about it, I think I like the error better. It says that ‘agency is the capacity we have to choose to follow the Lord or the devil’, and I read it ‘agency is the captivity we have to choose to follow the Lord or the Devil’. We truly are captive one way or another. But we have a choice as to the type of captivity we wish to be subject to. If we choose the Lord, we become his servants performing his good work, sacrificing our hearts, our wills, our everything in order to have ultimate freedom (eternal life) and perfect perspective. If we choose the devil, we are captive to our fallen nature, seeing through a glass darkly, and ultimately are denied our very purpose for coming to this earth.
Another powerful point was the idea that the earth is cursed for our sake. Life is supposed to be hard so that in our warped view (because of the change brought about by sin) we will FEEL the necessity to turn to Christ for deliverance. So we, desiring to do wrong, absorbed with self, and seeing folly in others but not in ourselves, find it pretty challenging to want to choose to become subject to the Savior and his teachings. And so God, in his mercy and for our sake, cursed the earth, gave us weakness, and allows bad things to happen, so that we will turn our hearts to Him and be saved from our bondage brought about by a single sin. It’s an interesting idea that I’m going to have to stew over some more until I change my perspective and see trials as an opportunity to live the gospel in action.
I’ve always been intrigued by the stories where an outside source alters the main characters strength and purpose. Frodo, with the intense burden of carrying the ring, sometimes lost his desire to fulfill his mission to destroy it. Diggory entering the wood between the worlds, suddenly forgets all about time and his agenda and simply desires to sit around and enjoy the beauty. Greek heroes, who when hearing the voices of the Sirens, blindly and willingly go to their own death. Charles Wallace on the planet Camezotz is hypnotized by IT,who gets into his mind, alters his will, and keeps him captive through the pulsating rhythm. Captain Picard finding himself in the Nexis, completely forgot his objective nor questioned the new and somehow fulfilled dreams that surrounded him. Now I’m seeing a similar scenario happening to me, to all of us – and we’re not even aware of it. Fortunately in the stories, they eventually come out the victor but it was a battle to gain control of themselves again. Likewise, I am engaged in this battle everyday, every minute, to not yield to the tempting voices and thoughts that are planted in my head. And if I do, to immediately repent or turn away from them by asking God to help me.
I used to look at people who were overweight and be critical of their continuing to stuff their face. And I still have moments of disgust when my husband decides to quit drinking Dr. Pepper for the umpteenth time – knowing full well that it’s only a temporary conviction because it is missing the power to be permanent. But as my sweet little brother rots in prison because of his bondage to alcohol, I see the actual horrible effects of addiction. I recall, in a conversation with him, how he openly confessed and owned the fact that he’s an addict, so as to be constantly on guard and ever keep that weakness in the forefront of his awareness. And now that I’ve identified my addiction, I am doing the same thing. As I continue to study and ponder how “He Did Deliver Me from Bondage” helps me apply the reclaiming power of the atonement in my life, I too hope to come out the victor.
