I'm refering to my laxity with life. It seems where ever I go, the idea of being more flexible is being promoted. More flexible with our spouses, more flexible with our expectations, more flexible with our schedules and agendas. And so in that respect I'm grateful that I am predominantly easy going and don't easily get my feathers ruffled.
I wasn't always this way. In fact, I believe it has been an incredibly challenging road to get to this point. I used to be quite tense when I was late to an event, or the house was messy and the doorbell rang, or even when someone wanted to spontaneously go do something that hadn't been planned out weeks in advance (actually, I still struggle with this one at times, but not always). I used to get quite flustered when there wasn't enough money to stretch for all the needs, or equipment would break down (as if there is a convenient time), or not everything got a checkmark on my to-do list. I've come a long way.
Through a series of undesirable events, I've learned to be flexible. Hope for the best but roll with the punches if something else happens instead. It's amazing what going without food, without money, without control, without time, or without energy can do to change a person. You think you might not emotionally make it, but somehow or other you survive and then the next time a trial comes along - it's not so traumatic as it was the first time. The result = flexibility, laxity, easy going, even calmness in the storm. Yes, I can see how this is a very good thing.
However, as all things need moderation, I feel I may have taken my relaxed coping skills a little too far to the other end of the spectrum.
My house and yard are a constant reminder that I no longer care how it looks to the neighbors - I'm not keeping up false appearances. I'm doing the best I can and that's just gonna have to be good enough, right.
My children are also a consistent reminder that I've gotten too lax with my parental training, as they demonstrate that obedience to mom is optional.
Even my character is called into question as I willingly take on responsibilities and then casually carry them out - or if it doesn't happen, that's ok too.
These effects of a life being beaten by the hardships don't really bring me happiness either.
There must be a happy medium - a way to find the balance between self-respect and calmness for trivial concerns. To care enough to make things happen but not so much that I'm bound up tighter than I can handle. Its challenging to begin picking up the pieces where you have already surrendered. To attempt to take charge, to fight, to be fiery where your spirit has been broken, and you've become submissive and accepting.
For a long time, my husband has been associated with Mr. Incredible. I'm not sure exactly how this began. Maybe it's his super suit rising above his belly as he stretches. Maybe it is his stocky build and amazing strength. Or maybe it is because he is a super who is living his secret identity, waiting for the opportunity to relive the glory days of his pre-existent greatness. I don't really know, but I find it ironic that Mr. Incredible is married to Elastigirl.
Maybe flexibility has to be linked with incredibleness. I know in my life its absolutely essential. I don't believe our marriage would have lasted if I didn't learn to just let some things go. But now I'm learning to be very careful with what I surrender. My pride, my will, my selfish power struggles - yes. My self-respect, my character, my stewardship - a great big NO.
This reminds me of the message from Thomas Jefferson. To paraphrase:
In matters of principle, be as a rock.
But in matters of style, just go with the flow.
