It’s gone. I’ve lost my inspiration. For awhile, it seemed that everywhere I turned, I had power thoughts, and couldn’t wait to make time in my busy little life to write about it. Now the thoughts don’t seem as powerful and certainly not enough to write a paper. I guess there are a number of possible reasons for this drought.
1) I’ve shifted gears in my routine. With the ineffective spring break and the upset of the Shakespeare production, I put homeschool, home maintenance, and even being at the crossroads for my children on hold, so that I could turn the house upside down and rearrange, dejunk, and organize some much neglected rooms and systems. You’d think with such dedicated focus that I’d have been more successful than I have been and could get back to a regular routine. Alas, I’m going to have to put the dream of order on the back burner…. again because my undirected and neglected children are requiring their mother back.
2) My energy has been drained. For the past year, I’ve been taking the wrong dosage of thyroid. And with the interim between the blood work and the adjusted dosage, I’ve been tired…a lot. It may be psychological because just knowing my dosage was not enough, I suddenly felt the fatigue and drainage of energy. I’m napping for a couple hours every single day. Not a good combination for creation.
3) I attended a ‘How to Mentor’ class on writing power papers. It was both inspiring and discouraging. I haven’t put my finger on why it was discouraging other than the amount of work that is involved in the writing/revising/editing process. There’s no question that the pains of the process produce much better quality work, but the amount of time and energy necessary put a damper on my enthusiasm for writing.
4) And probably the biggest reason for my discouragement is the loss of a friend. I’d recently been in conversations with an old friend. Several, actually, through facebook. It was rejuvenating to my soul and I longed to come alive again like I had been in my teen years. But for some reason, the communications just stopped after a particularly vulnerable disclosure. I can only assume that they weren’t impressed with what I’ve become and chose to not associate any further. I feel dejected, hurt, and saddened that our relationship has no depth. My continual frustration of ‘not being any fun’ has created another war wound. I know I will rally again, but it cut a little deeper than I had hoped.
Even with all these reasons for not writing power papers, I have longed to just write - like a journal. I know the purpose of this blog is to inspire my children to write, but I want to be selfish and write my personal thoughts. I haven’t decided if I will attempt another personal blog or just continue to work with this one. I’m hoping with time, patience, and writing practice, I’ll again feel inspired to write something worth reading.
