I don't necessarily have an enemy, but we do have an neighbor who seemed insistent on being THE enemy.
There is quite a lengthy back-story:
We moved out to the country so that our children would have the opportunity to work, learn georgics, and develop a quality character. In my husbands vision, that included farm animals. So over the five years that we've lived in this community we've accumulated a handful of animals that provide the necessities of life - chickens, cows, goats, sheep, pigs, etc.
Unfortunately, the road we live on sort of wraps around our property, so that everyone who drives down the road gets the whole panoramic view. And we have a neighbor who seems to have dedicated her life to animal rights and protection. She has constantly been snooping into our animal affairs - sometimes dropping off food sources, sometimes sending "concerned" e-mails, but mostly calling the county police officers to come investigate what she supposed was neglect on our part.
With each of these incidences, I had been able to successfully persuade my husband to just let it slide. She must be a very committed person to what she perceives as her life mission and as long as there was no truth to her allegations, we were doing someone else a favor by keeping her energies on us. This reasoning had worked for a little while, but with each visit from our local law enforcement officer (which we could plan on about every quarter), his frustration mounted. He was going to nip it in the butt, the next time it happened.
So he began his homework. He counseled with an attorney. He requested a copy of all the police reports. He hired a vet to come inspect our animals and provide a statement of their condition. He had visited with countless people who knew the character and habits of this neighbor and found that his opinion and experience with her was not an isolated incident.
About four months ago, we were able to take on a contract with grocers to get their garbage produce for our animal feed. It was A LOT of produce. There was no way the animal lady (what we affectionately call her) could complain about underfed animals now. So we thought.
The other night I received another e-mail from her expressing her deep concern about a number of things. The first was our cow seems to have lost a great deal of weight within the last week, she was chewing on sticks, and the feed looked of poor quality and old. As I was reading this out loud to my husband, I couldn't help but laugh that someone so dedicated to animals could know so little about them.
Let me explain. Our cow had just freshened. The calf was in the barn to keep it warm during the bitter cold. Having a calf is bound to have a cow look like it's lost a great deal of weight. Animals chew on everything - they are animals. They get bored and chew on anything they can find. And the poor quality and old feed wasn't feed at all - it was straw. It was set out in the pasture so the animals could dig around in it to keep warm.
I couldn't even finish reading the e-mail before my husband was out of bed, searching for his clothes, determined to address this issue once and for all. At first he was going to head over there, but for some reason decided to locate her phone number and call instead.
He dialed and got the answering machine. He left a message of his name and that he wanted to talk. And then immediately he dialed again and started to leave a message when she picked up the phone. I could tell by the steam coming from his head that this probably would not be one of his finest moments. He proceeded to put her in her place - saying such things as her meddling in our affairs was harassment and it had to stop. Even mentioning that County police could be considered an accomplice to the harassment. He went through and disputed all her claims about the cow, the feed, and the non-importance of chewing on a stick. He proceeded to elaborate the measures and extent that he has taken to take care of his animals. He pointed out her contradictory passions of promoting freedom in America while infringing on personal privacy in regards to animals.
I could hear her voice on the phone but not recognize the words as I sat across the room. And I have to be honest. Every other time, I was able to be disappointed in her intrusion on our privacy, but just forget about it. However, I didn't have the advantage of time to forget this time, and I was floored by the audacity and ignorance of her e-mail. So I not only didn't try to dissuade him, I was cheering him on by providing the words he was searching for in the conversation.
Before I even realized what was happening, the tone of the conversation turned. I'm not sure if there was a trigger, or just the goodness of my man. He started explaining information about himself.
He gave a history of his experience with livestock from his childhood and profession. He shared how we had chosen to move to this remote location for the purpose of our children's upbringing. How he knew the challenges of taking care of farm animals would build the caliber of person worthy of contributing to a free nation. He explained how he understood the purpose for each animal and although it tugged at his heart to slaughter them when it was time (because he had raised them from birth), he knew they had fulfilled the measure of their creation.
He explained how he was saddened that our neighbors assumed the worst in him, talking behind his back, and resorting to cops rather than being neighborly. He explained what he had hoped he'd find by moving out here, but was a little disappointed. He explained how if we would live up to our profession of Loving the Lord first and Loving our neighbor second - then we wouldn't have neighbors calling the cops to investigate in issues of concern - because the neighbors would be on a friendly basis and simply TALK to each other about their concerns. He thanked her for letting him know that she had observed the pigs were trying to dig out of the fence, so that he could address the issue, but pleaded that she talk directly to him, instead of sending the police. He explained how our children live in fear that we are doing something wrong because the police are always showing up. Then he explained how her behavior scares him thoroughly for our nation because it has the flavor of communist countries. Where they had the neighbors spying on each other so they could let the KGB or whatever officials know what was going on. Then he admitted that he really did enjoy her as a person but had a hard time with her intolerance of different preferences. Using the analogy that some people like chocolate ice cream and others prefer vanilla. It doesn't make one right and the other wrong - just different. Our purpose for animals is for the sake of our children and self-reliant living. Her purpose for animals is a way of expressing compassion for the weaker and dependent species. Different, but not wrong. Then he pointed out that we hear her dogs barking all the time. How do we know that their needs aren't being met? Should we call the police because we are concerned that she is not living up to our perceived understanding that dogs wouldn't bark at all if they were well cared for?
His tone had changed from threatening to trying to help her understand. There was several different points brought up in that short phone call, but the feeling on his end had completely changed and I'm pretty sure her feelings had gone in a different direction than she was initially headed. He had become clearer on his purpose and took the first steps to obtain his objective. Being neighborly. As he crawled back into bed that night, I noticed we had received another e-mail from her. She said she hoped I had heard the conversation and that I should be very proud of him. She was disarmed by his responding to the impression to love instead of hate.
So he suggested we send her pictures of the new calf, and invite her to come feed him or milk the cow. He really wanted to practice what he taught. I'm still in awe of the transformation that took place within the conversation as well as within Grady himself. And I'm grateful for the experience of witnessing the power of love over revenge.
