Familiarity

It’s an oxymoron. 

Well, at least human behavior in regard to something that is familiar seem to be oxymoronic (Is that a word?)

Of course familiar is derived from the same roots as the word family and has meaning along the lines of:  intimate, well acquainted, or recognizable. 

What intrigues me is the polar or opposite responses we as humans have toward things which are familiar. 

On the one hand, familiarity breeds contempt. 

We tend to devalue that which is common place or familiar to us.  We take for granted that which we have and are drawn to what we don’t. This is seen in physics (opposites attract), in relationships (again – opposites, as well as taking for granted the family and friends we interact with every day), in trends and fashions (the familiar is considered old-fashioned whereas the new and changing is fashionable), and in motives (rebelling against what is – as though driven to break away into something new).     

On the other hand, familiarity creates loyalty. 

We tend to have confidence in what we already know or are comfortable around environments that are familiar to us.  It is our safety net and comfort zone.  This can be seen in the woman who leaves one dysfunctional relationship to start a new one with the same caliber of guy.  It is all she knows and the pain associated there is not as frightening as the pain of trying something different.  It can be seen in the instinctive fight against new ideas and philosophies that are foreign to us.  It can be seen in traditions that are repeated for generations – sometimes without any thought as to its original purpose or if that purpose is pertinent now.  It can be seen in our preferences and choices, because of our previous exposure to it (whatever it may be – I’m always amused that whenever a different version of a movie or storyline come along, people usually prefer whichever version they were exposed to first.)

That seems oxymoronic, or contradictory, to me.  We respond with either contempt… or loyalty… to that which is familiar.  So on the reverse, we respond with either loyalty or contempt to that which is unfamiliar.  Now that seems truly moronic to me. 

 

I started these musings over this summer where I learned the following powerful concept:

                   We tend to have CONFIDENCE in that which is most FAMILIAR

                                                          ………even if it is wrong. 

Our confidence isn’t based on logical deductions.  It obviously isn’t based on some moral guideline or inner guidance system.  It isn’t based on historical cycles or trusting a higher authority or power.  And it certainly isn’t based on force or compulsion……..  But simply on familiarity. 

And so I began to question what my confidences are based on, what they should be based on, as well as become aware of how familiarity has worked in my life.  The following incidents may illustrate my experience.  

 

Awhile ago, I had been looking for a particular message through contemporary music. 
Since I was unfamiliar with so many of the popular songs, I began listening with increased interest and questioning the meaning and words of each song that came on the radio.  Needless to say, my teens were enjoying the frequent exposure to that style of music – in the car, while doing work around the house, while exercising, etc.  It didn’t take long before I started recognizing and enjoying much of the music around me. 

Then an ironic thing happened.  We were driving in the car, as a family, with the radio on.  My husband, who sits in a truck most every day – all day, and over time had become disenchanted with pop radio and even most of talk radio, preferring instead audio books. Anyway, during a song I had really come to enjoy, he changed it to a station which plays LDS songs, hymns, and devotional addresses.  I was surprised to realize that I was annoyed by his interference and even more surprised that I was uncomfortable with this style of music on a day other than the Sabbath.  Music that just months before was perfectly fine and even preferred.  Well, that was a red flag.  I had allowed myself overexposure to a medium that had altered my very nature.  My familiarity had changed. 

 

On another occasion, my friend loaned me a movie by Sherwood productions called ‘Facing the Giants’ with a notification that it was ‘very Christian’.  We watched the movie as

a family and sure enough the ‘Christian’ parts were fairly uncomfortable to me.  Not that I disbelieved anything they said, rather that it didn’t seem real in a high school situation. It certainly wasn’t real in my high school experience.  Like people would ever really talk like that.   It had a born-again feeling to it that I wasn’t comfortable with and the acting wasn’t that great.  I couldn’t put my finger on it but it just didn’t feel right. It was unfamiliar.  I returned the movie and didn’t think anything of it.  On another occasion I ran across another Sherwood Production film called ‘Fireproof’.  A similar thing happened, but not as intense this time.  However, the message of building a strong marriage was so powerful and inspiring, that we watched it again…, and again…, and again.  By now, I had whet my appetite for inspiring movies.  So I watched ‘Courageous’ and then ‘Flywheel’.  I was hooked.  I bought all of these movies, and now I cannot believe that I wasn’t impressed or thought it was bad acting the first time I saw these.  I did a complete 180 degrees from my first impression based on my familiarity. 

I did the same thing with music.  I made a conscious choice to only listen to a certain type of music, especially in the mornings before school.  Soon I overcame my discomfort with it and am choosing what I want to be familiar with. 

 

A similar situation has applied in my own home.  I have, what you might say, a chaotic type of lifestyle.  Now…. I’m not claiming to have that be my preference but it is what I have.  Many times something breaks and needs repaired or I’m in the middle of a project or simply something needs to be put away – but I don’t have time right this second to attend to it. I’m not lazy – just fairly busy.  Well, that something that has been put on the back burner, sits there for an unidentified amount of time.  And then when I do have a moment to attend to a non-urgent matter, I’m so familiar with the chaos and clutter that it doesn’t occur to me to fix it until I’m experiencing a greater deal of emotional discomfort.  And since I’m a high tolerance person, I hate to admit that I experience a lot of unnecessary pain.  Familiarity definitely worked to my disadvantage here. 

 Recently, my son put himself into a potentially fatal position through familiarity.  He’s a diabetic and has been since he was one year old.  And I’m afraid to say that he has managed his blood sugars fairly poorly.  He has become quite accustomed to really high blood glucose readings and may have some rebellion toward the whole diabetic thing.  And since he’s had high blood sugars for so long and they are so frequent – he doesn’t pay attention to the warning signs like he should.  With puberty setting in it affects his sugars even more.  Well, evidently he had sustained high readings and he wasn’t coming down.  Soon he started vomiting and his breathing was quite irregular.  We found that he was in Ketoacidosis which could very well have ended his life that night if we didn’t start flushing the acidic toxins out of his system (which was challenging to do when he vomited all the fluids we put in).   Another bad for the effects of familiarity.  

 

In each of these cases, contempt had (or hopefully will have) turned to loyalty.  I’m fascinated not only with the power of familiarity, but also that we can CHOOSE what we want to become familiar with.  In the case of chaotic lifestyle or poor health choices, we can make choices so that we are loyal toward or comfortable with order in the home and targeted blood sugars.  We can choose our familiarity, our comfort zone, our very nature.  That’s a powerful concept.

In regard to societal norms, there is a lot of ideas and exposure to items that I’d rather not become familiar and comfortable with.  Such things as tolerance for alternative lifestyles or corruption in our government.  Can I change these things by my own efforts.  No, Not at all – change only happens through unity.  But I can choose to not accept them as the societal norms.  Not in some denial or self-righteous effort – but a choice of non-(over)exposure.  It has two effects.  I am in charge of my own environment and by so doing, resist uniting with others of their acceptance (it’s not the change I want to support).  And if by some chance others choose the same as me, we create our own unity and force for good – thus change that I am willing to support.  I choose… and live… what I want to be familiar with. 

Just as a side note. 

One of the definitions of familiar also caught my attention.  It was in regard to the term ‘familiar spirits’.  This is generally referring to evil or unclean spirits.   I guess I can understand that reference since Satan and his followers are really brothers and sisters who chose not to follow our Heavenly Father’s plan.  They are familiar to our spirits.  We were intimate, well acquainted, and now in this mortality, they are vaguely recognizable.  But I have no desire to be loyal to them.  So I choose contempt or familiarity to their absence.

Conversely, I AM desiring to be loyal to the Lord’s spirit and his guardian angels.  I welcome familiarity with their influence, even at a time when the rest of the world seems to choose contempt toward (or disassociation from their influence by denying their very existence).  By choosing familiarity with the righteous forces on the other side of the veil, my familiarity will create increased access to their power and influence. 

So, familiarity is another tool in my tool belt of personal empowerment.  Defining what I want my character or nature to be and then creating it by familiarizing myself with that environment.