To Thine Own Self, Be True

I’ve got a new son. 

Not through birth or a bonus son (aka son-in-law).  We thought we’d try a foreign exchange student this year and it has been a glorious experience.  The struggles of responsibility, cleanliness, and social personality that I have with my own children, are among his many strong points and it has truly been a pleasure (and a needed reprieve) of having a child who cheerfully and willingly does his chores without being nagged.  Or who knows how to have fun, even the life of the party, and still responsible for his own education at the same time.   His parents must have raised him right and I’m able to enjoy the benefits of their labors.  He is just an all-around good kid. 

In the course of a discussion with him, he revealed that all these attributes that I’m so admiring (and appreciating) are only a façade.  A great big lie.  He admitted that he lies to everyone because he doesn’t like himself (hates, I think was the term he used - with a great deal of vehemence in his voice).  Because his true self is lazy, selfish, a recluse, a slob, and the sort.  It was through reflection of these “true” traits that he decided to fake it and act like he is something he’s not.

 

Of course, I feel he is being too hard on himself and isn’t nearly as bad as indicated simply by the mere fact he is being proactive in altering his behavior.   Maybe self-loathing and attempting to deceive the world wasn’t the best approach but behaving in the manner in which he desired definitely is.

And I feel he’s operating under a misunderstanding of what his true nature is.  I think most of us do.  This discussion among other events have been the catalyst for my musings on the true self.  And as irony would have it, there is a huge movement of authenticity in the world… and yet very few are clear on what it means to be authentic. 

Natural Man:  Is it to be your physical self – carnal and lazy and selfish, pursuing your own interests and wants?  This is what I feel my new “son” may have perceived as his true character.  The physical body has all sorts of “comfortable” demands and is motivated in a variety of animalistic qualities. Addictions of pornography, drugs, drunkenness, video games, gov’t hand-outs, and free-for-all sex result in celebrating and honoring this type of authenticity.  Although the body is part of our character, it is only half of the equation, and the half that needs improvement I might add.

Familiarity:  Is a genuine person one who is true to their upbringing or the way they were raised.  A type of familiarity or loyalty to and honoring of their heritage.   I’ve seen this in the big ticket items such as political views, religion, and personal values, as well as many trivial items such as the brand of hot chocolate or evening routines. With so many pressures placed on us to conform to society’s standards, it’s easy to see how a person may feel a sense of authenticity by choosing the familiar.

Purpose:  Or is a bone fide person one who stands up for their beliefs, a person of integrity.  The type of person who isn’t swayed by convenience or social pressures.  I can easily understand how a sense of purpose or mission could be equated with arriving to oneself.    

Honesty: Or maybe self-validity is a type of arriving to maturity or emotional honesty.  A heightened sense of self-awareness or transparency in your dealings and motives. 

Child of God: All of the previous possibilities can be categorized as the world’s view, while Heaven’s view might look a little differently.  Our origins began long before our taking a stand for a cause, before inner deceptions or developments, before our upbringing, even prior to our having a physical body.   Authenticity in this category lies in the knowledge (which then produces a behavior consistent with the knowledge) of being children of God and heirs to his kingdom.  A disciple of Christ.   Being genuine spiritually recognizes God’s call to them, deep within their heart, and the yearning to return to their spiritual home.  

All of these possibilities ring true as being “authentic” and it may simply be a matter of which type of genuineness you are referring to.

How inauthenticity begins

I find it intriguing how one might wander away from their true self or become inauthentic.  Obviously societal pressures and expectations have a great deal to do with it.  Probably one of the many paradoxes – first creating inauthenticity and then promoting its opposite.  

Or another contributing factor may be the social game of anticipating what we think the other person wants and then accommodating.  This tradition of lying becomes an easy habit that is not only difficult to stop, it muddles any concept of truth about self or genuine relationships. 

Possibly it began through parents and teachers, with good intentions mind you, modifying a child’s behavior through rewards and punishments.  It may have manipulated the child to get what they wanted but had the unexpected byproduct of creating a false motivation. 

Perhaps, as a child experienced an emotion or thought that was not validated by others, or worse – rejected, those shame messages received would result in a natural self-preservation to hide, conceal, or protect oneself from being vulnerable again.  Thus inauthenticity.

Of course, education has had its influence as well.  Darwinism, being taught in our schools, is probably the most damaging of all the anti-Christ agendas.  To believe humans were created by mere chance and that we originate from evolved animals, denies the very root of one’s true self as God’s divine offspring.  Operating on a false understanding of what one’s true self is would make it a little challenging to be true to yourself. 

Yeah, I think there is plenty of potential causes to put on a mask and become an actor on the stage of life.  To join the masquerade and keep others (and ourselves) guessing about our true identity.  But WHY?

Why be authentic?

If everybody’s doing it, why try to become genuine? It would definitely make the odd man out.  I think there is something so rewarding, so soul expanding, so liberating when we are honest to ourselves and to others.  The shackles of bondage simply fall away as we communicate openly and pursue honorably a life of genuineness.  There is inner peace, self-satisfaction, joy, and the ability to really love. 

When compared to the benefits of living a façade (self-protection, selfishness, fitting in with the crowd, the ease of our default behavior, etc.) it should make the choice pretty simple.  However, I don’t think people realize they are making a choice or even looking at the comparison. 

Hopefully this little outline helps in identifying the comparison for others as it has for me.

My “son” may have lied or become inauthentic on many levels.  As have I, as outlined HERE.  My hope would be that he would define what his genuine self is, choose whether to honor it, and abandon the self-loathing so that he can love himself as much as I do. 

Having a Christ- Sharing Home

The following is a copy of a talk I gave in church on Oct 29th, 2017.  Of course the spoken version may not have followed exactly but this was the written plan in my preparations. 

I am truly grateful for this opportunity to speak to you today.  Not because I desire to stand in front of you but rather I am grateful for the shot in the arm, having to speak does for my desire to study and internalize the concepts that are going to be shared. 

As President Anderson spoke to us last Sunday, I was impressed with his emphasis that in these troubling times, the key ingredient to enduring them is faith in Christ, as well as the importance of our sharing packets of light and truth with others.  Apparently it had the same effect on Brother Spain because having a Christ-sharing home is what I’ve been asked to speak on today. 

Although President Anderson never mentioned it, his remarks brought to mind and made more powerfully of an understanding the scripture mastery found in 2 Nephi 25:23, 26.

For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.

 And we talk of Christ we rejoice in Christ we preach of Christ, we prophecy of Christ and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

So like all good beginnings, let’s start by asking – WHY?

Why Christ?

Why the focus on the home?

Why Share?

Why Christ?

As I was asking this question in my mind, I reflected on the many philosophies and worldviews that are so prevalent in society today that don’t include Christ as an essential element.  I currently am teaching a class called “His Hands” – it’s kind of a service club.  And I’ve kind of been surprised by the amount of goodness that exists in the world.  There are a good deal of service organizations outside of any religious association. The government has organized efforts and programs for every kind of need.  And Pinterest if chock full of the cutesy aspects of Random Acts of Kindness. 

The humanist movement – which is the philosophy taught in our schools – honors everything that is noble and worthy about humans without the need of a Savior.  Basically good Christians without Christ. 

Science is making great strides in explaining the “mysteries” of the world.  And there are multitudes of philosophies that explain away the need for the old fashioned mentality of religion.  So why Christ?  If there is plenty of evidence that a good and honorable life can exist without him and there is sufficient doubts to question the old ways, why do we, still feel that He is so essential?  Why do we labor so diligently to persuade our children to believe in him?

Salvation. Aside from the fact that God IS love and the light of Christ is the source of all internal goodness in humans, Salvation is the key.  We cannot build a tower of Babel by our goodness.  No amount of good in the world can EVER “earn us” salvation.  Christ is the gatekeeper, the ONLY entrance into the presence of God. 

Several days ago, Pablo (my foreign exchange student son), and I were having a discussion.  He is a lover of science and has a great aptitude for the scientific mind.  But he is not necessarily a religious person.  So we were discussing how a scientist will come to search for truth through the scientific method.  When they come to a point they don’t have understanding, they will continue the search through more theories and experimentation.  Whereas a religious person will eventually stop searching and end all unknown understandings with, what he felt was a cop-out, of “Because God made it that way”, or “we’ll find that out when we get to the other side”.    I can’t speak for others or what their motive may be, but I told him why I would say that to my children and also myself...  To instill faith.  Faith in Christ is THE objective.  Truth is wonderful and fascinating but it’s not the end all purpose, at least not in this life– Faith IS and more specifically faith in Christ.

President Uchtdorf counseled us to doubt our doubts before doubting our faith. So to the question of “Why Christ”, I am responding with “Why NOT Christ?”  What is so empowering to be without hope?  What is so wonderful about being without a Savior?  Why is it so liberating to believe I am alone?  And what does it say about ME weighing the legitimacy of philosophies that inflate my pride (such as success is based by my own genius or management or strength) or remove my guilt (such as there is no crime or sin). 

But skepticism aside, we know it is because of The PLAN.  The master purpose.  The Great Plan of Happiness.  We know there is a three-act play and we can only see the 2^nd act.  Life could be compared to playing a game we’ve never played before.  Only some are playing by observing the opponents moves to identify the objective rather than reading the instructions.  They may not understand the opponent’s strategy (or more likely it’s the blind leading the blind).     

Or another anology might be a school.  If we could just get our mind wrapped around the idea that Christ is the Master Teacher, the Universe is his classroom and the curriculum, what we are going to be taught about and be tested on, is the atonement of Christ.

Even as members in our faith, we sometimes forget the purpose.  My sister shared her eye-opening experience.  We’ve both been members all of our lives and the Mormon culture is hard-wired into our character.  She was studying Lehi’s vision when she was struck with significance of the Tree of Life.  Before she always felt the emphasis was to be placed on the Iron Rod, the straight and narrow path, or even how to avoid the mists of darkness or the Great and Spacious Building. But for the first time she took her attention off of her grip to the Iron Rod and instead looked to the Tree.  With her focus on Christ, there was never any desire or distraction from the Iron Rod.  It was about Christ.  The purpose of the Rod was Christ.  The straight and narrow path was about Christ.  It was a powerful realization for her.  Sometime after that she listened to General Conference and was a little shocked that every single speaker had their focus on Christ.  It was exhilarating to have such a clear perspective.  And then she went to church and the members spoke about what they got out of General Conference.  Some were on missionary work, some on tithing, some on living the law of the fast, some on our divine nature, some even on the plan of Salvation.  And she wept.  She wept because she could see that they were missing it.  The talk wasn’t on forgiveness, it was on Christ.  Yes, forgiveness may have been the tool or method that was used to point us to Christ, but the main point was “Come to Christ”.  Each topic was the means of pointing to Christ.  She could see how they were laboring diligently to persuade us to BELIEVE IN CHRIST.  And it broke her heart that she had missed it for all these years, she always saw church as a long list of compartmentalized do’s and don’ts.  A checklist with Jesus being a central figure but all the attention was on the little things that were supposed to point to Him.  She was looking at the rod, or in other words, looking to the scriptures to save her (For in them ye think ye have eternal life), but it is in looking to Christ Himself, that the promise is given. 

And ALL things testify of Christ.  The Scriptures, the living prophets, the Holy Ghost, the earth itself, the temple, the commandments, the family unit, Symbolism, the types and shadows, even our trials.  ALL things testify of and point to Christ.  He is the objective of our game, applying His atonement is the way to pass this exam.    

Why the Focus on the Home?

The house is simply a structure.  It has four walls and a roof.  But when compared to a Christ-Sharing Home that structure takes on much deeper meaning.  The foundation of the home is of course the Rock, Christ himself, as I’ve just outlined.  Christ is the foundation of our lives and the family is the foundational unit of society.  Those two foundations provide for a very sturdy base and potential influence.  The weight-bearing beams of the construction are those celestial traditions of daily Personal and family scripture study, daily personal and family prayer, Family Home evenings, church attendance, etc.  Maybe insignificant in and of themselves, but with repetition and consistency can withstand the fiercest storms and fiery darts of the adversary.  This home is powered by God because of obedience and service to our fellowmen.  This home is the medium with which we labor diligently to persuade our children to Believe in Christ.  We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, and we prophecy of Christ.  The home is also the medium with which we labor diligently to persuade our brethren to Believe in Christ through our example and light to the world

Elder Richard G. Scott said:

  “One of the greatest blessings we can offer to the world is the power of a
  Christ-Centered Home where the gospel is taught, covenants are kept,
  and love abounds.”

Why Share?

I’m a little hesitant to address this subject because of my tendency to weep whenever I think about it so please be gracious toward me as I attempt to do so. 

Missionary work has always been intimidating to me.  For years, I would cringe whenever that topic was addressed at the pulpit.  After being reconnected with some non-member friends, I experienced a daydream of sorts, where I was standing at the judgement bar with them.  As I was welcomed into the presence of the Lord, I looked back at my friends who were not.  I could see the tears and longing in their eyes and turning to me asked, “Why? Why didn’t you share with me what you knew?”  That vision has pulled at my heart ever since. 

This happened a little prior to the church’s efforts of “Hastening the Work” and so every conference address, sacrament meeting talk, and Sunday school or Relief Society lesson seemed to have the main desire of my heart.  It kept me laser focused and petitioning without weariness for a missionary experience.  My prayers became much more focused, sincere, and genuine, real prayers of faith, as I pleaded for the opportunity to be His instrument in bringing sheep to the fold.  I ached at the idea of my friends not having been invited to hear the good news and I sought every opportunity I could to do so.  I engaged in theology discussions, facebook posts, personal connections, and even blogging. 

Unfortunately, to this day, I’ve never had anyone convert to the gospel or find their way to Christ but I have had one apostate, one anti-Christ, one bizzaro worldview after another.   Atheist, Agnostic, Deist, Pagan, Cosmic Humanist, and lots of other philosophies I don’t even know how to label.  I was given missionary opportunities all around me.  I testified boldly, inviting and discussing at length.  I defended my God and gained a love for his children that I’ve never experienced before.  I studied “why Christ” or “Why I believe” extensively and had my faith fortified again and again.   In hindsight, I was blessed with many assurances and tender mercies that my prayers were being heard but it still has been fairly difficult to have a track record of planting seeds without any harvesting. 

I remember questioning why this might be the case… and then I had the thought that I had prayed that I would be able to love His children the way that He loves them.  I’m noticing that for some reason, God seems to answer those “Becoming” prayers a lot faster than the “I Want” prayers.   Maybe because that is part of our purpose for this earth experience – to become like Him.  I know my heart is in the right place, I’m learning to love others genuinely and want to offer them my most valuable gift, and I’m learning to become at peace, if they choose a different route,  I’m learning to love has he loves them.

So in conclusion, having a Christ-sharing home is part of the process of laboring diligently to persuade our children and also our brethren to believe in Christ and to be reconciled to (or restore those separated relationships with) God for we know that it is by grace we are saved – not our own genius, strength, management of the creature, goodness, or tower of Babel.  As we strengthen our own relationship with Christ, the natural byproduct will be a Christ-sharing home.