I’ve got a new son.
Not through birth or a bonus son (aka son-in-law). We thought we’d try a foreign exchange
student this year and it has been a glorious experience. The struggles of responsibility, cleanliness,
and social personality that I have with my own children, are among his many strong points and it has truly been
a pleasure (and a needed reprieve) of having a child who cheerfully and
willingly does his chores without being nagged.
Or who knows how to have fun, even the life of the party, and still
responsible for his own education at the same time. His parents must have raised him right and
I’m able to enjoy the benefits of their labors.
He is just an all-around good kid.
In the course of a discussion with him, he revealed that all
these attributes that I’m so admiring (and appreciating) are only a
façade. A great big lie. He admitted that he lies to everyone because
he doesn’t like himself (hates, I think was the term he used - with a great
deal of vehemence in his voice). Because
his true self is lazy, selfish, a recluse, a slob, and the sort. It was through reflection of these “true”
traits that he decided to fake it and act like he is something he’s not.
Of course, I feel he is being too hard on himself and isn’t
nearly as bad as indicated simply by the mere fact he is being proactive in
altering his behavior. Maybe self-loathing
and attempting to deceive the world wasn’t the best approach but behaving in
the manner in which he desired definitely is.
And I feel he’s operating under a misunderstanding of what
his true nature is. I think most of us
do. This discussion among other events
have been the catalyst for my musings on the true self. And as irony would have it, there is a huge
movement of authenticity in the world… and yet very few are clear on what it
means to be authentic.
Natural Man: Is it to be your physical self – carnal
and lazy and selfish, pursuing your own interests and wants? This is what I feel my new “son” may have perceived
as his true character. The physical body
has all sorts of “comfortable” demands and is motivated in a variety of
animalistic qualities. Addictions of pornography, drugs, drunkenness, video
games, gov’t hand-outs, and free-for-all sex result in celebrating and honoring
this type of authenticity. Although the
body is part of our character, it is only half of the equation, and the half
that needs improvement I might add.
Familiarity: Is a genuine person one who is true to
their upbringing or the way they were raised. A type of familiarity or loyalty to and
honoring of their heritage. I’ve seen
this in the big ticket items such as political views, religion, and personal values,
as well as many trivial items such as the brand of hot chocolate or evening
routines. With so many pressures placed on us to conform to society’s
standards, it’s easy to see how a person may feel a sense of authenticity by
choosing the familiar.
Purpose: Or is a bone fide person one who stands
up for their beliefs, a person of integrity.
The type of person who isn’t swayed by convenience or social
pressures. I can easily understand how a
sense of purpose or mission could be equated with arriving to oneself.
Honesty: Or maybe
self-validity is a type of arriving to maturity or emotional honesty. A heightened sense of self-awareness or
transparency in your dealings and motives.
Child of God: All
of the previous possibilities can be categorized as the world’s view, while
Heaven’s view might look a little differently.
Our origins began long before our taking a stand for a cause, before inner
deceptions or developments, before our upbringing, even prior to our having a
physical body. Authenticity in this category lies in the knowledge
(which then produces a behavior consistent with the knowledge) of being
children of God and heirs to his kingdom.
A disciple of Christ. Being
genuine spiritually recognizes God’s call to them, deep within their heart, and
the yearning to return to their spiritual home.
All of these possibilities ring true as being “authentic” and it may simply be a matter
of which type of genuineness you are referring to.
How inauthenticity
begins
I find it intriguing how one might wander away from their true
self or become inauthentic. Obviously
societal pressures and expectations have a great deal to do with it. Probably one of the many paradoxes – first
creating inauthenticity and then promoting its opposite.
Or another contributing factor may be the social game of
anticipating what we think the other person wants and then accommodating. This tradition of lying becomes an easy habit
that is not only difficult to stop, it muddles any concept of truth about self
or genuine relationships.
Possibly it began through parents and teachers, with good
intentions mind you, modifying a child’s behavior through rewards and
punishments. It may have manipulated the
child to get what they wanted but had the unexpected byproduct of creating a false
motivation.
Perhaps, as a child experienced an emotion or thought that
was not validated by others, or worse – rejected, those shame messages received would result in a
natural self-preservation to hide, conceal, or protect oneself from being
vulnerable again. Thus inauthenticity.
Of course, education has had its influence as well. Darwinism, being taught in our schools, is
probably the most damaging of all the anti-Christ agendas. To believe humans were created by mere chance
and that we originate from evolved animals, denies the very root of one’s true
self as God’s divine offspring.
Operating on a false understanding of what one’s true self is would make
it a little challenging to be true to yourself.
Yeah, I think there is plenty of potential causes to put on
a mask and become an actor on the stage of life. To join the masquerade and keep others (and
ourselves) guessing about our true identity.
But WHY?
Why be authentic?
If everybody’s doing it, why try to become genuine? It would
definitely make the odd man out. I think
there is something so rewarding, so soul expanding, so liberating when we are
honest to ourselves and to others. The
shackles of bondage simply fall away as we communicate openly and pursue honorably
a life of genuineness. There is inner
peace, self-satisfaction, joy, and the ability to really love.
When compared to the benefits of living a façade (self-protection,
selfishness, fitting in with the crowd, the ease of our default behavior, etc.)
it should make the choice pretty simple.
However, I don’t think people realize they are making a choice or even
looking at the comparison.
Hopefully this little outline helps in identifying the
comparison for others as it has for me.
My “son” may have lied or become inauthentic on many levels. As have I, as outlined HERE. My hope would be that he would define what
his genuine self is, choose whether to honor it, and abandon the self-loathing
so that he can love himself as much as I do.
