To Know - Our Personal Central Intelligence Agency

WHY!

That question has consumed my thoughts this last couple of months.  Maybe not in the sense which the question implies doubt or frustration with the way things have turned out, but in a sense which seeks for understanding. 

Why must I know something before I believe it?

Why do human beings feel they have to have proof or evidence of something? 

What is it about human nature that compels us to have proof for our actions or beliefs or opinions?  

I don't know if I'm making much sense here so let me give a little background.  I've had several incidents in my life lately where others were at a crossroads and had drawn conclusions based on their searching.  Most of them have been in a religious nature.  One was seeking for confirmation whether organized religion or a particular organized religion was the course they wanted to pursue.  Another had drawn the conclusion that there is no possible way to know that God even exists.  Another had made a conscious decision to abandon their faith after years of devotion and covenant making.  There were other events as well, but these three weighed heavy on my mind... and on my heart. 

I understand they have their agency and are free to make choices that are contrary to mine.  I understand that they had used a different epistlemology or concluded their decision based on information from different sources than I would have used - especially in spiritual matters.  I get that.  But the question kept coming up as - WHY.  Why do we feel the need to gather evidence - no matter what the source - to support our decisions. 

Then I considered the alternative - Making decisions or using our agency without some type of evidence.  We'd be basically blind followers of whatever whim of doctrine or idea is thrown at us.  That is not a good image.  But when you think about it, that seems to be exactly what we have, even with the internal drive to prove our decisions.  Everyone has different conclusions with the exact same information and events available.  Their experiences, nature, and adopted beliefs result in different conclusions. 

I understand the worldview that takes the easy route.  Stating that: All things are equal and everything is truth.  There is no evil; there is no Satan; there is no God; It's all good and all relative.  This philosophy is a cop-out and attempts to discredit evidence that doesn't work in their favor for a conscious free living. But it still is an attempt to provide evidence for their choice.

I understand the more scientific view - that the mind is a powerful thing and can prove or disprove anything it wants to.  Again, attempting to level the playing field to justify the choices made. 

With all the philosophies and worldviews I've been exposed to, there are endless possibilities of defining truth and endless venues to create evidence for an idea.  These endless possibilities make it convenient to explain our choices. 

But I'm a person of faith.  I don't believe all things are equal.  I don't believe spiritual matters don't exist.  I KNOW there are absolute truths and absolute deceptions.  I KNOW that half-truths and partial truths are incredibly convincing evidence for an idea or conclusion.  But I couldn't pin point why we felt impelled to provide evidence for our ideologies.

So I'm trying to figure this thing out and then it dawns on me.  One of those 'duh...' moments.

It's all part of the plan.  That drive, that need, is given to us as part of the package of agency.  If we didn't desire to have evidence or proof for our decisions, we would not have a fair test of our agency.

How can we know if we have chosen to take the spirit for our guide, if we don't have a multiple choice option to test our integrity. 

How can be we be accountable for the choices we make, if we don't have the need to weigh the options and choose our course based on our conclusions.  If we were blindly obedient and without a need to gather evidence, it would be pointless. 

I'm not sure why I'm driven to understand the "why" and I'm not sure I've not confused any reader with my aimless ramblings, but it's another example of seeking understanding in my search for truth. 

The gift of agency isn't just freedom of choice, it is a package deal.  Intelligence and deductions have to be part of it.  We become our own CIA - Central intelligence Agency - because we have the power to choose, the drive to choose wisely, and it has to be a personal decision that we are accountable for. 

Should Decisions be based on Thoughts? or Feelings?

Second Guessing…

Questioning again…

No longer secure in my decision…

This is such a frequent occurrence, I feel like I’m on a roller coaster.  The other night, we attended the local high school play.  The community kids shone with confidence and talent.  They were such in-the-zone being silly and fun and professional – all at the same time.  What made it worse was the play was a based on high school aged kids.  As I’m sitting there admiring their performance and connection with the audience, I couldn’t help but feel that my kids are being left out.  That maybe they are missing opportunities that can’t be made up at any other time.  That maybe sending them to public school wouldn’t be all that bad and may be what they need to really find and reach their potential.  I mean, look at the neighbor kids.  So confident, so accomplished, so… much… more… 

It’s ironic that these reflections were caused through theater – the one area that I feel they are getting a very good foundation and experience through Shakespeare and Activate.

I tried to push down those thoughts, knowing that I’ve already thought this thing through and felt confident with my decision.  But then I think about my own high school experience.  I loved it.  I loved the social life and felt I could conquer the world from the rush of being with friends.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, the school work was a part of the equation too, to some degree, but it wasn’t what fueled me.  I got through the study because of the social.  Flirting with cute boys, long talks with girlfriends, passing notes, hanging out in the hallway, ever aware of what was cool and popular.  It was a good life, I think. 

So why have I basically quarantined my children to an isolated farm life, with no local friends, very limited extra-curricular activity, and a heavy emphasis on scholarly study. 

As I considered the prospect of my children being in this community play, it became obvious that they would have been given a lesser part- just as some less popular or less talented kids had.  They would have been the low man on the totem pole.  Would that experience still be as satisfying to them as I had hoped?  Would being a lesser than - rather than an equal to – given them the confidence, the accomplishments, the umph to reach their potential? 

But back to the question at hand.  Is homeschooling the best option for my children? And, if I am to homeschool my children, don’t they deserve to have a fun mom with an abundance of energy, creativity, and financial resources.   Is teaching them how to work…hard… so very important at this stage in their life?  Is ‘work before play’ an adult’s mantra and should a child’s be ‘play hard before years and years of unceasing work’.  Is once a week social for a couple of hours in a scholarly setting enough of a social life to keep them excited and motivated about life?  I honestly don’t know. 

But here are some things I do know.   I love my children.  I want them to have every advantage to a happy and productive life that they can, even beyond their high school years.  I have been given stewardship over their education and upbringing, and I FEEL like the decisions I’ve made are right.  I don’t know why they shouldn’t have the same experiences that I had growing up and so I have to trust that God has a work for them that is more or at least different than the typical public school preparation. 

The questions and concerns I have can best be described as ‘doubts’.  The decisions and the direction I’m going can best be described as ‘confidence, trust, & enlightenment’.  

Do I still have doubts – YES.  Am I going to abandon my decision because I don’t have all the answers or see the entire picture?  Am I going to let thoughts of ‘what if’s’ or ‘logic’ or ‘everybody else is doing it and they seem fine’ replace my internal guidance of the spirit?  I’d have to say NO.  I will put those thoughts in the back of my mind to consider the validity of them in respect to my and their mission and if I feel impressed to act on that, then I can move forward.  

Until then, I’ll keep on keeping on.  

Strength Training

Burdens are uncomfortable.

It was used again today.  That old object lesson of putting rocks (in this case, pretty shaped concrete used for lawn trim) in a backpack - showing the discomfort of carrying around unnecessary weights.

You know, how each rock represents something that we choose to carry with us (such as sin, or debt, or hatred, etc.) and the point being that we don't have to carry such a heavy burden.  I always took that lesson at point value before, but now, I'm reconsidering.

As the young man who was volunteered to wear the backpack began to sway slightly with each added block, the thought came to me - 'He'll be stronger for carrying that'.  I don't suppose that would have supported the purpose of the lesson.  Can you imagine the point becoming 'Avoid carrying unnecessary burdens so you can be a weakling'.  

But as I look back over my life and view the strength of character of those I admire, it wasn't because our backs were unburdened, but because we worked through the burn and discomfort of carrying that weight. We created new muscle and fortified our stance by the resistance that was placed on us.  

Case in point.  Some burdens are placed on us and some we place on ourselves.  Some burdens are for our growth and some are stumbling blocks to growth.  

I'd like to be able to say that those burdens that we place on ourselves are the ones that cause us to stop growth - but that's not always the case.  Setting goals, establishing higher standards, stretching ourselves to reach greater heights are all examples of self-imposed burdens that create growth.

Yes, giving in to addictions or sin; holding on to negative emotions such as doubt, fear, or anger; or withholding forgiveness and love are self-imposed baggage that when shed, it feels so good to rid yourself of that pressure.  But let's be honest.  Carrying that weight DOES make you stronger.

Stronger in your addiction or viewpoint, more familiar and comfortable with the negative results that these things produce, more consistent in the type of person these burdens create.

Likewise, facing a complicated health issue or loss of a loved one, working through financial challenges, or even something as simple as having to go without a washer and dryer for awhile; those burdens make you stronger, more able to hurdle the next obstacle, or give you the maturity to be patient and trusting and roll up your sleeves to find another way.

Is there actual danger involved in these burdens.  I suppose so - many have lost their way, given up, or found a cover up that is worse than the original burden.  But most of the time, just like the old saying, 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.

That makes me think of the argument opposing homeschooling. Stating that children need to be in public school so that they will be strong enough to handle the challenges of the real world.  They are like a muscle in strength training.  As they experience resistance, they may break a little bit but will be that much stronger because they will develop the muscle necessary to stand strong.  And for a long time I thought that was a justifiable argument - until I looked into the scriptures to find the Lord's counsel.

He tells us to stand in holy places - not in opposition.  To fortify our faith by immersing ourselves in the scriptures and keeping the commandments.  He has never counseled us to put ourselves in compromising situations in order to become stronger.  Strength in him comes only through Him - not the adversary.

The irony is that the Lord puts us in those situations all the time.  He answers our prayers with opportunities to grow through resistance, through experience, through breaking our will just enough that we develop new strength... by depending on His strength.  

So what's the difference?

The only thing I can figure is who is placing the burden on us. If it is the adversary or ourselves - that baggage can be back breaking.  If it happens because we are learning to surrender to the Lord's will - that burden is sanctifying, that burden is counted for our good and growth, that burden is in our best interest.

As the Scripture says:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,  and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Familiarity

It’s an oxymoron. 

Well, at least human behavior in regard to something that is familiar seem to be oxymoronic (Is that a word?)

Of course familiar is derived from the same roots as the word family and has meaning along the lines of:  intimate, well acquainted, or recognizable. 

What intrigues me is the polar or opposite responses we as humans have toward things which are familiar. 

On the one hand, familiarity breeds contempt. 

We tend to devalue that which is common place or familiar to us.  We take for granted that which we have and are drawn to what we don’t. This is seen in physics (opposites attract), in relationships (again – opposites, as well as taking for granted the family and friends we interact with every day), in trends and fashions (the familiar is considered old-fashioned whereas the new and changing is fashionable), and in motives (rebelling against what is – as though driven to break away into something new).     

On the other hand, familiarity creates loyalty. 

We tend to have confidence in what we already know or are comfortable around environments that are familiar to us.  It is our safety net and comfort zone.  This can be seen in the woman who leaves one dysfunctional relationship to start a new one with the same caliber of guy.  It is all she knows and the pain associated there is not as frightening as the pain of trying something different.  It can be seen in the instinctive fight against new ideas and philosophies that are foreign to us.  It can be seen in traditions that are repeated for generations – sometimes without any thought as to its original purpose or if that purpose is pertinent now.  It can be seen in our preferences and choices, because of our previous exposure to it (whatever it may be – I’m always amused that whenever a different version of a movie or storyline come along, people usually prefer whichever version they were exposed to first.)

That seems oxymoronic, or contradictory, to me.  We respond with either contempt… or loyalty… to that which is familiar.  So on the reverse, we respond with either loyalty or contempt to that which is unfamiliar.  Now that seems truly moronic to me. 

 

I started these musings over this summer where I learned the following powerful concept:

                   We tend to have CONFIDENCE in that which is most FAMILIAR

                                                          ………even if it is wrong. 

Our confidence isn’t based on logical deductions.  It obviously isn’t based on some moral guideline or inner guidance system.  It isn’t based on historical cycles or trusting a higher authority or power.  And it certainly isn’t based on force or compulsion……..  But simply on familiarity. 

And so I began to question what my confidences are based on, what they should be based on, as well as become aware of how familiarity has worked in my life.  The following incidents may illustrate my experience.  

 

Awhile ago, I had been looking for a particular message through contemporary music. 
Since I was unfamiliar with so many of the popular songs, I began listening with increased interest and questioning the meaning and words of each song that came on the radio.  Needless to say, my teens were enjoying the frequent exposure to that style of music – in the car, while doing work around the house, while exercising, etc.  It didn’t take long before I started recognizing and enjoying much of the music around me. 

Then an ironic thing happened.  We were driving in the car, as a family, with the radio on.  My husband, who sits in a truck most every day – all day, and over time had become disenchanted with pop radio and even most of talk radio, preferring instead audio books. Anyway, during a song I had really come to enjoy, he changed it to a station which plays LDS songs, hymns, and devotional addresses.  I was surprised to realize that I was annoyed by his interference and even more surprised that I was uncomfortable with this style of music on a day other than the Sabbath.  Music that just months before was perfectly fine and even preferred.  Well, that was a red flag.  I had allowed myself overexposure to a medium that had altered my very nature.  My familiarity had changed. 

 

On another occasion, my friend loaned me a movie by Sherwood productions called ‘Facing the Giants’ with a notification that it was ‘very Christian’.  We watched the movie as

a family and sure enough the ‘Christian’ parts were fairly uncomfortable to me.  Not that I disbelieved anything they said, rather that it didn’t seem real in a high school situation. It certainly wasn’t real in my high school experience.  Like people would ever really talk like that.   It had a born-again feeling to it that I wasn’t comfortable with and the acting wasn’t that great.  I couldn’t put my finger on it but it just didn’t feel right. It was unfamiliar.  I returned the movie and didn’t think anything of it.  On another occasion I ran across another Sherwood Production film called ‘Fireproof’.  A similar thing happened, but not as intense this time.  However, the message of building a strong marriage was so powerful and inspiring, that we watched it again…, and again…, and again.  By now, I had whet my appetite for inspiring movies.  So I watched ‘Courageous’ and then ‘Flywheel’.  I was hooked.  I bought all of these movies, and now I cannot believe that I wasn’t impressed or thought it was bad acting the first time I saw these.  I did a complete 180 degrees from my first impression based on my familiarity. 

I did the same thing with music.  I made a conscious choice to only listen to a certain type of music, especially in the mornings before school.  Soon I overcame my discomfort with it and am choosing what I want to be familiar with. 

 

A similar situation has applied in my own home.  I have, what you might say, a chaotic type of lifestyle.  Now…. I’m not claiming to have that be my preference but it is what I have.  Many times something breaks and needs repaired or I’m in the middle of a project or simply something needs to be put away – but I don’t have time right this second to attend to it. I’m not lazy – just fairly busy.  Well, that something that has been put on the back burner, sits there for an unidentified amount of time.  And then when I do have a moment to attend to a non-urgent matter, I’m so familiar with the chaos and clutter that it doesn’t occur to me to fix it until I’m experiencing a greater deal of emotional discomfort.  And since I’m a high tolerance person, I hate to admit that I experience a lot of unnecessary pain.  Familiarity definitely worked to my disadvantage here. 

 Recently, my son put himself into a potentially fatal position through familiarity.  He’s a diabetic and has been since he was one year old.  And I’m afraid to say that he has managed his blood sugars fairly poorly.  He has become quite accustomed to really high blood glucose readings and may have some rebellion toward the whole diabetic thing.  And since he’s had high blood sugars for so long and they are so frequent – he doesn’t pay attention to the warning signs like he should.  With puberty setting in it affects his sugars even more.  Well, evidently he had sustained high readings and he wasn’t coming down.  Soon he started vomiting and his breathing was quite irregular.  We found that he was in Ketoacidosis which could very well have ended his life that night if we didn’t start flushing the acidic toxins out of his system (which was challenging to do when he vomited all the fluids we put in).   Another bad for the effects of familiarity.  

 

In each of these cases, contempt had (or hopefully will have) turned to loyalty.  I’m fascinated not only with the power of familiarity, but also that we can CHOOSE what we want to become familiar with.  In the case of chaotic lifestyle or poor health choices, we can make choices so that we are loyal toward or comfortable with order in the home and targeted blood sugars.  We can choose our familiarity, our comfort zone, our very nature.  That’s a powerful concept.

In regard to societal norms, there is a lot of ideas and exposure to items that I’d rather not become familiar and comfortable with.  Such things as tolerance for alternative lifestyles or corruption in our government.  Can I change these things by my own efforts.  No, Not at all – change only happens through unity.  But I can choose to not accept them as the societal norms.  Not in some denial or self-righteous effort – but a choice of non-(over)exposure.  It has two effects.  I am in charge of my own environment and by so doing, resist uniting with others of their acceptance (it’s not the change I want to support).  And if by some chance others choose the same as me, we create our own unity and force for good – thus change that I am willing to support.  I choose… and live… what I want to be familiar with. 

Just as a side note. 

One of the definitions of familiar also caught my attention.  It was in regard to the term ‘familiar spirits’.  This is generally referring to evil or unclean spirits.   I guess I can understand that reference since Satan and his followers are really brothers and sisters who chose not to follow our Heavenly Father’s plan.  They are familiar to our spirits.  We were intimate, well acquainted, and now in this mortality, they are vaguely recognizable.  But I have no desire to be loyal to them.  So I choose contempt or familiarity to their absence.

Conversely, I AM desiring to be loyal to the Lord’s spirit and his guardian angels.  I welcome familiarity with their influence, even at a time when the rest of the world seems to choose contempt toward (or disassociation from their influence by denying their very existence).  By choosing familiarity with the righteous forces on the other side of the veil, my familiarity will create increased access to their power and influence. 

So, familiarity is another tool in my tool belt of personal empowerment.  Defining what I want my character or nature to be and then creating it by familiarizing myself with that environment. 

 

Spiritual Self-Reliance

The following is written version (as best as I can remember) of the talk I gave in church on Sept 8, 2013. 

When I got up this morning and began grooming and primping - I was focused on that task when Grady walked in and told me to take as long as I needed – to not rush on his account.  ………  It took me a while to figure out that he was referring to the talks.  But thanks to brother Hillman, our concerns are reversed since I am the concluding speaker. 

When brother Hillman called and asked us to speak – he seemed a little unsure on how to describe the subject.  He said ‘something along the lines of spiritual and temporal self-reliance’.  Grady has just addressed the topic of Temporal Self-reliance and so I’ve found four aspects of Spiritual self-reliance that I’d like to touch on today. 

The concept of self- reliance seems to indicate some type of personal power.  Some type of self-salvation.  That through our genius or intellect, through our good management of time and resources, or through our industry and efforts, through relying upon our own strength  – we are capable of accomplishing or succeeding in life or in anything.   

I propose that just the opposite is true.  It is through our dependence upon our own efforts that we place ourselves in spiritual bondage and actually prevent any true success or growth or salvation. 

Korihor, a great anti-Christ, promoted these very concepts of self- reliance. (Alma 30:17)

                                “And many more such things did he say unto them, telling them that there

 could be no atonement made for the sins of men,  but every man fared in

this life according to the management of the creature; therefore every man

prospered according to his genius, and that every man conquered according

to his strength; and whatsoever a man did was no crime.”

 

All our efforts of self success – goal setting and visualization, or life-planning and life management, or push a little harder and persistence, to get beyond the splatt, believe in yourself -  all of these done without the sanction and guidance of the Lord, who is the true and only source of power, are manifestations of our vanity (in ourselves) and our unbelief (in Christ).

                So Self-reliance, Self-sufficiency, and Self-Mastery – in this perception – is hypocritical.

Professing Christ as our Savior, but then living as thou He doesn’t really matter

 

                I’ve heard it said that True Self-Reliance is relying on the only true source of power. 

True Self-sufficiency is turning to Him that is Sufficient. 

And True Self-Mastery is turning our self over to the Master. 

 

If we as a people turn to self before turning to God, we are dangerously close to the people of the church in Alma’s day. (Alma 4:6)  See if any of this rings true in our church today.

                                “…the people of the church began to wax proud, because of their

exceeding riches, and their fine silks, and their fine-twined linen,

and because of their many flocks and herds, and their gold and their

silver, and all manner of precious things, which they had obtained

by their industry; and in all these things were they lifted up in the

pride of their eyes,…. “

 

So instead of self-reliance, which may create feelings of self-power, maybe RELIANCE ON GOD (1).  Relying on his spirit to guide us.

Which brings us to the next facet of Spiritual self-reliance.  I like to call it our INNER ALLEGIANCE (2).

A number of years ago, I learned a word, at a two-day math seminar of all places.  And I didn’t think much on the word at that time but have since reflected on again and again.  It has been such an eye-opening concept to me as I’ve pondered the implications and seen my own folly in so many respects.  And so at the risk of not giving it fair justice in this brief outline I wanted to share it with you.  And I invite you to take some time and consider just where your inner allegiance lies.   

The word is Epistlemology. 

With the root being epistle.  It’s not necessarily the study of letters… but the study of knowledge, understanding, truth, or how one determines these things.  We, as the covanant people of God, would claim that we obtain knowledge and truth by revelation.  But I was surprised how frequently I put my trust and determining power in other epistlemologies. 

               

*Revelation (Knowledge revealed directly from God through his spirit)

                *Credentialism (revelation by an expert – someone with credentials rather than from God)

 

                 This is a big one in our society today.  There are so many experts that put their revelation 

                 out there for us to buy into.  Take for example, nutrition.  The experts, such as the FDA,

                 tells us what is good for our bodies and if they put their stamp of approval on a box of

                 something, we consume it without even considering that it is not in the form of a whole

                 food that was created by God.  We allow experts to tamper with our seeds (GMO’s), and

                 our seasons (fruit all year long), and our standard (The food guide pyramid).  Even if it is in

                 conflict with the revealed word of wisdom. 

Another area is with our health.  The experts called doctors council is above our own judgment  and we neglect to use the herbs or the priesthood first.   We adopt fad diets to lose weight rather than trust in the sweat of thy brow.

Education is a huge area where we are guided by experts.  If a professor (with credentials) says it, or a textbook (which is put together by experts) states it, or the system (which is established to separate God out of our education) promotes it – we accept it as the way it is – rather than being guided by the spirit.  How many times do we make sure our child is learning the common core standards, rather than seeking what the Lord wants them to learn.   We seek learning by what the experts dictate as learning rather than by study and by faith and using the power of the Holy Ghost to identify the truth of all things. 

One thing my daughter pointed out is our choice of careers is motivated by the credentials associated with it – how much money or success – rather than where our passion lies or what God would have us do to bring about his cause.

                *Mandarinism (An official or supposed authority declares truth)-

This is where we put our trust in these supposed or temporary authorities rather than in trusting in the supreme power and authority of the Kingdom of God.  This is where we vote based on what the polls indicate has a chance of winning, rather than voting our conscience of who would be the best choice.  This is where we support a political party, even when their platform is the ‘lesser of two evils’.  This is where judges make a ruling that is inconsistent with God’s laws – and we are ok with it.

                *Imperisism (the scientific method proves that it is true)

                                So much of our society buys into proof through the scientific method.  Which is

                                interesting because science is incapable of proof positive.  It can only disprove a

                                previous theory.  Only the Holy Ghost has been given the ability to prove a truth.                                  That is one of his purposes and yet we rarely are convinced of it unless it done 

                                through another mean. 

                *Pragmatism (the knowledge has stood the test of time and it works)

This is where the traditions of our fathers is where we put our trust.  The habits, the way things are done because it has always been done that way, the reason we cut off the end of the rump roast is because that is the way our mother did it.  Some of the traditions of our fathers are very good to continue in that path, such as our founding fathers or our spiritual leaders who have established systems or beliefs or traditions that are for our benefit.  But there are some that once we are on auto-pilot, we don’t even think just how inconsistent our behavior is with our beliefs. 

                *Aesthetisism (it is too ordered, beautiful, and symmetrical to be anything but true)

 

               I believe this is an epistlemology that is more prevelant in the eastern culture because, I
                haven’t found much of my own emphasis on this.  The only thing I question with this            
                concept is that if one were to look at the universe and be in awe of its majesty and beauty. 
                On one hand you have the creation and on the other hand you have the big bang theory. 
                Both theories claim to be the cause of this ordered universe, but one theory is seriously
                flawed.

                *Reason (the use of one’s own logic to prove something)

This is where we have the vanity, the audacity, the concept of self-power, to be the determining factor if something is true.  One might hear things as ‘It just stands to reason’, or ‘It’s only logical’.  I’m not promoting that we don’t use our reason, or to not think things through.  Quite the opposite.  It is only through pondering and weighing information that we can have the confirmation of the spirit to testify of a truth.  It is when we trust in our own ability to determine truth, without the spirit’s approval that I feel we verge on getting on unsafe ground. 

                *Historicism (lessons from history and cycles prove the knowledge as true)

                                Since I love history, I probably fall prey to this epistlemology more than I would

                                like.  This is where we conclude a truth, based solely on what has happened in the

                                past.  Seeing the cycles and repetitive nature of life, we trust in our conclusion,

                                rather than trusting in prophecy. 

Some ways we can identify as to where our inner allegiance lies is through some Human Tendencies. 

*WE TEND TO BEHAVE THE WAY WE BELIEVE –

                This is a good thing.  We want our behavior to be consistent with our beliefs.  But if we reverse it, and look at our behavior, it is an indicator of where our epistlemology is and what are true beliefs are. 

*WE TEND TO HAVE CONFIDENCE IN WHAT IS MOST FAMILIAR…, EVEN IF IT IS WRONG- 

This is why it is so important that we immerse ourselves in things of the spirit - in the scriptures, in the temple, in church, in family.  And not spend quite so much of our time familiarizing in things of the world.  So that we can have be familiar with and have confidence in - truth.

The third aspect of self-reliance is in regard to the ELEMENTS OF FREEDOM (3) that are associated with it.

Freedom is two-fold:  Freedom from outward compulsion, which I’ll address in a moment  –  as well as freedom from the adversaries influence.

Our bodies are in a fallen state which puts us not only subject to the influence of Satan, but it is our default if we do not consciously choose out of it.  When we are spiritually self-reliant or choose to yield to the enticings of the holy ghost, we experience spiritual freedom from that default. 

I grew up in a very LDS family along with my younger brother.  We had the same family home evening every Monday night, the same family scripture study and family prayer.  The same parental influence and family standards, and yet my younger brother’s inner allegiance was very different than mine.  He must have put too much merit into the other epistlemologies and world views and philosophies of men.  Which has put him in both spiritual and physical bondage.

                For the last several years he has had semi-permanent residence in prisons, mental hospitals, and Alocoholics Anonymous, with heavy medications, and the debilitating effects of being a social outcast.   While growing up, he had every opportunity to strengthen his testimony of the Savior, but he could lean on our parent’s testimony for only so long before the default of the fallen nature took over. 

                I’m happy to say, that he may have hit rock bottom and in his last letter, it looks very promising of him finally believing and trusting in a higher power – and he is looking at his parents beliefs with the idea that maybe they were right after all.  Maybe he needs to not only believe in God but also have a real, personal relationship with him. 

Elder Marion G. Romney said-

                                “Whenever we get into a situation which threatens our self-reliance,

we will find our freedom threatened as well.  If we increase our dependence, we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act.”

I’ve heard it said that the way to gain Independence is through independents.  Dependents are consumers, handout takers, and crowd followers who conform to outward pressures.  Independents are producers, owners, creators who weigh choices and make a conscious decision based on their internal government and correct principles. 

A number of years ago, I read a little pamphlet written by Ezra Taft Benson when he was the secretary of Agriculture.  It wasn’t very big but it has affected my choices and thinking processes in a big way.  It is entitled “The Proper Role of Government” and basically it outlines what government should do and how it shouldn’t step out of those boundaries.  I profess to be honest in my dealings with my fellowmen, but he pointed out that when I accept handouts from the gov’t, I am stealing from my neighbor without their consent.  The concept was very powerful in helping me want to choose to be governed by correct principles, rather than by opportunity.   I considered that if I wasn’t forced to provide for my neighbor (forced charity) through unjust taxation, I couldn’t wait for the phone to ring with some charity asking for aid.  I got excited about the concept of setting aside a certain amount of money for philanthropy and seeking out the opportunities of doing good in the world.  Helping the homeless, seeking some good cause to promote, supporting some entrepreneurial idea that will bring about positive change in the world.  I know we can do this right now if we choose to but it would be a lot easier if the government didn’t always have their hands in our pockets.

Physical freedom from tyrannical gov’t is created through temporal acts, such as grow your own food, or make your own, well, anything – but the desire to be free, the intent, and the decision to choose those temporal acts for the cause of freedom, even if it is uncomfortable or inconvenient, is spiritual in nature.

Once we have the freedom to have abundance, we can choose to serve.  That brings us to the fourth aspect of spiritual self-reliance.  It is a precursor to serve, a prerequisite to living the celestial Law, the foundational element of building Zion.   

The Lord does not encourage self-reliance so that we can stand alone – He promotes Unity.  He doesn’t encourage it so we can have an advantage over those who were not wise enough to act – He invites all to receive the blessings which he has to offer.  Neither does he encourage it so that he doesn’t have to provide for our temporal needs – He created all the heavens and the earth and is very capable of taking care of our physical needs.  But he doesn’t do for us what we are capable of doing for ourselves.   All of His commandments are gifts of how to be truly happy…and only through self-reliance can we position ourselves to do what will bring genuine happiness  - through serving each other.

That is God’s way of perfecting the saints – The “Have’s” serve “Have not’s”.  Not in a robin hood type of redistribution of wealth or give handouts of fish, but because we feel genuine love for each other, we teach each other how to fish.  Those who ‘have’ abundance are sanctified by the sacrifice they make to help those less fortunate.  And those who ‘have not’ are sanctified by humbling themselves to receive aid until they can get on their own feet.  And when they can, they in turn help those with their talents or their abundance when they receive it. 

In the 1982 General Conference it states:

“How can we give if there is nothing there?  Food for the hungry

cannot come from empty shelves.  Money to assist the needy

cannot come from an empty purse.  Support and understanding

cannot come from the emotionally starved.  Teaching cannot come

from the unlearned.  And most important of all, spiritual guidance

cannot come from the spiritually weak. “

 President Uchtdorf said:

                                “Our spiritual progress is inseparably bound together with the temporal

service we give to others.  The one complements the other.  The one

without the other is a counterfeit of God’s plan of happiness. “…

                                “For it is in sacrificing our time, talents, and resources that our spirits

mature and become refined.”

That spiritual refinement that must take place before Zion can be established.  That spiritual refinement that the Celestial law requires.  Where we are one heart and one mind, until there is no poor among us.  That is why we should become spiritually self-reliant.  That is why we should become temporally self-reliant.  So that we can create a Zion society.    

These four aspects  (1)Reliance on the Savior… (2)aligning our Inner Allegiance on him and his spirit…  (3) Choosing the Elements of Freedom…  and (4)laying the foundation to serve, to live the celestial law, and to create Zion.  It is my prayer that we can all work on ourselves and serve each other.  In the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen

Lessons from Myself

I love it when I learn wisdom from myself.  ….  Let me try explain.  It seems there are times when I blog or even in a conversation, I think I’ve already internalized the lessons that I’m “preaching”.  It came from within so hopefully the lessons were there to stay.  Right.  I’m finding that isn’t always the case. 

In regard to my post regarding having faith in Fear, I had pondered that concept for well over two months and believed I had had a fairly firm grasp on it.  It probably wasn’t a week later I had a huge trial where I was overcome with fear.  Not a life or death fear, but a paralyzing fear all the same.  I was sobbing as I experienced that unnecessary pain.  Then it occurred to me that I was full of faith…Faith in Fear.  Faith that I couldn’t have what I so desperately wanted. Faith that the past would repeat itself.  Faith that I wasn’t good enough, or blessed enough, or simply… enough to have what I wanted for my family.  Well, that realization brought a whole new level of pain because I knew I could choose out of it but felt powerless to do so. 

          As always, time, re-evaluating my situation, and trusting that God was aware of my pain brought peace to my heart.  I had learned to have faith in God, and put my selfish fears aside for something even better.  But what is interesting to me is the fact that I learned from my own writing, my own musings. 

          It happened again yesterday.  I went visiting teaching and it was a very typical visit.  I sat on the couch between the two sisters who chatted back and forth (they’ve known each other a lot longer than I’ve known them) with my little inserts here and there.  One of my inserts was a comment that I didn’t really think much about – it just came out and I figured it was true enough.  They were talking back and forth about all the things they worry and fret about.  I casually said that if we would just put our energies into doing the things we are supposed to do, we would be too busy to worry about the things we can’t do anything about.  They agreed with the comment that we aren’t getting everything done they should and that was probably good advice.  That was the end of it. 

          Then this morning I woke up around 4:00am.  Just woke up for no reason at all.  As I lay there, my mind wandered to all the things that are going wrong in my life. 

*Both of my adult children have been unable to find employment, and are just stuck in life.  Shakespeare can’t pursue her education, or work in a third world country (her latest desire) because she has no way to pay for anything.  Due to the isolated nature of where we live, they aren’t dating or experiencing much of anything socially.  And she’s struggling with a claustrophic depression, caused by the timing or need to leave home but not being able to come up with the means. 

*My son also concerns me greatly.  He has taken to beating himself up and constantly reinforcing how horrible he is.  He seems stuck in this downward spiral of loathing self and creating opportunities to loathe himself some more.  It goes without saying that I can’t trust him to do a large majority of what I ask him to because that would create success and would sabotage his self-fulfilling prophecy. 

*This of course causes contention for the rest of the family and chaos in the function of the home.  His well-meaning sisters, (who resent him for his poor choice of behavior) try to correct him, which goes over like a brick floating in water. Everyone’s heart is at war and peace is becoming a foreign concept.    

*I’ve been so focused on getting my house in order so that we can function somewhat normally, that I’ve not taken time to ‘be’ with my younger children.  Yes they got fed and diapers changed but the heart of mommy has been far removed.  Needless to say, their deficit is becoming painfully known.  Fighting, bossing, hitting, whining, demanding, and all around snottyness is becoming their norm. 

*As mentioned before, I have really been putting a focus on specific areas.  The yard and garden are finally getting attention.  The laundry was finally caught up.  Errands and finances have been put into order.  And I’ve been wracking my brain trying to create an opportunity as well as finish preparations for school to begin.  The combination of focused energy and neglected children, I’ve not had the desire to enforce appropriate behavior standards.  The chores are less than ok and the morale of the home is even less than that.  I went to bed last night with no desire to even be a mom for awhile.  Pretty sad. 

          So, this morning when I woke up and was stewing over the sad state of affairs in the Osburn household, I decided to get up and pour my soul out to God.  Before I said anything, my thoughts turned to that comment I made during Visiting Teaching. If I would just do the things that I’m supposed to do instead of worry about the things I can’t control – I wouldn’t have time to fret.   And so instead of pleading for help, I felt to thank him for the peace I was beginning to feel.  I asked for power to put my energies into loving and supporting my children better and asked forgiveness for my selfish behavior lately. It was an interesting shift of energy.  Before I knelt down, I felt pretty high on the hopeless scale.  And as soon as I channeled my thoughts, I felt peace, empowerment, assurance, and ready to roll up my sleeves and get to work. 

 

‘Let go and Let God’ is a powerful concept.