Lessons from Myself

I love it when I learn wisdom from myself.  ….  Let me try explain.  It seems there are times when I blog or even in a conversation, I think I’ve already internalized the lessons that I’m “preaching”.  It came from within so hopefully the lessons were there to stay.  Right.  I’m finding that isn’t always the case. 

In regard to my post regarding having faith in Fear, I had pondered that concept for well over two months and believed I had had a fairly firm grasp on it.  It probably wasn’t a week later I had a huge trial where I was overcome with fear.  Not a life or death fear, but a paralyzing fear all the same.  I was sobbing as I experienced that unnecessary pain.  Then it occurred to me that I was full of faith…Faith in Fear.  Faith that I couldn’t have what I so desperately wanted. Faith that the past would repeat itself.  Faith that I wasn’t good enough, or blessed enough, or simply… enough to have what I wanted for my family.  Well, that realization brought a whole new level of pain because I knew I could choose out of it but felt powerless to do so. 

          As always, time, re-evaluating my situation, and trusting that God was aware of my pain brought peace to my heart.  I had learned to have faith in God, and put my selfish fears aside for something even better.  But what is interesting to me is the fact that I learned from my own writing, my own musings. 

          It happened again yesterday.  I went visiting teaching and it was a very typical visit.  I sat on the couch between the two sisters who chatted back and forth (they’ve known each other a lot longer than I’ve known them) with my little inserts here and there.  One of my inserts was a comment that I didn’t really think much about – it just came out and I figured it was true enough.  They were talking back and forth about all the things they worry and fret about.  I casually said that if we would just put our energies into doing the things we are supposed to do, we would be too busy to worry about the things we can’t do anything about.  They agreed with the comment that we aren’t getting everything done they should and that was probably good advice.  That was the end of it. 

          Then this morning I woke up around 4:00am.  Just woke up for no reason at all.  As I lay there, my mind wandered to all the things that are going wrong in my life. 

*Both of my adult children have been unable to find employment, and are just stuck in life.  Shakespeare can’t pursue her education, or work in a third world country (her latest desire) because she has no way to pay for anything.  Due to the isolated nature of where we live, they aren’t dating or experiencing much of anything socially.  And she’s struggling with a claustrophic depression, caused by the timing or need to leave home but not being able to come up with the means. 

*My son also concerns me greatly.  He has taken to beating himself up and constantly reinforcing how horrible he is.  He seems stuck in this downward spiral of loathing self and creating opportunities to loathe himself some more.  It goes without saying that I can’t trust him to do a large majority of what I ask him to because that would create success and would sabotage his self-fulfilling prophecy. 

*This of course causes contention for the rest of the family and chaos in the function of the home.  His well-meaning sisters, (who resent him for his poor choice of behavior) try to correct him, which goes over like a brick floating in water. Everyone’s heart is at war and peace is becoming a foreign concept.    

*I’ve been so focused on getting my house in order so that we can function somewhat normally, that I’ve not taken time to ‘be’ with my younger children.  Yes they got fed and diapers changed but the heart of mommy has been far removed.  Needless to say, their deficit is becoming painfully known.  Fighting, bossing, hitting, whining, demanding, and all around snottyness is becoming their norm. 

*As mentioned before, I have really been putting a focus on specific areas.  The yard and garden are finally getting attention.  The laundry was finally caught up.  Errands and finances have been put into order.  And I’ve been wracking my brain trying to create an opportunity as well as finish preparations for school to begin.  The combination of focused energy and neglected children, I’ve not had the desire to enforce appropriate behavior standards.  The chores are less than ok and the morale of the home is even less than that.  I went to bed last night with no desire to even be a mom for awhile.  Pretty sad. 

          So, this morning when I woke up and was stewing over the sad state of affairs in the Osburn household, I decided to get up and pour my soul out to God.  Before I said anything, my thoughts turned to that comment I made during Visiting Teaching. If I would just do the things that I’m supposed to do instead of worry about the things I can’t control – I wouldn’t have time to fret.   And so instead of pleading for help, I felt to thank him for the peace I was beginning to feel.  I asked for power to put my energies into loving and supporting my children better and asked forgiveness for my selfish behavior lately. It was an interesting shift of energy.  Before I knelt down, I felt pretty high on the hopeless scale.  And as soon as I channeled my thoughts, I felt peace, empowerment, assurance, and ready to roll up my sleeves and get to work. 

 

‘Let go and Let God’ is a powerful concept.

NAVIGATING THE FAMILY

This is part of a series on preparing to educate at home.

My husband and I went on a little adventurous camping trip.  Before leaving, we had chosen a camping site by a lake and he thought he understood how to get there.  Unfortunately, we neglected to bring the map with us.  We drove around dirt roads and campsites for hours.  Some of the roads were quite rough with big sharp rocks that had us questioning the condition of the underside of our car.  Other roads went on and on, up a mountain, or through a gulch.  We never found a lake and ended up camping at some obscure site that was overrun with four wheelers.  It was alright but not what we had hoped for. 

A number of years ago my father-in-law passed away. At that time I learned that he was a navigator for the Navy during the Korean War.  It was his job to give directions to the pilot so they could reach their destinations and accomplish their missions.  If these aircraft were to fly around, aimlessly looking for a good place to drop a bomb, chances would be very unlikely that they would win any war.  But instead they had a very specific objective, and utilized navigational tools such as a map and compass, as well as the skills and equipment such as trained officers and aircraft, to accomplish their objective. 

            Our families can be similar to these scenarios.  Politics, schools, society, peers, advertisements, etc. all are guided by their own self-interest as they solicit you or your children’s allegiance.  If we are not engaged in the war of our own objective, or actively following the trail of our own choosing, the end result could easily turn out to be something very different than desired.

Objective 

Before one can navigate through the obstacles and distractions, a specific objective should be defined.  Do I want to camp by the lake… or on some dusty trail at the base of a mountain.  The old adage of ‘Begin with the End in Mind’ is an essential step to reaching an objective.  There are multiple ways of defining this but here are two suggestions.

 1) Choose the desired end result.  Maybe identify a family that you admire and have that be the goal you’re striving to accomplish. Observe them and pinpoint what they have or do, that you want.  Do they have strong unified ties or are they distant and doing their own thing.  Do they have typical teenagers or mature young adults?  What is the family culture? What accomplishments have been made?  What traditions, lifestyle, interests, connections, etc… exist.  What legacy is being passed on to the next generation.  Clarify in as much detail as possible what you want your family to become. 

2) Pick a point of time in the future (5, 10, or 20 years from now) and visualize what your family looks like.   Spend some quality time FEELING your family vision.  Include sights, smells, touch, tastes, sounds, and most importantly feelings, emotions, tone, atmosphere, spirit of the home, etc.  Focus on what you want and spend time visualizing it in its completed state.

Ultimately, the desired end result is the celestial kingdom – which with its entrance requirements, defines quite a bit of the steps necessary.  Visualize living in heaven with your family.  Feel the harmony, peace, love, and gratitude for having accomplished and overcome the trials of earth life.  Begin with the End until the End is a new beginning. 

M.A.P.

Navigators use maps to see the details in how to accomplish the objective.  What rough terrain or

high altitudes may need to be traversed in the hopeful journey.    In our families, the map is the Master Actualization Plan.  This is a collection of the goals, plans, and systems in order to obtain the objective.  My M.A.P. begins with our Family Constitution. This includes our family mission statement, the governing bodies along with their roles and responsibilities, our family standards, discipline, training, traditions, and goals.   

I like the three areas of the TJEd Continuum as defined by Diann Jeppsen.  The ‘Relationship’ is the all-encompassing circle which binds the ‘Inspiring Environment’ and the ‘The Art of Responding’. I use this continuum to categorize our M.A.P. 

Relationships:

In this section - relationships with God, Spouse, children, siblings, and extended family are defined and how we strengthen them.  This includes our daily devotional plans, our weekly FHE (family home evening), FEC (Family Executive Council), SPICEE (planning interviews), Sabbath (church attendance), and ‘Circle the Wagons’ (family Council) meetings.  It includes schedules for teaching the gospel, ideas for Service projects, ideas for parent/child dates, ideas for places to go and family activities. It includes extended family birthdays and contact information+. 

Inspiring Environment:

In this section – inspiration and order go hand in hand.  The family library lists and encourages mastery of our favorite ‘best books’, our collection of art, movies and music, our journals, family history, and knowledge notebooks.  It includes a copy of each child’s big list of what they want to learn and do, the family timeline, and the annual, weekly, and daily orders (plans), along with chore rotation system.  It includes our family apprenticeship which is a program of learning adult skills. 

The Art of Responding:

In this section – responding to the needs of the children at the stages they are in.  It includes fun activities to connect with small children, fun academic ideas for those who are beginning that journey.  It outlines my favorite academic programs, games, and curriculum; the organizational programs (and accomplishments) I want my children to participate in; and the adult skills and experiences I want mastery in before leaving the home.  It defines our family culture and the cultural depth and breadth I want to cover in their learning.  It includes our preparedness plans: home production and storage, financial management, health, social, emotional and spiritual preparations. 

Compass

The compass is an instrument used to monitor whether our journey is in alignment with the flight plan.  It indicates when course corrections are needed and i+s the tool used to close the gap between the plan and reality.  The children’s individual compass is developed through a SPICEE mtg. and revised two to three times a year.  A SPICEE mtg. is an interview with the children to discuss their Spiritual, Prosperity, Inspiration, Culture, Energy, and Entertainment progress.  We identify their strengths, areas that need to be strengthened, and their current objectives for the next 4 - 6 months, as well as their modified personal mission statement.   It takes the long range goal of family vision and M.A.P. into smaller bite sized short range goals – bridging the gap between the plan and application. 

Skills and Training

If an officer were to embark on their mission without adequate training or lacking in skills, it would be a wasted journey and highly ineffective.  Our Family Apprenticeship is the guidelines we use to make sure our children are prepared for adult life.  It covers all areas of life.  Spiritual skills might include effective prayer, searching the scriptures, service, obedience, sacrifice, seeking family history, testifying, pondering, and yielding to the spirit.  Temporal skills might be time and money management, entrepreneurial, organizational, citizenship, child care, cooking, cleaning, repairing, shopping, & transportation skills.  Physical skills might be medical, athletic, outdoor, hygiene, nutrition, & emergency preparedness.  Social skills might include etiquette, communication, +entertainment, relationship building (friend, dating, spouse, parent, family member), and character building skills.   Cultural skills might be musical, artistic, acting, dancing, constructing, and practical arts such as printing, mechanics, carpentry, plumbing, electrical, craftsmanship, or interior decorating.  Educational Skills might include Mathematical principles and theories, literary applications, journalistic, written mechanics, speech, geographical, and cultural literacy. 

Equipment

The car was our equipment for the goal of going camping, just as the aircraft was the equipment used for dropping bombs.  In the family, the obvious physical equipment would be a home.  Not

just a house.  The home is the haven from the rest of the world, where peace and acceptance and love can always be felt.   Where the soul can refuel and recharge.  Having that haven, a safe place, while navigating the growing up years, is essential for the stability and safety of the journey.  The home has a spirit, or feeling, about it.  It can have a good spirit even in chaotic conditions or circumstances.  The equipment of a home is not the same equipment of a school building, a job, or societal pressures and norms.  The home, if used to strengthen and transport the family, creates very different results than the other types of equipment – just as an automobile is much more effective transportation for a camping trip than an airplane or a train. 

Other essential tools for navigating the family is the guidance of our Heavenly Father.  Through the scriptures, the living prophets, and impressions through the Holy Ghost, we can navigate through the distractions and obstacles that lie in our path.  -