Faith in Fear

My children had been wanting to watch ‘The Rise of the Guardians’ for a long time, and so when we finally got a hold of it, I was pleasantly surprised to find that not only was it an enjoyable storyline, but it seemed to be dripping with profound insights and tidbits of truth.  It’s depiction on the effect of one’s belief was especially powerful to me.  In brief - Jack Frost, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, the sand man, and the boogie man were personified symbols of a child’s belief in an abstract concept – fun, wonder, hope, light, dreams, and fear.  What a child believed in is what became real to him. 

When belief was strong, it strengthened or increased the size and abilities of the characters.  Also, some objects of belief affected the strength and abilities of the others.  For instance, believing in the boogie man, weakened the positive effects of hope, joy, etc. of the other characters - sometimes to extinction.  I thought the movie makers did an excellent job at portraying the power of belief. 

I’ve heard it said that Faith is the opposite of Fear.  But now I’m considering that fear may be the object of our faith, our belief.  Just as believing in the boogie man (fear) can diminish or destroy believing in hope, or light, or dreams.  And we can choose to have faith in fear - which debilitates our growth, or faith in something more empowering. 

A friend of mine pointed out the definition of fear she had discovered while browsing through the bible dictionary.

                Fear… something unworthy of a child of God, something that “perfect love casteth out”.  The first effect of Adam’s sin was that he was afraid.  Sin destroys the feeling of confidence God’s child should feel in a loving Father and produces instead a feeling of shame and guilt. 

–Bible Dictionary

That discovery was a powerful insight to me.   ‘Unworthy of a child of God’?  It is below a disciple of Christ to operate in fear?  I guess it makes sense when you think about, but evidently I had never really thought about it before.  

Weren’t we taught that fear is one of the innate emotions that one experiences, the same as feeling happy or sad. Doesn’t the dictionary define fear as a survival mechanism occurring in response to a perceived threat, pain, or evil –you know, the fight of flight response.   I’d never considered it as a choice before.  That makes me think of the preview for the movie ‘Afterearth’. 

In 2 Timothy 1:7 it says, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”.  Fear is disempowering; fear is hateful; fear is illogical.  So obviously, fear is not of God.  And what brings about this lack of confidence in God – Sin.  Fear is the byproduct of sin.    

For the past umpteen number of years, I’ve struggled with insecurity.  My comfort zone was in being invisible.  I didn’t feel I had anything of value to offer to anyone outside of my husband and children, so I was stuck in wallpaper status.   I’d been operating in fear.  I don’t consider myself a great sinner but obviously I had put my faith in fear rather than in my Savior – which would have produced the confidence I lacked.   I love thinking about the following quote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.  

 – Marianne Williamson

That is a beautiful and powerful paragraph.  But still the focus is on the fear of the perceived results, rather than the confidence of desired results.

                                         Where Focus Goes, Energy Flows and That Thing Grows

As I put my energy in hiding myself, protecting myself, or even in allowing others to shine by my playing small, I don’t have the energy to produce the results I really want.  Faith in Fear is self-sabotaging. 

Discussing this concept with my daughter, she pointed out that fear is only concerned with the future tense.  We can only fear things that are a perceived or anticipated result.  If one is truly 100% present, there is no fear. 

So, in my discovery of truth concerning fear, I agree with the makers of 'The Rise of the Guardians'.  What I believe in, becomes real to me - expect it, anticipate it, live it.  And eliminate the fear by not heeding it. 

What's The Difference?

During our math class, we learned the following principle:

          “A number called a Subtrahend can be taken away from another number called a Minuend, and the answer is called the Difference.”

 

Your typical subtraction problem, right.

Well, during a recent conversation, I began to notice a “difference” between my feelings for one relationship and my feelings for another relationship.  Let me try to explain.  I have what some may consider to be pretty high standards.  Evidently there are a lot of people out there who do not share or have as high of standards as I do.  And that’s fine.  To each his own, right.  For the most part, my attitude toward others is indifferent and may come across as self-righteous (I hope not, but I am aware that there is that possibility).  Basically for those who share my standards, I connect with easily, and those who do not, I really don’t interact with or even care to. 

So here I am visiting with this friend that I haven’t talked with in over 20 years (and I probably never would have come in contact again if it hadn’t been for facebook).  And I’m realizing that their life choices, well, really hasn’t changed that much since high school.  Drinking, smoking, swearing, rock music, video games, not really caring about education, jobs, or even national affairs, not really religious in nature, and not necessarily principled driven.  We are probably what you’d consider complete opposites.   And as the conversation continued, I could feel myself repulse with each disclosure that was contrary to comfort zone. 

…But only for a brief moment.  I could sense my discomfort, but then it immediately dissolved into acceptance, generosity, and even great admiration for this individual.  I still really liked this friend and so it didn’t matter at all that their standards and life choices were opposite to my own.  Granted, I really do believe that higher standards, nobler ambitions, and a purpose driven life is the only way to obtain true happiness – and I invite them to consider the benefits of… well…. making life more challenging (now isn’t that inviting).  But my friendship is still secure even if they don’t. 

So as I’m pondering why I felt this way in regard to this friend, and normally feel indifferent toward other individuals of the same caliber, I was curious ‘What is the difference’?  What is the Subtrahend that is deducted from normal associates that isn’t deducted from my friends?

I guess it doesn’t take a genius to discover that ‘love’ is the missing ingredient or the subtrahend.  When ‘love’ is taken out of the equation, there is a difference – indifference, or sometimes even judgment.  It’s made me consider that maybe I’m filled with way more judgment than I thought and much less charity than I had hoped.  

                                  ‘Relationship’ take away ‘love’ equals ‘judgment’. 

Which brought me to the next thought.  Since Heavenly Father is filled with charity, maybe this is how He feels toward all his children.  He is incapable of not loving us, He's our spiritual daddy.  In fact his love is so great that he has dedicated his entire work to helping us be successful and happy.  But when he sees us make wrong choices, or pretend he doesn’t exist, or live way below our potential and privilege – all his disappointment, hurt, and discomfort vanish away because ‘love’ is still part of His equation.  He loves us completely.  He loves us regardless.  He loves us unconditionally.  And yes, He too is hoping that we will choose the more challenging life by keeping his commandments – but only because he knows that will bring us happiness, eternal happiness. He knows we'll be dead a lot longer than we are alive.  He loves us enough to want us to be happy. 

So now I want to change all my subtraction problems (all those strange people I look at in question at Walmart, all those morons who call in on talk radio, all those co-workers who live only for the weekend) to addition problems that includes genuine brotherly ‘love’ in the equation.

 

FEELING LOOPY

I’ve always associated circles and cycles as a positive, unifying, and progressive thing.

*The circulation system pumps life-preserving blood throughout the body and back to the heart to repeat all over again.

*A seed grows into a plant, creating new seeds which perpetuate the cycle. 

*The wheels on the bus (ha ha) go round and round to reach a new destination.

*The earth revolves around the life-sustaining sun, as well as rotates on its axis to create life-protecting gravity.  

*Even the Heavens have no beginning and no end – One eternal round.

And so the completing and repeating process of circles gives a sense of rebirth, continuation, and preservation. (Oh my, that sounds almost poetic)

 

However, lately, I’ve been noticing the negative aspects of being circular.  Spinning our wheels makes very little progress.

Waiting in a holding pattern (circling above the airport before permission is granted to land) keeps us from reaching the destination that is so close. 

Historical cycles can be very discouraging as we enter the downward curve rather than the upward recovery.  And the pride cycle, seen both as a nation as well as individually, is definitely a negative loop.   

I found it interesting the experiment a scientist did to prove the theory of our circular tendencies.  He took several groups of people, tagged them with a GPS, and then placed them in different surroundings (desert, forest, etc.) to see how they fare at reaching their desired destination.  He discovered that those who had a clear landmark or sunny days, walked in a straight line to their objective.  However, when the sky was cloudy and there were no visible landmarks, they inevitable walked in circles, sometimes walking on the very same path they had trod before without even realizing it. 

I don’t know if it has something to do with the circadian rhythm of the earth or if there is another natural law that causes this circular motion, but it becomes obvious that without direction or purpose, progress is impossible.

I’ve heard it said that a fool can be described as one who does the same thing but expects a different result. 

Meaningless repetitions.  Pointless habits.  Going around the issue rather than addressing it head on.  And I have had my share of ineffective and varied circles throughout my life. 

I’ve taken tangents away from my goal and end up doing a loop-de-loop, curlicues, coils, or slinky spirals.  Hopefully, eventually I find my way back to the original course. 

Sometimes I’ve pursued a goal – such as wealth, fun, popularity, even opportunity – and found I was twirling in the wind like a pinwheel (all for show - giving up what I want most, for what I want at the moment), rather than making true personal progress. 

Sometimes I am indecisive and am stuck in a roundabout – unsure which road to take to reach my goals. 

Sometimes I just don’t pay attention to the landmarks or the orientation of the light in my life and walk in circles – aimlessly wandering until I wake up enough to recognize my whereabouts. 

Sometimes I sabotage my own success through my own limiting beliefs, fear, doubt, etc. – repeating patterns of preventing circles (spinning wheel) rather than a progressing circle (spinning wheel with traction). 

All these radial events indicate that we’re loopy one way or another.  Either progressing, growing, and continuing - or waiting, preventing, and losing ground. 

Which circle are you in today?

A Different type of Basic Training

Reveille (music):  It's Time to Get Up, It's Time to Get Up, It's Time to Get Up in the Morning. 

"Get your laziness out of bed right now, I want to see you upstairs in formation, standing at attention in two seconds.  Move it, move it, move it, move it."

That's the way I got my kids out of bed.  We had decided that our first item of business for our summer school would be to refocus and master the basics in our home stewardships before we could move forward with disciplining our minds on academics.  I'd just spent a month dejunking, and almost filled a room with all the shtuff I was getting rid of, but the house was still in a constant chaotic state.  We needed retraining and changed habits. 

So Aristotle and I discussed how to try and make it a fun and effective training.  We decided on both a boot camp style theme along with payment for their successes.   I gave each child a camo t-shirt and proceeded to get into character of drill sergeant.   If there was any back talk, negligence, or disrespect, the entire patrol would have to do KK's (what we affectionately call kiester kickers).  I also gave them each $15.00 - in dimes - to be received at the end of the month.  Each time they failed to fulfill their assigned stewardship, they would lose a dime and if someone had to do someone else's unfinished chore, they would earn their dime. 

I moved forward with this plan - hoping it would be the inspiration my children needed to take charge of their life. And we adjusted to this new routine fairly quickly.  At least I thought. 

Pretty soon I was hearing comments about how my kids didn't like me yelling at them.  It just didn't seem like me.  (Not that I'm successful at not yelling at my kids, but there is usually something upsetting me when I yell).  One morning, I wasn't able to wake them with reveille and yelling, and I got so many comments of how much they liked this better.  At first I just shrugged it off as humorous aspects of the training.  But as I thought about it, it began to weigh heavy on my mind. 

What was it about this approach that was so unsettling to my children?  Isn't that what drill sergeants and even athletic coaches require of their trainees to discipline them for the task at hand?  Is this a bad way?  Is there a better way? 

I was considering these questions as I went to the temple.  While there, I was considering how the Lord would want me to train my children, and how he trains his children.  Can you image our loving and eternally wise Heavenly Father screaming at his children to conform to his requirements in drill sergeant style.  The idea was absurd.  Heavenly Father simply lays out what is required (in a calm and assuring voice), and then enforces the consequences for whichever choice we make (in a loving but firm manner).  It's made me rethink all the military training, sport coaches, etc. may be more after the style of Lucifer's approach - make them do what I want them do through force, through intimidation, through breaking their spirits, etc. 

So surely there is a proper way of helping a child go beyond their ZPD (zone of proximal development - the area of what one can't do by themselves but can do with help).  Obviously there are some growth experiences that require an outside push because we wouldn't go there if left to our own devices.  Even Heavenly Father allows trials to teach us things that we wouldn't have learned in any other way. 

I've concluded that this may be more of a training of me, more than a training of my children.  Training me to be patient while they may or may not choose to do what is required.  Training me to be more firm and consistent in applying consequences (lost money, lost opportunities, lost peace, etc.) in a loving and, again, patient manner.  Training me to trust the changing of a person's heart and habits to the one who actually has power to change them.  That's not within my power (my only power is choice). 

It would be easier to scream and force others to do my will, and sometimes it would be nice to have someone do that to me so I'm not so accountable, but that's not the plan I signed up for.  So I submit to a different type of basic training. 

Courage Beyond My Own

Friends have always been pretty important to me and they came into my life pretty easily. So as I look at my children's friends status, I struggle to relate how they can perservere without friends.   

I remember Wilberforce, while growing up, thought she had a pretty good friend, only to find out her 'friend' was only a fair-weathered-friend and wouldn't associate with her in the company of certain other people.  I could see the pain as the realization of the betrayal hit home. 

I remember Shakespeare had a natural affinity toward friends outside the family and longed to be loved and cherished by others.  But one relationship after another ended only in tolerance - no connection, no bosum friend, sometimes even no civility.  I've watched her over the years sink further and further into her shell to protect her from the hurt she was experiencing. 

And then the other night Austen came home from Young Women's feeling for the first time in the last 5 years that she might be connecting a little with the Hamer girls.  She was happy, bubbly, and felt victorious.  Then the next day, as she was supposed to be picked up by these 'finally' friends - she watched them drive by our house to pick up another girl, then drive by again, but they never stopped.  They had forgotten about her.......again.  I could see the hope and happiness fade away as she realized her previous thoughts were misguided.  When she came and asked me to drive her to the activity that they were supposed to have picked her up for, I was taken a little aback by her courage.  She promised she would be at this activity, and so she was going to keep her word, even if her heart was breaking. 

Another disadvantage my children experience in the social world, is our location and life choices.  We've chosen to homeschool - so they don't get to see "friends" everyday at school.  We've chosen to live way out in the country - so they don't have neighbor friends either.  And we are limited as to how many times we can make trips into town - so once a week is all they get and it's a very busy day.  Yes, there are some serious social drawbacks to the life we've chosen. 

However, Wilberforce has become an eternal optimist.  She can always see the silver lining in every storm cloud.  She never joined the cliques and is equally friendly with the popular kids as well as the invisible people she encounters.  Shakespeare is everyday healing, pulling strength from way down deep to face her pain and overcome the obstacles that life has presented to her.  She is patiently waiting for the day and exercising faith that she will someday meet and enjoy a bosum friend.  Austen continually faces disappointment with courage and facing the heartbreak with hope and determination.  She believes everyone wants to be friends with her and moves forward with that belief. 

I'm sure when I experienced heartache growing up, that I eventually rolled up my sleeves and moved on with my life, but I can't help but feel that these amazing children with advanced trials and obvious strengths possess courage beyond my own.