Pain
Emotional Pain
We all experience it at some point in our lives.
*A desired relationship never comes to pass
*Or a relationship we thought was forever has turned cold
*Questions that we can’t answer . . . no matter how hard we
search
*Our foundation is shaken and we don’t know what to stand on
*A loved one uses their agency in a manner you know will hurt
them
*The current trial seems unbearable and unfair
*Depression that blocks any hope -trapped by rage, fear, or
helplessness
*Realizing “I’m not enough”
*Trying to overcome addiction but instead experience only
bondage and powerlessness
*Feeling Stuck – unable to create the change in your
circumstances
*Confusion – so many choices, which one is right
*An injury or disease that won’t heal in spite of your best
efforts – this is compounded pain because it is both physical and emotional
And it doesn’t seem to help knowing that everyone
experiences pain too. My pain is
personal. My pain is all consuming. My pain is preventing me from living life on
my terms.
As I consider my own pain and witness friends and family
dealing with their pain - I’ve noticed a kind of grouping as to how people
generally respond.
The Quitter
General Jar-Jar at the first sign of trouble says “me give
up, me give up”. This fatalistic
approach doesn’t even put up a good fight or preserve self through flight, but
goes directly to surrender. It reminds
me of the juvenile response when others don’t play the way they want them to,
so they threaten “I won’t be your friend anymore!”
Those wounded in a relationship decide to never get involved emotionally again. Those searching for proof but cannot find it quit caring completely. (This seems to be the response of the so-called atheists/agnostics/deists/etc. because they cannot find what they perceive as a satisfactory solution from deity.) Those who are weak and worn simply give in to addiction/inclination/temptations. Those who are stuck continue the same course assuming that’s as good as it gets. Those suffering from chronic illness or injury are resigned to a life of dis-ease and give up on the search for healing. And ultimately, those who are discouraged to the point of quitting take their life (based on the false assumption that it will stop the pain)
The Dishonest
This is the band-aid approach to pain. The zit cover-up so
that our blemishes have a false front. Not really finding any healing or resolution
but a coping response that frequently makes the pain worse after the cover-up
wears off or adds up. We hide in hopes
that no one will seek to actually see that we are vulnerable. This is commonly
seen as denial, isolation, drinking, over-eating, putting on an act that
everything is amazing.
There are all kinds of love songs that portray the ‘It’s all good’ front but secretly still holding on to the pain of being alone. The physically injured/ill adopt a lifestyle of popping pain pills. The confused put on a mask and pick their favorite cover-up weapon. The addict lives in denial that anything is wrong or that they can stop any time they want to. The limiting belief of ‘not being enough’ is over compensated with cockiness or maybe humor. The depressed hide under their facade until such time that they cannot conceal it anymore. The seeker simply goes through the motions, hoping that something will make sense at some point. And life’s trials become the trigger for the unhealthy response of drinking (and for those who don’t drink – use other numbing effects such as over-eating, work, watching mindless television, etc.)
The Fighter
Ready to engage, to fight back, to create change. Sometimes bitter or motivated by resistance
or revenge. These are the movers and
shakers, the pro-active creators. Training
and fighting like Rocky Balboa or changing their stars like Sir Ulrich von
Lichtenstein or Gandhi. The fighter becomes their own Savior and rely
on their own strength for deliverance. Their
heart is at war - taking matters into their own hands.
The soured relationship turns into looking for something different at best or seeking revenge at worst. The unresolved heart sets out on a quest in search of the truth – investigating, questioning, weighing. The concerned friend/parent sets about creating change to reach the heart of their loved one. The overburdened puts together a plan to simplify or alter the conditions which they are experiencing. The depressed take measures to cope with their condition in a healthy manner. The discouraged change their focus to what they can do and choose to be content with things as they are. The addict seeks help from qualified and supportive sources. The trapped continue to resist the victim mode by seeking escape or salvation. The physically hurt continues to search and apply efforts to heal and overcome.
The Faithful
Trusting, hopeful, full of faith and vision, believing there
is purpose in pain, and power in submission.
The faithful put their professed belief in God into actively exercising
their faith in him. Corrie ten Boom in
the concentration camps is preserved by trusting and hoping despite her
powerless circumstances. George
Washington endured the unbearable conditions of Valley Forge, believing that
not only his cause was just but it was God’s will and providence that they
would somehow win. Their heart is at
peace – no matter the circumstances.
The one who is hurting in relationships turns to God for comfort, trusting that there is a valuable lesson to be learned or purpose in the transpired events – and trusting that somewhere, somehow the future will provide the companionship that their heart desires.
Those seeking for understanding continue to search but with a submissive heart - understanding that our purpose is to walk by faith and so we won’t be able to understand all things in this life but at some point in the future, all things will be made manifest, God’s mysteries will all be revealed, and we will understand completely and confess that God’s ways are just.
Those who stand on shaky ground or have been introduced to doubt, instead saturate themselves in what they know is true, doubt their doubts instead of doubting their faith, seek for Heavenly strength and fortify their foundation.
Those burdened with concern for others poor choices, put their efforts into the only source of hope and ultimate power they know – they pray God to soften their heart or bless them with a wake-up call before it’s too late.
Those overwhelmed by their trial pray earnestly for deliverance and seek to learn whatever lesson they are to learn with this situation so that they can move forward.
Those who struggle with depression understand that their perspective is currently tainted and hope for the good moments to break through the darkness to provide some type of relief. They also understand that this trial is a temporary burden, only during this life, and that they will be free of its grasp for the eternities, if they endure it well.
Those discouraged by their inadequacies, recognize that they are given weaknesses in the flesh for a noble purpose, and God has promised an inheritance to all who magnify their abilities (talents). And so they put their focus into what they can do, rather than what they are incapable of doing.
The addict humbly realizes that they have used their agency poorly to the point of complete bondage and are incapable of delivering themselves by their own power or even by the support of counselors or well -meaning friends. Instead, they look to the Savior, accessing the power of the atonement to restore what was deceptively taken from them.
The stuck put their trust in the Lord’s desire for our welfare, knowing that a way is provided, but it is not for us to dictate whether that deliverance occurs in this life or the next. Always praying and petitioning but still submitting to His will.
The confused eventually trust that the Holy Ghost is the only true source to heed and allow all the other voices, temptations, and options melt into the background. Again not necessarily understanding completely the error of some options but trusting that the truth will be made clear at some point in the future.
The physically marred can only persevere by their trust that there is purpose in their pain, even if it is only to be an example of how to endure it well. They understand (in their good moments) that this experience is but a small moment in time and they have the eternities to be immortal and perfected.
The good news is if one identifies themselves in one group
but desires to respond to their pain in another – it is a choice. Oh the power of choice.
