Simply Complex

As I’m sitting here contemplating which of my insights I want to write a power paper on this time, my children are in the other room fighting with each other.  Amidst all the screaming, hitting, boobing, and irrational behavior – I am experiencing pain.  I’m pretty sure they are also. 

This makes me think about a discussion a friend and I had about a phrase she ran across a number of years ago.  She didn’t understand what it meant but had kept it in the back of her mind and occasionally thought about it.  Here it is:

“I don’t give a hoot about the simplicity on this side of complexity

But I’d give my right arm for the simplicity on the other side of complexity.”

As she tried to wrap her mind around some possible meanings, she came to the conclusion that complexity can be a synonym for trials, adversity, challenges, pain, pressures, stresses, etc.  And knowing something prior to experiencing it, is not as valuable or as meaningful as knowing something after going through the process of obtaining that knowledge first-hand. 

 

The Refiner's Fire



Some parallels that I see through the physical world might be:

Simplicity                                           Complexity                                                    Simplicity

Metals                                                Refiner’s Fire                                                Purity, Strength

Batter                                                 baker’s furnace                                            Cake

Money Management                        Insufficient funds - desperation                  Money Stewardship

In relationships:

Simplicity                                            Complexity                                                  Simplicity

Sympathy                                            Experience                                                  Empathy

Professed faith                                   Challenge                                                    Obtained knowledge

Appearances of Peace – Façade        Change of Heart                                         Genuine Peace –Charity

And in the BIG PICTURE:

Simplicity                                             Complexity                                               Simplicity

Pre-existence                                       Earth life                                                  Judgement & Eternity

Even though the material or knowledge may be the same on both sides of Complexity - The Complexity changes the end product, removes impurities or puts it through the test. 

It’d be nice to think that avoiding the complexity could be a possibility – and in some cases, it is.  Such as, one can avoid the higher risk of lung cancer by choosing not to smoke.  But in most cases, avoiding the challenge not only forfeits growth, it also is a sure recipe for experiencing that trial again at a later time, probably in a different form, but the lesson that must be learned is the same.  It’s as if we have certain lessons that must be learned and some of them cannot be learned in any other method than hands on.  Life’s lessons don’t seem to be as simple as the pain of learning in a classroom.  They usually are character building, such as patience (my least favorite), trust, faith, wisdom, and humility. 

My natural instinct is to avoid pain – at all costs, but the very avoiding of pain causes prolonged pain.  As we resist the pain of the complexity, we may get a brief breather, but the process is bound to come again, more intense and more determined to make us learn and grow.  My children are the perfect example.  Some failed approaches to dealing with contention is to be stronger with authority (‘that’s enough, Knock that nonsense off’), punish those who are participants, even if one isn’t at fault (‘if you can’t find a way to share, then nobody gets to use it), or to referee for a little while until everyone is tired of the pointless pursuit and change directions.  Ah – Peace.  But it’s only the façade of peace, an imitation, no resolution actually took place, no change of heart, no maturity developed or love deepened.  And so when contention takes place again (which it must), the pain is increased.  The expression ‘Those who do not learn from the past, are destined to repeat it’, applies in our personal past as well as earth’s history.   

I recall a number of years ago, my brother and I were having a discussion about the lessons our bodies teach us about pressure.  It was an unusual topic but the examples that he gave were – should I say, quite memorable.  He mentioned that good usually follows the pains of the pressures.  When I asked for a for instance, he said - a bowel movement…, a woman pushing the baby’s head out…, or the tearing of the muscle tissue during weight training.  Once we work through the burn and discomfort of the pressure, we are better for it, the relief is earned and more rewarding than if we gave up and quit (which you might be able to do with weight training but it’s not really an option with a bowel movement or the birthing process).  And now that I think about it, my labors that were the easiest and most rewarding were the times that I totally relaxed and embraced the pain (the midwife could tell I was having a contraction because I went completely limp and relaxed).  As I visualized the good that was coming about because of this intense pressure, it gave the pain purpose and made it simpler.   And I’ve experienced similar results in other aspects of pain as well. 

So I understand that when I’m experiencing pain - I can become bitter or better.    I can choose to be the victim or the victor.   I can resist and repeat or embrace and be empowered, surrender and survive.  But what choice do I have that will bring the simplicity on the other side of complexity when involves other players, other’s choices, and other’s hardened hearts. 

I guess like so many of life’s lessons – I practice patience, I trust God is aware and will provide for my needs, I exercise faith that Christ can heal this pain, and I humbly seek the promptings to guide my actions. 

Still Small Voice

                                                                                                    by Jane Austen
       A couple of weeks ago I was sick with strep throat.  Swollen tonsils and adenoids not only made it hard to swallow but also made it hard to open my mouth therefore causing my speech to sound impaired and retarded.  My tonsils got so swollen that it became hard to breath and nearly impossible to say anything loudly or clearly.  This came hard to me cause....well, I like to talk (and I speak my mind).  I also love to be heard (mostly by singing lyrics to pop-songs).  Not only was it discouraging but embarrasing too...cause I had  to go to play practice sounding like a retard.
      Talking is something I enjoy doing and not being able to do what I enjoy is bothersome.  Being kept from talking is like keeping something in that needs to be set free.
      After general conference, me still very sick, I somehow asked my mommy to make me some ramen noodles (basically the one food I could still eat).  While she was waiting for it to boil, she went back to the project she was working on. My little brother was on a rampage because he didn't want to do his chores, and I in my sick little retarded voice asked him not to yell, he didn't hear me so I asked again a little louder,  he then yelled even louder only this time at me.  So I picked up a marker and wrote in a notebook

I wonder if this is how the holy ghost feels...

Saying something and then people

don't listen,

don't care

or don't understand

 

     I don't know how he feels but it would drive me crazy.  Talking quietly has always been hard for me, but not being able to talk at all is very humbling. I know the spirit will not speak in a loud booming voice, but silently and quietly whispers. Some people don't listen or don't understand and most of the time don't even hear because of the busy-ness of life

 

I am going to try to listen harder to the still small voice.

 

Touched By Love

I think most families have some type of tradition where the dad turns into a playful monster and the kids run around the house screaming in fear.  In our home, he's called the Bluh-bluh monster (something to do with the sound he makes when growling at them).  Over time this tradition has developed some guidelines that has allowed both Papa and the kids a chance to rest.  If a child would face their fear, run up and kiss him, he instantly falls down asleep for an unidentified amount of time.  As I watched this transpire the other night, I saw parallels with facing my own fears.     

I won't go into much details, but well over a year ago, maybe two, I had offended a friend.  As I realized my offense, I went and apologized, laying everything on the table so to speak, so that she knew exactly what was going on and we could clear the air.  Needless to say, this effort to make amends backfired horribly.  She became terribly embittered toward me and I could do nothing right.  Everytime I saw her, I received livid looks, icy stares, or could feel the venom somehow traveling through the air.  And so I would keep my distance, give her space, and wait patiently for time to do its magic.  But somehow, she didn't seem to be improving with time.  In fact, it seemed to be like an infection that was festering, making things worse and twisting the interpretation of events into something that was so not even true.   Not long after things transpired, I had come to terms with the situation and my heart had healed.  I detached with love - not holding any malice, fear, or resentment.  I had moved on with my life.  But for her sake, I kept my distance so as to not give her more fuel for the fire of hatred she was fanning. 

Then a few days ago, I caught a glimpse of how this bitterness was tearing her up inside.  She didn't want to feel the hurt and anger that was consuming the goodness in her.  It bothered me considerably.  My peace came about because I had given myself time and space - but that wasn't working for her and I didn't know how best to help her to heal.   I decided I needed to counsel with someone who might be able to give me some insight that I was obviously missing.  After sharing a few particulars, my 'counselor' suggested that maybe my detaching from her was what may have been disturbing her so much.  That had never even crossed my mind.  Time and space is what I needed to heal, but it was having the opposite effect on her.  This idea was very disturbing to me, to think that my efforts to be noble and love her inspite of her malice - wasn't communicating love at all, but some type of superiority, hatred, or not needing her.  All I had to do was face my fear of apologizing.... again, even if it backfired.... again, and show her that I loved her in her love language - not mine.  It may or may not keep the bluh-bluh monster down for good, but it is a nice reprieve. 

Another incident occured that had me in awe of the power of love.  My good husband was heavily concerned about the events that are taking place in the world today.  Government's constant meddling in powers that are not their own is taking its toll on those of us who are freedom lovers and honor our founding documents and correct principles.  I won't elaborate which meddling was on his mind, suffice it to say I thought his concern was self-preservation.  But that night as we said our couple prayer, he pleaded with the Lord to remember to have mercy and love for President Obama and the others who are infringing on God's laws.  And it wasn't the pleading that one hopes makes him look good, but a genuine love and concern for these brothers who are lost.  It made me feel honored to be married to such a noble man and a little guilty that I felt only concern for those people who are being duped by them - not the leaders/influencers themselves. 

I know love for them will not equate to the government bluh-bluh monster giving us a rest, but it is certainly a better way of facing our fears.  The Lord counsels:

 'Love your enemies,

bless them that curse you,

do good to them that hate you,

and pray for them which despitefully use you,

and persecute you.' 

What a powerful response when bad things happen.  What a wonderful gift to be able to be touched by love.





A Mother's Retreat - Refreshment for the Soul

Last night, I escaped reality for an night of edification, silliness, and comradery.  I'm so grateful I took advantage of the  opportunity to attend the Mother's Retreat.  Some of the things I learned might include:

1) It's good for the family to be free of mom for a night.  It helps them appreciate my contribution, feel the emptiness when I'm gone, and experience their father's expectations rather than my tempered ones.

2) I have a lot of masculine energy, some very influential feminine energy, and I'm pretty good at making sure I nurture my daily needs (although the retreat was most refreshing)

3) I cannot build and tear down at the same time.  Others or myself.  When I set goals and minutes later say something derogatory about myself - it is like a child  who builds a tower and then throws a missile at the base - there is no permanence of growth or stabilizing the foundation. 

4) Every Master started as a Disaster.  There is hope - Once I get my 10,000 hours in I should have it made.

5) I need to develop two new beliefs, and regularly dig up the evidence - 1) That I don't have to be in audience mode or presentation mode in bigger group settings 2)God has given me the answers that I am seeking.

6) Maybe I shouldn't participate in sleepovers at my age.  My late hour of retiring, snoring, and unplanned alarms going off with other's inability to stay asleep is not a good combination. 

7) I have got such an amazing group of friends and associates that share in or inspire me in weirdness.
 
8) The simplicity on this side of complexity is a facade, and only through embracing, surrendering, and learning from the complexity (working through the burn), can the simplicity on the other side of complexity ever exhibit the genuine real deal.

9) My vision and my mission can change with my current heart's desire - I am called to the work of my choosing. 

10) I am so blessed to be a laid back person - because so many of life's little trials escape my notice, or are so insignificant with the big picture of eternity, that I am not bogged down by them.  So Grateful. 

FACT - without eloquence

This last Christmas, we were given a collection of video clips from church history. As we were watching it, one titled “A Man without Eloquence” came on and we realized it had special significance, because it was about my ancestor, Eleazar Miller. He was depicted as a simple, non-talented man, not having any training in eloquence or public speaking. And yet he stood and bore solemn witness that he KNEW the restored gospel was true, through the power of the Holy Spirit. And it was through his simple declaration and testimony that Brigham Young was converted to the gospel. I’ve known all my life that Brigham Young (the 2^nd prophet in the restored gospel) was baptized by my ancestor so it was a neat discovery that there was actually a video clip made about it.

Up to now, I’ve never felt the inclination to shout upon the rooftops that I know the gospel is true.  It’s not really in my character. And I've never really felt the need to preach my religion to others.  I’m more of a share it through my example, kind of person, and if anybody wants to know more, they can ask me about it. I know it…, so I live it (at least to the best of my ability).  I so want to live the consecrated life, talk the talk and walk the walk, or BE the change I want to see in the world.

I’m not claiming to have any type of mastery here – I’m just stating my preference in how to share the great plan of happiness. But recently, my ‘walking the walk’ was referred to as my feelings and my opinion. It made me consider that maybe I need to be a little more forthcoming and testify that this opinion in their eyes is actually a fact in mine.

In school, we learned the difference between fact and opinion.

                * A fact is something that is true about a subject that can be tested or proven.

                * An opinion is something that one thinks about a subject.

 But we were never taught the standard of the sources or the validity of what can be tested or proven. I've since learned about epistlemologies - the study of defining what is true knowledge. In other words, HOW one defines a fact .  It's where our opinions/beliefs intersect with absolute truth.  And it has not only opened my eyes to my own epistlemologies - it has also made me aware of other professed facts that may or may not be consistent with my epistlemology.  

 Here's the list of common epistlemologies:         
  *Revelation (knowledge revealed directly from God)        
  *Credentialism (Revelation from an expert - someone with credentials, rather than from God)
  *Mandarinism (An official or supposed authority declares facts)          
  *Imperisism (the scientific method proves knowledge)          
  *Pragmatism (the knowledge has stood the test of time and it works)          
  *Aesthetisism (the fact is too ordered and symmetrical to be anything but true)           
  *Reason (the use of one's own logic to prove something)          
  *Historicism (lessons from history and cycles prove the knowledge as true) 

As I considered each of these sources, it brought several questions to mind.  All of them could be  both a good standard or have some serious folly to the standard - with the exception of Revelation.  For instance, if a person is the source (credentialism, mandarinism, reason), there is always the chance of a corrupt application.  Consider Obama as an authority figure who speaks facts -lol.  Or a professor - or the media - who teaches truth (isn't that an oxymoron).  If interpretation is the source (imperisism, pragmatism, aesthetisism, historicism), there is always a chance of error.  If God is the source (revelation), the only error is man's interpretation of the revelation - not the revelation itself.   


Another concern was the idea that with all these sources, and their potential to error - all (except revelation again) could be considered opinion.  So what exactly is the difference between fact and opinion?  One man's fact could be considered another's opinion. 

 I noticed that at times, we use a variety - jumping from historicism to credentialism, or from revelation to imperisism.  Basically, we are wishy-washy as to what our standard is or we feel different facts seem to work best with different standards. 

I began to notice - first in others and then in myself - that one epistlemology is claimed, but then give heed to one of the others, even when in conflict with it.  For instance, a member of my church claims revelation as their standard of truth, but then when a news report, or current statistics indicate something contrary to that revelation, their actions respond in fear and doubt of the revelation.  And vice-versa.  We've all heard the expression - 'There's no such thing as an athiest in foxholes'.  As I considered my own claimed epistlemology - Revelation, and whether I applied that standard of truth in my every day life.  It was an eye-opening experience.              


 Now that I've philosophized the point to death, and come to the conclusion that Revelation trumps all other epistlemologies, I reflect on what 'facts' I have received from Revelation. 

I know what I know because God, himself, has witnessed to me that it is true, the same way it was revealed to my ancestor.  What greater authority can I have than from God?  What other method can be used to prove this is a fact – not an opinion, a feeling, or a belief.   I know that Jesus Christ is the son of God, that he atoned for my and all of mankind’s sins so that we can return back to live with Heavenly Father – and that he did it because he loves us, he loves me personally.  I Know that Jesus lives today and governs the affairs of his kingdom. I Know that it’s never too late, never too bad, never too far gone to turn to him and repent. I Know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and he restored the Church of Christ in these last days.  I Know the Book of Mormon is the word of God, as well as the Bible.  I Know that the power of God (the priesthood) was restored as well, and that a living prophet leads the church today.  I know that this is God’s true church and that his Kingdom will continue to grow until Jesus himself comes to reign over all the earth. 

Now, I have no desire to tell others what to think, but I am professing what I Know is a fact - and without eloquence.

I'm Addicted...........................................To Sin

Who’d have thought.

My good friend recommended a book that is used in the 12 steps of recovery for Alcoholics Anonymous called “He Did Deliver Me from Bondage”.   She praised it so highly, even buying a copy for me and later teaching a class on it for me, that I was desirous to get the most out of it that I could.  I was determined to identify an addiction that I was in denial about and begin the healing process.  As I began reading the book, I was searching for where my weakness lied.  Obviously, I’m not addicted to alcohol, drugs, pornography, sex, or anything of that nature, so I looked deeper.  Maybe overeating, sugar, perfectionism, or work.  But I’m not sure I’ve got an unhealthy issue there either.  So it was assumed that maybe I hadn’t gotten to the point of addiction yet, simply character weaknesses, the step shy of addiction.  (Mistake, repeated mistake, habit, character weakness, addiction) I was content with this conclusion as I continued to study the book – thinking it didn’t really apply to me yet, but still loving the power and insight that I was gaining from journaling, pondering, and study.         

Then about a month ago, I was in a discussion with my sister.  She mentioned a desire she had after reading the book “The Peacegiver” to go and TP the author’s house to make her feel better.  I was amused by the comment but couldn’t recall what about the book would trigger such a response.  So I picked it up and began rereading.  Then I got to the chapter explaining the nature of Sin.  Whooooaaa.  I don’t believe it was what affected my sister, but with my previous search for my own addiction, it was fascinating to have a clearer understanding how the fall of Adam was connected to addictions.  And how through that, I too am addicted.

 Just as the chemicals in a drug changes us physically so that we uncontrollably must have that substance, something about sin changes our character - our perspective, desire, and appetite.  We view the world differently, our concerns change to self rather than others, and justification for our indiscretions is fortified.   We basically become blind to the way things truly are and instead adopt a warped view, an inaccurate perception.   We lose our desire to do what we should and have an appetite for that which was formerly reprehensible.   Not only that, but we also lose our sense of responsibility regarding the action, which prevents any attempt at correcting it.  Just as a lullaby lulls a baby to sleep and a pacifier keeps it content – our changed character is lulled and pacified away from the responsibility to remedy the poor choice. 

And just as a physical addiction cannot be remedied by one’s own sheer determination and will power, the addiction to sin can only be overcome by allowing the atonement of Christ to work through us.  When we fail to follow the will of the Holy Spirit, we grant Satan power to captivate us through corruptible elements within our bodies. That’s it!  The “apple” corrupted our bodies so that Satan has quick access to overpower us.  He is the master identity thief – making us forget our own true eternal character. 

For some reason, I misread a line multiple times, even circling the misread word, but as I thought about it, I think I like the error better.  It says that ‘agency is the capacity we have to choose to follow the Lord or the devil’, and I read it ‘agency is the captivity we have to choose to follow the Lord or the Devil’.  We truly are captive one way or another. But we have a choice as to the type of captivity we wish to be subject to.   If we choose the Lord, we become his servants performing his good work, sacrificing our hearts, our wills, our everything in order to have ultimate freedom (eternal life) and perfect perspective.  If we choose the devil, we are captive to our fallen nature, seeing through a glass darkly, and ultimately are denied our very purpose for coming to this earth. 

Another powerful point was the idea that the earth is cursed for our sake.  Life is supposed to be hard so that in our warped view (because of the  change brought about by sin) we will FEEL the necessity to turn to Christ for deliverance.  So we, desiring to do wrong, absorbed with self, and seeing folly in others but not in ourselves, find it pretty challenging to want to choose to become subject to the Savior and his teachings.  And so God, in his mercy and for our sake, cursed the earth, gave us weakness, and allows bad things to happen, so that we will turn our hearts to Him and be saved from our bondage brought about by a single sin. It’s an interesting idea that I’m going to have to stew over some more until I change my perspective and see trials as an opportunity to live the gospel in action. 

I’ve always been intrigued by the stories where an outside source alters the main characters strength and purpose.  Frodo, with the intense burden of carrying the ring, sometimes lost his desire to fulfill his mission to destroy it.  Diggory entering the wood between the worlds, suddenly forgets all about time and his agenda and simply desires to sit around and enjoy the beauty.  Greek heroes, who when hearing the voices of the Sirens, blindly and willingly go to their own death.   Charles Wallace on the planet Camezotz is hypnotized by IT,who gets into his mind, alters his will, and keeps him captive through the pulsating rhythm.  Captain Picard finding himself in the Nexis, completely forgot his objective nor questioned the new and somehow fulfilled dreams that surrounded him.  Now I’m seeing a similar scenario happening to me, to all of us – and we’re not even aware of it.  Fortunately in the stories, they eventually come out the victor but it was a battle to gain control of themselves again. Likewise, I am engaged in this battle everyday, every minute, to not yield to the tempting voices and thoughts that are planted in my head.  And if I do, to immediately repent or turn away from them by asking God to help me. 

I used to look at people who were overweight and be critical of their continuing to stuff their face.  And I still have moments of disgust when my husband decides to quit drinking Dr. Pepper for the umpteenth time – knowing full well that it’s only a temporary conviction because it is missing the power to be permanent.  But as my sweet little brother rots in prison because of his bondage to alcohol, I see the actual horrible effects of addiction.  I recall, in a conversation with him, how he openly confessed and owned the fact that he’s an addict, so as to be constantly on guard and ever keep that weakness in the forefront of his awareness.   And now that I’ve identified my addiction, I am doing the same thing.  As I continue to study and ponder how “He Did Deliver Me from Bondage” helps me apply the reclaiming power of the atonement in my life, I too hope to come out the victor. 

Encrypted Communications

A friend from high school sent me a message through facebook.  After the usual small talk, a P.S. was added with a hinted message through a song.  After looking up the song on YouTube, I remembered it and it seemed to fit perfectly with what I felt was being said.  I’m not claiming to understand completely what was implied through that song dedication but it was fun to search it out and interpret as best I could. The novelty of the communication inspired me to want to respond in kind.  Needless to say, I’ve been searching through all kinds of music and have had a heightened awareness to the lyrics of songs.  But I haven’t had much success in finding one that fits.  First of all, I haven’t really been involved in the music scene for a long time.  For 20+ years now my music has been lullabies and nursery rhymes, church hymns or instrumental.  I have recently been exposed to my older teen’s music choice, but not a huge selection.   Next, most of the songs are all about romantic relationships – love songs.  And although I do love this friend dearly, that’s not exactly the message I’d like to communicate at this stage in my life.  So I thought I’d find a safe, plutonic friendship song –that hasn’t really worked out well either.  I’m considering not even playing the game, but it’s kind of frustrating to know that the perfect message is probably out there.   I just haven’t found it yet.   Maybe I could write my own song – bad idea.   Maybe music just isn’t my thing.   I could change the rules and send a secret message through a line from a movie, or maybe literature (although I might be losing common ground when approaching that subject).   The truth be known, what I am probably lacking is the creative streak to even have a message worth deciphering.  You know, wording it in such a way that it would be understood what to look for without spelling it out completely.  I remember asking a guy to a dance in college, by sending him on a scavenger hunt for the words and clues.  It was ALOT of work…, and he figured it out way too quickly.  I just may not be any good at subtle communications.

I got to thinking about the frequency and use of secret messages.  Spies send communication back to their headquarters so that it could not be understood by the untrained mind.   Military intelligence attempts to decode encrypted communications from the enemy – so as to interrupt their plans.  Artists, Authors, poets, playwrights, and musicians send their message through the medium that speaks to the heart, better than if told through verbal means.  Body Language and even verbal intonation have an air of mystery and decoding is necessary, however, probably not as much as the written word through texts, e-mail, and chats.  Even the early Christians used the symbol of drawing half a fish in the sand as a non-recognizable way of identifying if it was safe to discuss their beliefs in front of those around them.  Probably the most powerful use of this concept was the Savior himself, who taught in parables, symbolism, and multiple level interpretations, so that those who have eyes to see and ears to hear could understand the message He was communicating.  On a spiritual plane, the Holy Ghost rarely uses words but communicates instead through our feelings, ideas, dreams, visions, impressions, emotions, and sometimes a still small voice – almost indiscernible.  Conversely, the adversary communicates in much the same manner by planting foreign thoughts and untrue ideas into our minds, hoping that we will adopt them as our own and thus establish debilitating beliefs on which all other decisions will be made.  Yep, this world has a lot of secret communications.

There’s something exhilarating to finally catch on to the point of a hidden message.  I know when an idea all of a sudden comes clear in my mind, it seems so obvious, but for some reason, I just couldn’t see it before.  And then I see it everywhere, as if it had been there all along.  That’s what is so fascinating about mysteries – everything is usually right there in front of us, but the awareness is limited to what we want to see or are comfortable as being our reality.  That reminds me of the dwarves in ‘The Last Battle’ in the Narnia Chronicles.  Their eyes were incapable of seeing what was truly around them, because they believed one way and were unwilling to consider another.  Their perception of reality was such because they were unwilling to decode the encryption, to read between the lines.   I wonder how often I’m guilty of doing a similar thing. 

Since part of my life’s mission is about seeking truth – I love clarifying, decoding, and developing a deeper understanding of all that is around me.  But how do I work the opposite - communicate without communicating in full?  How does one even practice the art of ambiguity (if that is an art)?  If there’s an easy answer, I don’t have it. 

So what’s the point of all these thoughts about mysterious messages?  I really don’t have any idea.  But it’s going to be fun trying to figure it out.