How Did I Become a Bigamist?!?!

And guilty of treason! 

It shocked me really. 

When I was only eight years old, I entered into a baptismal covenant with my Father in Heaven, that I would take his name upon me.  I may have somewhat naively entered into that marriage agreement with the bride groom, that allegiance with His Kingdom, that legal adoption into the House of Israel.  But hey, I was only eight years old and dutifully following my parents counsel.  Note – I have NEVER regretted that decision and there have been countless times I’ve been immensely grateful that I had. 

My life is filled with purpose and vision.  My goals are lofty and yet attainable.  My legacy is one I can be proud of. I experience both temporary pleasure and eternal joy.  I have HOPE and a guided path.  

Now, mind you, I still have the web and flow of life.  Ups and downs, trials and blessings. But overall – I have inner peace and genuine happiness.  I like what I’ve become and the potential I’m reaching for.  And my affections for my Heavenly Father continues to increase and deepen over the years. 

In recent years, I've been learning about different worldviews.  It has been an eye-opening experience for my little sheltered life.  The rest of the world seems to offer a lot of different formulas for happiness and I've been able to compare those a little with the Great plan of Happiness.  So Far, I haven’t found much of a comparison.  I found that most of them are based on some truth.  Mind you, some of that truth is severely twisted but nevertheless, it originates on the same foundation.  Because of that, I expected to agree with certain aspects of these varying worldviews.  But what I didn’t expect was to find that I, unknowingly, had adopted some of these twisted perspectives myself. 

Elements of Naturalism, Ethical and Inner Relativism were part of my hard and fast beliefs.  Justifications of Micro-Evolution had seeped into my “possibilities”.  I was feeling empowered by thoughts of Self-Actualization and Positive Mental Attitude and although I didn’t care for ‘The Secret’, I had implemented many of its ideas into my personal philosophy.  Dialectical Materialism made sense even though it was being used for what I think is a perverse purpose.  And there have been many times I’ve felt the need to resort to Pavlovian Behaviorism when dealing with my children.  Pragmatism sometimes outweighed the faith required to trust the Lord would provide.  And Libertarianism seemed like a Savior for our current political nightmare. 

Fortunately, there was a LOT of ideas that I didn't feel a connection with at all.

As I more clearly defined what the different worldviews were . . .  I could more clearly see that I was either hypocritical myself (unfortunately a very good possibility) or brainwashed into adopting beliefs and ideas contrary to my liking or choosing.  In 1961, the Supreme Court recognized Secular Humanism as a religion.  I don’t know if Material Humanism or Post-Modernism, or Cosmic Humanism, or the millions of other worldviews are officially considered a religion yet, but it made me think.  Aside from the humorous aspect that all these Atheists, Individualists, and Polytheists who hold religion in such contempt are now considered “religious” – it also makes my melting pot of mixed up beliefs guilty of bigamy, of treason, of unfaithfulness.  That’s just not gonna work for me.

I know the Lord teaches us line upon line, here a little and there a little and over time, we can attain all that he has to offer.  But obviously I forgot that the adversary works in the same manner.  Although I have been consistent at attending my church meetings and living the Sunday School answers, I still had not only been exposed to but bought into some contrary doctrine and philosophies.  

I have to admit, while I've been weighing each idea and learning about this spectrum of beliefs that others may hold, I couldn't help but conclude that "People believe the stupidest things".  Everyones life experiences, training and education, temperment and personalities vary and so conclusions vary, even with the same external variables.  It does provide for a great variety of ideas (which I love), but makes it challenging to identify the real TRUTH.

I've heard it said, that "truth needs no defense".  That is a beautiful sentiment, but obviously by all these differing worldviews, truth is the most bitterly and subtly attacked.  I do believe it will ultimately win out in the end - but with all these multiple choice options, the casualties are many.

Intrigued, I began clarifying my own beliefs - outlining specifically my own philosophy, theology, pschology, socialogy, politics, law, ethics, etc.  - and the same thing stands true . . . People believe the stupidest things!  Myself included.  At least that's probably what it appears to an outsider looking in.  Fortunately, my belief has received the second witness - the assurer and testifier of truth.  I just KNOW. 

One advantage to this little exercise, I've not only broadened my understanding of other worldviews and perspectives (and it still continues because I cannot even come close to saying I understand it all), but I've clarified and fortified my own beliefs.  Now that I can more clearly see where I'm being inconsistent, I can step back, modify my approach, and be the person of integrity I wish to be -  the monogomist, the patriot, the Faithful.

Coping with Pain

Pain

Emotional Pain

We all experience it at some point in our lives. 

*A desired relationship never comes to pass

*Or a relationship we thought was forever has turned cold

*Questions that we can’t answer . . . no matter how hard we search

*Our foundation is shaken and we don’t know what to stand on

*A loved one uses their agency in a manner you know will hurt them

*The current trial seems unbearable and unfair

*Depression that blocks any hope -trapped by rage, fear, or helplessness

*Realizing “I’m not enough”

*Trying to overcome addiction but instead experience only bondage and powerlessness

*Feeling Stuck – unable to create the change in your circumstances

*Confusion – so many choices, which one is right

*An injury or disease that won’t heal in spite of your best efforts – this is compounded pain because it is both physical and emotional

And it doesn’t seem to help knowing that everyone experiences pain too.  My pain is personal.  My pain is all consuming.  My pain is preventing me from living life on my terms.  

As I consider my own pain and witness friends and family dealing with their pain - I’ve noticed a kind of grouping as to how people generally respond. 

The Quitter

General Jar-Jar at the first sign of trouble says “me give up, me give up”.   This fatalistic approach doesn’t even put up a good fight or preserve self through flight, but goes directly to surrender.  It reminds me of the juvenile response when others don’t play the way they want them to, so they threaten “I won’t be your friend anymore!”

                Those wounded in a relationship decide to never get involved emotionally again.  Those searching for proof but cannot find it quit caring completely.  (This seems to be the response of the so-called atheists/agnostics/deists/etc. because they cannot find what they perceive as a satisfactory solution from deity.)  Those who are weak and worn simply give in to addiction/inclination/temptations.  Those who are stuck continue the same course assuming that’s as good as it gets.  Those suffering from chronic illness or injury are resigned to a life of dis-ease and give up on the search for healing.  And ultimately, those who are discouraged to the point of quitting take their life (based on the false assumption that it will stop the pain)

The Dishonest

This is the band-aid approach to pain. The zit cover-up so that our blemishes have a false front. Not really finding any healing or resolution but a coping response that frequently makes the pain worse after the cover-up wears off or adds up.  We hide in hopes that no one will seek to actually see that we are vulnerable. This is commonly seen as denial, isolation, drinking, over-eating, putting on an act that everything is amazing.

                There are all kinds of love songs that portray the ‘It’s all good’ front but secretly still holding on to the pain of being alone.  The physically injured/ill adopt a lifestyle of popping pain pills.  The confused put on a mask and pick their favorite cover-up weapon.  The addict lives in denial that anything is wrong or that they can stop any time they want to.  The limiting belief of ‘not being enough’ is over compensated with cockiness or maybe humor.  The depressed hide under their facade until such time that they cannot conceal it anymore.  The seeker simply goes through the motions, hoping that something will make sense at some point.  And life’s trials become the trigger for the unhealthy response of drinking (and for those who don’t drink – use other numbing effects such as over-eating, work, watching mindless television, etc.)

The Fighter

Ready to engage, to fight back, to create change.  Sometimes bitter or motivated by resistance or revenge.  These are the movers and shakers, the pro-active creators.  Training and fighting like Rocky Balboa or changing their stars like Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein or Gandhi.   The fighter becomes their own Savior and rely on their own strength for deliverance.  Their heart is at war - taking matters into their own hands.

The soured relationship turns into looking for something different at best or seeking revenge at worst.  The unresolved heart sets out on a quest in search of the truth – investigating, questioning, weighing.  The concerned friend/parent sets about creating change to reach the heart of their loved one.  The overburdened puts together a plan to simplify or alter the conditions which they are experiencing.  The depressed take measures to cope with their condition in a healthy manner.  The discouraged change their focus to what they can do and choose to be content with things as they are.  The addict seeks help from qualified and supportive sources.  The trapped continue to resist the victim mode by seeking escape or salvation.  The physically hurt continues to search and apply efforts to heal and overcome. 

The Faithful

Trusting, hopeful, full of faith and vision, believing there is purpose in pain, and power in submission.  The faithful put their professed belief in God into actively exercising their faith in him.  Corrie ten Boom in the concentration camps is preserved by trusting and hoping despite her powerless circumstances.  George Washington endured the unbearable conditions of Valley Forge, believing that not only his cause was just but it was God’s will and providence that they would somehow win.  Their heart is at peace – no matter the circumstances. 

The one who is hurting in relationships turns to God for comfort, trusting that there is a valuable lesson to be learned or purpose in the transpired events – and trusting that somewhere, somehow the future will provide the companionship that their heart desires.

Those seeking for understanding continue to search but with a submissive heart - understanding that our purpose is to walk by faith and so we won’t be able to understand all things in this life but at some point in the future, all things will be made manifest, God’s mysteries will all be revealed, and we will understand completely and confess that God’s ways are just.

Those who stand on shaky ground or have been introduced to doubt, instead saturate themselves in what they know is true, doubt their doubts instead of doubting their faith, seek for Heavenly strength and fortify their foundation.

Those burdened with concern for others poor choices, put their efforts into the only source of hope and ultimate power they know – they pray God to soften their heart or bless them with a wake-up call before it’s too late.

Those overwhelmed by their trial pray earnestly for deliverance and seek to learn whatever lesson they are to learn with this situation so that they can move forward.

Those who struggle with depression understand that their perspective is currently tainted and hope for the good moments to break through the darkness to provide some type of relief.  They also understand that this trial is a temporary burden, only during this life, and that they will be free of its grasp for the eternities, if they endure it well.

Those discouraged by their inadequacies, recognize that they are given weaknesses in the flesh for a noble purpose, and God has promised an inheritance to all who magnify their abilities (talents).  And so they put their focus into what they can do, rather than what they are incapable of doing.

The addict humbly realizes that they have used their agency poorly to the point of complete bondage and are incapable of delivering themselves by their own power or even by the support of counselors or well -meaning friends.  Instead, they look to the Savior, accessing the power of the atonement to restore what was deceptively taken from them.

The stuck put their trust in the Lord’s desire for our welfare, knowing that a way is provided, but it is not for us to dictate whether that deliverance occurs in this life or the next.  Always praying and petitioning but still submitting to His will.

The confused eventually trust that the Holy Ghost is the only true source to heed and allow all the other voices, temptations, and options melt into the background.  Again not necessarily understanding completely the error of some options but trusting that the truth will be made clear at some point in the future.

The physically marred can only persevere by their trust that there is purpose in their pain, even if it is only to be an example of how to endure it well.  They understand (in their good moments) that this experience is but a small moment in time and they have the eternities to be immortal and perfected.

The good news is if one identifies themselves in one group but desires to respond to their pain in another – it is a choice.  Oh the power of choice.  

Swaying to the Source

There never seems to be enough time.

I’d like to be able to scroll through facebook each day and read all the interesting articles shared and follow all the conversations and debates that go on – but there isn’t enough time.

But every once in a while, I run across one, no matter how late, and I can’t hit the off button.  The thoughts or points made in a blog post and the comments after are so entrancing that I have to read it in its entirety. 

That happened last night.  I was ready to slip into bed and hopefully slip into peaceful slumber when I checked my notifications.  Someone shared an interesting blog post that had some valid points to consider.  As I read it, I could feel myself being swayed to the author’s points one by one.  It seemed logical and some of the points hit me to the core.  The sad thing - this author was in complete opposition to the course that I had taken. 

After reading the article, I quickly read the comments that were associated with the blog as well as the share on facebook.  The counter comments (supporting the choices I had made) seemed weak and without solid basis.  They were not moving or inspiring or logical in the least.  So I re-read the points in the blog that seemed the most powerful as something to consider analyzing my choice.  Eventually I shut down the devise for the night but it took a while for my mind to shut off.

As I lay in bed and again when I woke up this morning, I considered the arguments I was a spectator to.  Was there merit in them?  So many different perspectives – could both solutions be right or is there an absolute right for everyone?  How does one determine the truth of the matter when contradictory viewpoints both appear to be in the right. 

Then it occurred to me – Consider the source of my dilemma.  The points that logically seemed to have merit, the source was through my logic, my reasoning, and interestingly enough, motivated by my fear.  The points that seemed weak and poorly defended (again – the course I had taken), the source was more of a feeling, an unexplained assurance that it was right, and motivated by a trust that all things would work out for the best in the end. 

So here I had a Vulcan / Betazoid dilemma.  Do I trust the logical right or do I trust the feeling of right?  The head or the heart? The demon on my left shoulder or the angel on my right shoulder?

I suppose I could be wishy-washy and compromise both in a never-ending balancing act or justify the one because of/in spite of the other, but that seemed to be a cop-out and not a solution at all. 

In the end, I’ve concluded that if the heart and head are at opposition, I have to trust my heart.  Both can be flawed, but since I know the spirit of truth works more through my feelings than through my understanding, I would rather err on the side of hope and faith. 

Regarding the points that hit to my core – I thank the author of the blog for pointing out problem areas that need attention.  But I’m going to stay the course – finish the race – and fight the good fight, by persevering in what my heart tells me to be right.  

An Ounce of Prevention

I instantly felt sick.

The moment it dawned on me what was going on, I knew we were in big trouble.

Back story:  We've been receiving overdrawn notices from a bank account we were no longer using for quite a while now.  Every other day it seemed we were being charged $28 - $56 dollars for someone trying to clear a check.  My husband couldn't find the checkbook that the checks were being drawn from so we had no way to contact the creditor.  There are multiple reasons and complicated histories as the why's and how's to this story but the end result happened the other day.

I was finally updating that check register.  Each entry of a bank charge brought a heavy sigh as the debt mounted.  Then as I was verifying a check from my own (or the household) account, I realized what had been going on.  At some point, my husband had taken my checkbook out of my wallet.  And somehow it was replaced with this other, unusable checking account.  That was over two to three months ago.

And so I, unknowingly, had been the one writing all these rubber checks.  I knew his account was messed up because, well, he doesn't have the best financial habits.  But I thought I had a pretty good grip on the household account.  Actually, I thought I was doing better than I should.  The bills were paid, but for some reason I had this big cushion.

Well, the knowledge of that big cushion turned into psychological spending privileges.  I'm ashamed to admit not only for my husband but a little for me as well.

So when I realized what had happened and the sickness was being replaced by fear and anger, I ran to the bank so no more checks would be bouncing.  As it turned out the verdict was worse than I had anticipated.  I thought I would simply write a check from the household account to cover the checks but it turned out being about $2500.00 before bank charges.  That was a lot more than I had to work with.  And the checks that were bouncing were important ones like to the IRS or to help a friend in financial need.  The panic started all over again.

If I had just noted the checkbook when it was put back into my wallet, I could have prevented all of this mayhem.  You know the saying - 'An ounce of Prevention, is worth a Pound of Cure'.

As I was driving the 30 minutes between home and bank, I was trying to pull myself emotionally out of the state I was in.  I figured there was some type of lesson I could learn from this and I could probably blog about it somehow. So I began to consider how this event applied to other areas in my life.  Where had I been deducting from the wrong account and accumulating unnecessary debt or bondage? What other scenarios could be avoided by simply doing a little thing to prevent it.

I found the following parallels:

(Granted these little things are useless at finding a cure if I stand alone - but not doing them won't find a cure either.  I'd much rather err on the side of right so I have a clean conscience than to join the ranks of diseases.)

Freedom.  I remembered I had a similar gut-wrenching reaction when I realized that my choices were limiting or preventing my own and the nation's freedom.  There I was taking handouts from the government, not actively participating in the governing affairs at all, and enjoying the (supposed) freedom it was giving me, all the while not aware of the opportunity costs (or bank charges) it was incurring.  When I realized that I was the one cutting my own throat, it turned out to be a bigger cost than it would have been had I been personally responsible in the first place.  I was bought out - and I felt sick about it.  If I had used an ounce of prevention by not supporting a system that has overstepped its boundaries, then it would never have the power to abuse me.

Money talks.  Similarly I found that I like a good price over product anyday.  Yes, that qualifies me as a tightwad.  I find that I can do without just about anything if I don't like the pricetag attached to it. I despise debt.

This tendency has been debilitating to my own value system on multiple levels. Aside from keeping me stuck in scarcity mentality, experiencing a lot of lacks, operating in fear, etc... I found I could be bought out because the price was the ultimate priority. 

It took some intense internal analysis to decide that there are more important things than saving money. When my getting the best deal gave others an advantage to attack my core values, it was time to re-evaluate my priorities.  The best comparison I've heard is -

  

'sharpening the enemies sword'  

So he could stab me in the back.

By supporting them financially, I was supporting what they would be using the money for.  Now if that had been to build their business to provide jobs for others, increase their financial empire, or even to do some other noble purpose, that would be fine.  I'm good with that.

But when they use those funds to promote such evils as gay rights, or other liberal misguided philanthropy, all causes that I'm opposed to, I've joined the ranks of being a 'useful idiot' in the political world. I didn't see the opportunity cost of buying things cheaply.  My ounce of prevention here is support those businesses that support my values - even if it is more expensive.  The peace of mind far outweighs the cost of the product.

World Views.  There are  A LOT of world views out there.  Philosophies, ideologies, opinions.

What surprises me is the amount of people who adopt a world view without doing their homework.  Or flip from one to another without realizing where their own allegiance lies. Not standing for anything so they fall for everything.

This is probably the biggest opportunity cost because it involves our very direction in life.  If we view life's purpose to be to obtain pleasure... wealth... popularity... build empires... give service... obedience to a higher power... or just to get through with as little injuries as possible - it greatly affects what deposits are being made into what account, what withdrawls are being deducted, and of course, what the charges will result because of it.

If we are depositing our faith and support into one world view, deducting at pleasure, but it is in the wrong bank account - the penalties will be great indeed.

The ounce of prevention here lies in obtaining true truths - not just declaring what 'truth' works to your supposed best advantage.  And then live your life accordingly.  

Hypocrisy is a challenging thing to overcome, but the life of consistent loyalty to THE world view earns many dividends rather than penalties.


I know these little preventions are insignificant to the diseased world we live in.  But the ounce of prevention is a small and simple things that bring great things to pass.

My Victory Formula

It was one of those moments.  I'm sitting there listening to the class being presented when my mind is flooded with word phrases and ideas that seem too profound to just ignore.  I grabbed my portable device and started my finger sliding over the touchscreen keyboard.

Yes, I was probably inspired from the previous class that was on the atonement, and so it may have been the trigger that got my brain working.  But this is what I came up with:

     1.  Access the Atonement
     2.  Gratitude for the Vision
     3.  Meet the Minimum

ACCESS THE ATONEMENT
     All around us, people are building their own Tower of Babels.  Attempting to gain access to something that has only one possible entrance.  Whether it is climbing the ladder of success, setting goals with frequent course corrections, positive mental attitude, working harder or smarter, requesting from the 'universe', or any number of other partial power sources that beat around the bush without hitting the target head on.  

However, the atonement of Christ has genuine power - healing power, purifying power, saving power, redeeming power.  But the power that gets most overlooked is the enabling power.  Why would anyone attempt to be successful without accessing the power which increases their capacities.  

And all that is required to access this pure genuine power is to sacrifice our selfish pride.  Recognizing that we are not enough alone and laying our burden at His feet.  Repenting of the sins we've committed or the good works we've omitted.  Humbly seeking his aid and then submitting to his will, especially if it is contrary to our own.  Receiving His word through pondering, reflecting, and personalizing His teachings in our lives.  

Granted, it is not an easy step, but who ever claimed victory to be an easy process.  

GRATITUDE FOR THE VISION

Vision indicating our vision manifested as well as the vision we hope to create.

Our life's circumstances are the consequences of past choices or . . . opportunities for growth.  What we are experiencing right now is either God's manifestation of respect for our agency (even if it was a poor choice on our part) or a manifestation of His trust in our ability to grow beyond our current status.  Keeping that perspective helps me to be grateful for where I am, even when where I am is sometimes unpleasant.

Being grateful for what will come into our life is an expression of faith that God honors our heart's desire and . . . if it is right for us, will provide for our needs.  Sometimes in unexpected or miraculous ways, but I trust that he loves me enough to create the circumstances that are in my best interest.

MEET THE MINIMUM
There is too much to do in a single day.  There is too many good things to successfully prioritize based on that merit alone.  So when I say meet the minimum, take it with tongue and cheek because it is the goal, not the mandate.  It is the 1% principle.  It is the consistency effort of small and simple things.  It is the default when life allows these items to be attended to between crisis or unrelenting schedules.  

Since there is too much to do, especially with children, I like to pray that the most important items will get the proper amount of attention.  That may change from day to day.  One day, relationships may need to be strengthened as a high priority.  Another, it might be more important to put my home, my health, or my finances in order. 

These seven areas are my personal pursuits that require my time and attention in order to maintain as well as progress.  They are:
     1- Physical Activity
            This could be anything from working up a sweat or getting my own drink of water rather than being lazy and asking someone else to do it.
     2- Home Stewardship
            Daily maintaining is essential for my mental health, plus meals and laundry never cease
     3- Study 
            Come face to face with greatness, practice pondering, listening to audiobooks while busy
     4- LOVE
             Strengthening relationships by loving God, spouse, children, friends.
     5- Manage the Money
              Know where my money is, where it is going, and what I want it to do for me.
     6- Be a Force for Good
              This phrase resonates so strong with me that I know this is a deep inner desire.  As long as I keep the desire before me, I hope that I will be able to influence someone in a positive manner.
     7- Mission Momentums
              Momentums are the baby steps that get the ball rolling.  Once in motion, it tends to stay in motion, so I want to regularly do the babystep momentums that that will help me fulfill my life's mission.

There it is.  My Victory Formula.  Even if it doesn't produce the goals or material success that I perceive as necessary in my life, I know I will experience inner peace by focusing on these three things.  And inner peace is truly a Victory. 

Dis-Armed By Love

I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it myself.   Our enemy was completely disarmed.

I don't necessarily have an enemy, but we do have an neighbor who seemed insistent on being THE enemy. 

There is quite a lengthy back-story:
We moved out to the country so that our children would have the opportunity to work, learn georgics, and develop a quality character.  In my husbands vision, that included farm animals.  So over the five years that we've lived in this community we've accumulated a handful of animals that provide the necessities of life - chickens, cows, goats, sheep, pigs, etc.

Unfortunately, the road we live on sort of wraps around our property, so that everyone who drives down the road gets the whole panoramic view.  And we have a neighbor who seems to have dedicated her life to animal rights and protection.  She has constantly been snooping into our animal affairs - sometimes dropping off food sources, sometimes sending "concerned" e-mails, but mostly calling the county police officers to come investigate what she supposed was neglect on our part. 

With each of these incidences, I had been able to successfully persuade my husband to just let it slide.  She must be a very committed person to what she perceives as her life mission and as long as there was no truth to her allegations, we were doing someone else a favor by keeping her energies on us.  This reasoning had worked for a little while, but with each visit from our local law enforcement officer (which we could plan on about every quarter), his frustration mounted.   He was going to nip it in the butt, the next time it happened. 

So he began his homework.  He counseled with an attorney.  He requested a copy of all the police reports.  He hired a vet to come inspect our animals and provide a statement of their condition.  He had visited with countless people who knew the character and habits of this neighbor and found that his opinion and experience with her was not an isolated incident. 

About four months ago, we were able to take on a contract with grocers to get their garbage produce for our animal feed.  It was A LOT of produce.  There was no way the animal lady (what we affectionately call her) could complain about underfed animals now.  So we thought. 

The other night I received another e-mail from her expressing her deep concern about a number of things.  The first was our cow seems to have lost a great deal of weight within the last week, she was chewing on sticks, and the feed looked of poor quality and old.  As I was reading this out loud to my husband, I couldn't help but laugh that someone so dedicated to animals could know so little about them. 

Let me explain.  Our cow had just freshened.  The calf was in the barn to keep it warm during the bitter cold.  Having a calf is bound to have a cow look like it's lost a great deal of weight.  Animals chew on everything - they are animals.  They get bored and chew on anything they can find.  And the poor quality and old feed wasn't feed at all - it was straw.  It was set out in the pasture so the animals could dig around in it to keep warm. 

I couldn't even finish reading the e-mail before my husband was out of bed, searching for his clothes, determined to address this issue once and for all.  At first he was going to head over there, but for some reason decided to locate her phone number and call instead. 

He dialed and got the answering machine.  He left a message of his name and that he wanted to talk.  And then immediately he dialed again and started to leave a message when she picked up the phone.  I could tell by the steam coming from his head that this probably would not be one of his finest moments.  He proceeded to put her in her place - saying such things as her meddling in our affairs was harassment and it had to stop.  Even mentioning that County police could be considered an accomplice to the harassment.  He went through and disputed all her claims about the cow, the feed, and the non-importance of chewing on a stick.  He proceeded to elaborate the measures and extent that he has taken to take care of his animals.  He pointed out her contradictory passions of promoting freedom in America while infringing on personal privacy in regards to animals. 

I could hear her voice on the phone but not recognize the words as I sat across the room.  And I have to be honest.  Every other time, I was able to be disappointed in her intrusion on our privacy, but just forget about it.  However, I didn't have the advantage of time to forget this time, and I was floored by the audacity and ignorance of her e-mail.  So I not only didn't try to dissuade him, I was cheering him on by providing the words he was searching for in the conversation. 

Before I even realized what was happening, the tone of the conversation turned.  I'm not sure if there was a trigger, or just the goodness of my man.  He started explaining information about himself. 
He gave a history of his experience with livestock from his childhood and profession.  He shared how we had chosen to move to this remote location for the purpose of our children's upbringing.  How he knew the challenges of taking care of farm animals would build the caliber of person worthy of contributing to a free nation.  He explained how he understood the purpose for each animal and although it tugged at his heart to slaughter them when it was time (because he had raised them from birth), he knew they had fulfilled the measure of their creation. 

He explained how he was saddened that our neighbors assumed the worst in him, talking behind his back, and resorting to cops rather than being neighborly.  He explained what he had hoped he'd find by moving out here, but was a little disappointed.  He explained how if we would live up to our profession of Loving the Lord first and Loving our neighbor second - then we wouldn't have neighbors calling the cops to investigate in issues of concern - because the neighbors would be on a friendly basis and simply TALK to each other about their concerns.  He thanked her for letting him know that she had observed the pigs were trying to dig out of the fence, so that he could address the issue, but pleaded that she talk directly to him, instead of sending the police.  He explained how our children live in fear that we are doing something wrong because the police are always showing up.  Then he explained how her behavior scares him thoroughly for our nation because it has the flavor of communist countries.  Where they had the neighbors spying on each other so they could let the KGB or whatever officials know what was going on. 

Then he admitted that he really did enjoy her as a person but had a hard time with her intolerance of different preferences.  Using the analogy that some people like chocolate ice cream and others prefer vanilla.  It doesn't make one right and the other wrong - just different.  Our purpose for animals is for the sake of our children and self-reliant living.  Her purpose for animals is a way of expressing compassion for the weaker and dependent species.  Different, but not wrong.   Then he pointed out that we hear her dogs barking all the time.  How do we know that their needs aren't being met?  Should we call the police because we are concerned that she is not living up to our perceived understanding that dogs wouldn't bark at all if they were well cared for?

His tone had changed from threatening to trying to help her understand.  There was several different points brought up in that short phone call, but the feeling on his end had completely changed and I'm pretty sure her feelings had gone in a different direction than she was initially headed.  He had become clearer on his purpose and took the first steps to obtain his objective.  Being neighborly. 

As he crawled back into bed that night, I noticed we had received another e-mail from her.  She said she hoped I had heard the conversation and that I should be very proud of him.  She was disarmed by his responding to the impression to love instead of hate.

So he suggested we send her pictures of the new calf, and invite her to come feed him or milk the cow.  He really wanted to practice what he taught.  I'm still in awe of the transformation that took place within the conversation as well as within Grady himself.  And I'm grateful for the experience of witnessing the power of love over revenge.

REDEFINED VICTORY

I love the word "Victory". 
 

Something about that word resonates with me - more than success, or conquered, or triumphant.  It has a sense of personal mastery and overcoming insurmountable odds.

I choose every day to be the Victor instead of the Victim. 
 

I've tried several methods to help keep victory in my mind.

Everyday in school we have a positive review where we state one positive thing that happened to us, for us, or because of us - so everyday we are focusing on our Victories. 

I try to write down my victories in my personal blog (happeninghaven.blogspot.com) and I try to keep my facebook posts on a positive note.

I try really hard to recognize my 100% accountability (avoiding the blame game) in all my situations and practice having my heart at peace in my relationships.

I don't put up with kids who are stuck in victim mode. 

Through these efforts, I have to admit the process of seeing the positive is becoming a much easier and natural event now.

It wasn't always the case.  For years, I wouldn't be caught dead focusing on this type of thing.  I don't believe it was a conscious choice, but probably more a by product of not wanting to look boastful, or tactless, or even bizarre to be happy over miniscule events.  But when I realized that I was not only uncomfortable being victorious but was completely incapable of even seeing the good in my life, it began to worry me.  I couldn't praise myself for what I got accomplished and was paralyzed to seeing only the things that needed improvement. My false humility had created a healthy dose of stinkin' thinkin.

I guess I had learned to let other people give compliments and I outwardly say a gracious thank you, but all the while rejecting what they said on an internal level.  And so when I was required to come up with five positive reviews, every single week,  for a class I participated in, it was incredibly painful, and at times impossible.  I learned I had to prepare, an hour or two before class, simply to think of anything positive that I could report.  How pathetic is that?

So now positive reviews, victories, and basically positive energy come quite easy to me.  There are times that I still struggle but for the most part, I'm generally happy with how life is going. 

And then I get this insight while studying my scriptures this morning. . .

First, a little background.  The Lord is explaining how He used the Assyrians to destroy the hypocritical Israelites.  And the Assyrians are looking at all their conquered nations, and draw the conclusion that it is because of their own greatness, their leadership, their military strength that they had these Victories.  It never even occurred to them that the Lord ALLOWED them to conquer his chosen people because he wanted to teach them a lesson.

And so in my Scripture Journal, I jot something down along the lines of  "Don't forget the Lord is involved in all our affairs," and "focusing on our victories is a sort of Pride and lack of faith in him".

Oh . . .  my . . .  goodness . . .

Here I thought I was moving in a positive and improved direction by including the positive and victories in my life, but could I be every bit as guilty as the ancient Assyrian King.

It never occurred to me to consider the Lord is the cause of those little victories in my life.  Well, maybe in Sunday School lessons and possibly token acknowledgements here and there but obviously not enough to have my perspective changed from self to service.

It never occurred to me that our positive reviews and victories were actually perpetuating the pride cycle in our individual lives.   Hello!!!  Every individual and every nation that has ever fallen has been because of the pride cycle.  And the only antidote is . . . Humility.

 

 

 

Being grateful for our personal victories, rather than boosting self to boasting.  Recognizing there is a bigger picture than just me and a bigger purpose than my individual goals and comforts. 

I'm still trying to wrap my little brain around the fact that circumstances that are different than my preferences may be the very asset I need for something better than my vision.

I still choose everyday to be Victorious.  I still choose to accentuate the positive and de-emphasize the negative. But I'm redefining VICTORY.  It involves trusting that the Lord is using me to accomplish his purposes (not the other way around). It involves finding a way to be grateful for all my life's circumstances and not just the pleasant ones.  It is submission and gratitude.

And if I can do that, I truly will be VICTORIOUS!