Choosing HOPE

I have to. . . .

Consider the alternative.

My nephew killed himself today.  He has been battling with suicidal thoughts for several years now.  And even though he was getting counseling, had support from family and friends, and making a valiant effort to resist, his fight was in vain.

As I watched his parents deal with the loss, my heart was breaking for them.   They were numb with grief.  There was nothing I or anyone else could do to alleviate or share in the pain they were experiencing.

How does one find meaning in a tragedy such as this?  How does one even begin to pick up the pieces to put life together again?

I know I went through the whole gamut of emotions.  Shock, denial, guilt, anger, confusion, and deep sadness.  Some feelings such as the initial shock, were instantaneous and then on to the next.  Some were reoccuring sporadically such as I couldn't believe this had really happened.  Some feelings kept popping in there and I had to consciously reject it, such as the guilt that I hadn't done more and anger with myself for being so consumed in my own little traumas (which paled now in comparison) that I couldn't be there for him.  I even felt anger that I wasn't more in tune with the spirit to respond and possibly help to avoid this tragedy.  I was feeling lost and confused in being unsure what to do now.  How to help, how to cope, how to even pray for direction.  And finally the deep sadness, some of it from the loss of his life, but mostly as I saw the heartache from his death.  I watched each of my children go through similar cycles.   I saw his family experience these emotions at an even deeper level.

 And when all the tears have run dry and the head throbs from being emotional for so long - eventually a lighter side of perspective comes into play.  Whether it is finding and holding on to fond memories, or finding something worthwhile to put your focus on rather than on your grief.  At least for the moment, until the negative emotions press down again for another go-around.  Then eventually, with time, the deep feelings will lighten and the pain will turn to a dull but constant ache.

Yes, time can do miracles - but so can hope.

There's the kind of eternal hope that he will be reunited with his body at some point and that we'll be able to see him again some day.   And the hope that an all loving Heavenly Father is reunited with him now and so he can finally experience peace.  There's the hope that his eternal position and consequence is only a temporary punishment for the taking of an innocent life.  And the hope that his life and now his death will have lasting positive influence in my heart as well as in the lives of those who were fortunate enough to know him.

I suppose I could choose bitterment, resentment, victimhood, or build walls to prevent experiencing any emotion.  I could be so angry that I don't have the answers or understand "why".  I could blame God and say "I won't play with you anymore" because things are not turning out the way I think they should.  I could pretend it doesn't really matter or effect me.  That life has no purpose or no grand scheme - and go through meaningless busy motions so as not to experience the soul-searching emotions.

There are plenty of avenues that could be chosen.  But I choose hope.  Just like I don't have all the answers or understand completely everything about this thing called life - I choose to Believe in Christ.  And now that I don't understand completely everything about this thing called death - I choose the Hope that comes through Christ.  My nephew ended his life because he couldn't find or see the hope that was surrounding him.  And so I have to choose HOPE.

Pioneering Sacrifice

The following is the transcript of a talk I gave in church on 7-12-2015.

In the spring of 1836, my great grandfather (4 x removed), having been a convert to the restored gospel, sold his farm, settled his business and moved multiple times to temporary locations in order to move his family to Kirtland, Ohio to be with the saints.  One of the first items of business was to take an axe and cut a hole in the ice big enough for his friend, Wilford Woodruff, to get down and baptize his oldest son, my direct line ancestor, and several other children.  He later recounted that being baptized in ice water, froze him into the church, and he never would leave it. 

At that time, it was common for new male converts to be sent on missions directly after their ordination to the priesthood.  It was less common to be sent in pairs but always without purse or script.  However my ancestor, Jonathan Harriman Hale was sent in company of Elder Wilford Woodruff to the northeast and they relied on the kindness of the persons they met to lodge and feed them. 

In Canton, Connecticut, Jonathan recalled that as soon as a meeting to preach the gospel commenced in the evening, “the drums began to beat at the door and continued during most of the meeting.  After the meeting was closed with prayer, the people gathered around us and began to ‘gnash upon us with their teeth.”  After they were able to escape they retired to a grove and gave thanks to God for their deliverance.

As with other wives in Kirtland whose husbands were gone on missions, Olive Hale and Phebe Woodruff were lonely, prayed for their husbands morning and night, provided for themselves and their children, took care of business matters, procured and prepared food, planted crops, raised the children in the ways of the Lord, occasionally attended lectures and “sings” in the evenings, and coped with frequent illnesses.

Jonathon went on and filled a total of eight special missions for the church.  In Nauvoo he filled positions as bishop of one of the wards, colonel in the Nauvoo Legion, director of schools, collector of donations and tithing for the Nauvoo Temple, and recorder of baptisms for the dead.  When the saints were driven from Nauvoo, he was appointed to assist the saints from Nauvoo to Winter Quarters. 

While in a tent at Winter Quarters, a new child was born into the Hale family.  The next day, Jonathan Harriman Hale died (probably from Typhoid), and only four days later, his faithful wife, Olive, sick and weak from childbirth and malaria joined her husband.  The next week their 2 ½ year old daughter died from malaria and finally the new baby, only 22 days old.  So father, mother, and two daughters all died within a few week’s time and buried in Council bluffs in an unmarked grave, leaving four orphaned children alone and homeless and needing to cross the plains by themselves. 

WHY – Meaning and Define

One might ask – Why?  Why was it necessary to sacrifice so much?  Why is sacrifice even necessary? Or is it necessary at all?  Are we just making things harder than they have to be?

Like most things that pertain to “Why” – both its creation and its understanding, it is best to start at the beginning – at the purpose or the master plan. 

(Abraham 3:25)

We will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever

the Lord their God shall command them.

Proof requires evidence.  Part of that evidence can come as obedience or doing what we are asked to do.  Another aspect of that evidence is Sacrifice – what one is willing to give up in order to keep God’s commands.  We know that Obedience is the first law of Heaven and “To OBEY is better than SACRIFICE” but the very nature of obedience and sacrifice are interdependent. It’s almost impossible to obey without sacrifice.  And to sacrifice just for the means of sacrifice alone, doesn’t prove where our allegiance lies.

For instance:  For everything there is an opportunity cost, or in other words, for everything that is seen there is also something that is not seen.  In order to obey, it involves an action.  That is what is seen.  What is not seen is the loss of or deprivation of what could have been chosen instead. When one chooses to keep the law of tithing (that is what is seen), that choice also has the opportunity cost of not being able to use that money on something else (what is not seen).  If you look closely at all of God’s commands, obedience requires some type of sacrifice.

Fasting – Sacrifice of physical needs

           Sabbath – Sacrifice of time (1/7 of our earthly time)

           Word of Wisdom – Sacrifice of worldly pleasures

           Chastity – Sacrifice of worldly pleasures

We could take that one step further and find that for every sacrifice made or command obeyed, there is the unseen aspect attached to it.  A kind of cause and effect or consequence for our choices.  What the world sees as deprivation has the unseen results of blessings or refinement, preparation, added power. 

If we reverse that and look at the blessings as the seen, the sacrifice which is necessary to bring that blessing about is the unseen.  Make no mistake about it, All blessings require sacrifice of some type.  Even if we aren’t the ones who paid the price, it was purchased by proxy.  The freedom of this nation was paid by the blood of our founding fathers.  The opportunity to go to the temple was paid for in the blood, sweat, and tears of our forefathers.  And the greatest price paid for the greatest blessing available to all is that great and last Sacrifice – the atonement. All blessings require a sacrifice of some type.  

History of Sacrifice – Acceptable or Not

So back to the beginning of time.  We know Adam and Eve and their posterity, were commanded to make blood sacrifices to the Lord in order to point toward or remember the ultimate sacrifice that would be made by the Lord.

Those sacrifices on the alter - the burnt offering, the sin offering, the peace offering – were both symbolic of the Saviors atonement as well as evidence/proof of our obedience.

Can we make a sacrifice and it not be acceptable to the Lord?  You bet we can.  Cain was the first who, comparably speaking, went through the motions of saying his prayers or reading his scriptures, or keeping the Sabbath Day holy, without his heart in the right place.  The appearance of sacrifice is not the evidence the Lord is looking for. 

*There’s also the sacrifice which the sons of Aaron made that was not acceptable.

*Saul performing the sacrificial ritual rather than waiting for the authorized servant of the Lord. 

*Many ancient cultures made human sacrifices in an attempt to appease God – Abraham was being offered in this manner – but it is going through the motions without the sanction or counsel of the Lord. 

*What about the Rich man – we know when he was told to sell all his things, he went away sorrowing.  Even if he had gone through the “motions” of obedience he would have done it begrudgingly.

So what makes a sacrifice acceptable to the Lord?

D&C 97:8

Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken,

and their spirits contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice –

yea, every sacrifice which I the Lord, shall command – they are accepted of me.

Did you catch the current definition of sacrifice of a broken heart and a contrite spirit in there? The humble and teachable are the ones who go through the seen motions of obedience and it is their offering that is acceptable.

 -Lectures on Faith

A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation. …It was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life. …When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth’s sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know, most assuredly, that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not, nor will not seek his face in vain.  Under these circumstances, then he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life.

See the reason we’re providing evidence to the Lord or proving that we are willing to submit to all that he inflicts upon us – It’s not about being like puppets for his masterpiece.  It’s not about bringing glory or giving homage to God because we recognize that he is greater than we are.  It’s not even about earning brownie points in order to receive the reward of the Celestial Kingdom. 

It’s about us “BECOMING”.  It’s about us "BECOMING” It’s about us progressing and growing and changing into something more and it can’t happen without the sacrifice.  It is proving ourselves to ourselves.

The ancient definition of Sacrifice is: To make something or someone holy

We all understand that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.  Opposition develops appreciation.  And trials, tribulations, and hardships are the refining fire to remove the impurities from our character.  But those things are circumstantial in nature and automatically a by-product of mortal life.  However, the law of sacrifice is self-imposed, voluntarily turning up the heat in order to discipline ourselves, mold our character, and push us beyond the point that we could do on our own.  We choose it.

We have to choose covenants over comforts and remember that Pain provides purpose.

We have to choose covenants over comforts and remember that Pain provides purpose.

The ancient sacrifice was a blood sacrifice.  And prophecy tells us that the sons of Levi will once again offer a blood sacrifice in righteousness.  But the ancient sacrifice took a life.  Our blood sacrifice of today is giving a life.  It is a ‘living’ sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God.  Elder Christofferson outlined it beautifully in his talk on living a consecrated life. 

Modern Day Pioneers

But we live in the last days.  The world has got some pretty big problems and spiritual darkness is rampant across the land.  You and I have been reserved for these last days so that we will either face and change those problems or be a contributing factor to amplifying them. I believe we were born to change them or at best to resist the spread of them. 

We are the modern pioneers, laying the groundwork necessary, not only for future generations, but for the Lord himself to come and reign in righteousness.  No longer can good exist in regular circumstances, we have to fight for it.  And we won’t be enough to fulfill that measure of our creation without being willing to sacrifice.  Greatness is purchased with the price of sacrifice.

And the Lord will be testing each one of us to see where our heart and our allegiance truly lies.  Just as Abraham was required to sacrifice his only beloved son, as a test, each one of us will be tested in some way, geared toward our weakest point, to see if the Lord can depend on us to carry out his work. 

I’ve outlined a few ideas or characteristics that I feel are part of the modern pioneer.

.    

   Modern Day pioneers serve  – We can’t be selfish, self-serving, shallow, or even temporal.  But instead be a force for good and touch the life of someone

2 Modern Day pioneers are bold – That means we have the courage to walk away from that which can wear us down and keep us from our destination.  Testifying boldly in person or on social media while standing firm when the torrents of rage, name calling, logic and warped perspective attack.  Bringing children into this corrupt world and raising them in righteousness. 

3 Modern Day pioneers are governed by principles – not by popularity.  There is the example of the one brother who sacrificed his job because he refused to work on Sunday.  There is a huge pressure in the Mormon culture to keep up appearances of righteousness, without necessarily living all of the underlying principles.  Rest assured that will be tested.

4 Modern Day pioneers have not only private virtue but also public virtue.  That means that the needs of the many or the needs of the nation outweigh the needs of their personal interest.  I’ve heard it said that a person’s morals are determined by their pocketbook.  We may have to sacrifice what is in our self- interest for a greater, more important cause.

5 Modern Day pioneers lead – Recognizing what leadership needs to take place and going about setting into place those needs rather than simply complaining or waiting until someone else creates it. Listening to the call-out from the Lord to fulfill whatever is required for our personal mission. 

It is my hope with clarity of the history, purpose, and vision of the law of sacrifice that we will be able to prepare ourselves to become those modern day pioneers.  

A Heart at War

My heart has turned to war.  And I’ll be honest, I do not like it.

I won’t go into all the juicy details but suffice it to say a series of small injustices have been taking place toward a member of my family over the length of the past year.  With each incident, we tried to square our shoulders and make the best of it. 

Now, I realize that I’m hearing these accounts second hand and not witnessing them myself or being able to hear the other side of the story.  And so there is a good chance that I don’t have an accurate description of the details myself, but for the most part, I don’t believe the telling was coming from a victim mode mentality or a slanted perspective.

But I was shocked when the last incident played out.  This particular antagonist got promoted with sympathies and praise while we not only received a damaged reputation but other demotions that will affect our family severely. 

And I’m ashamed to say that my heart went immediately to war.  I was livid.  I embraced malice and had a desire for revenge toward certain individuals for the part they played in this soap opera.  I was angry that these people were not only getting away with it, but that others were trapped in their power struggle as well.  My heart at war demonstrated itself through raised voices and slamming of doors.  I found some excuse to go into town so that I could “run away” from the pain and get distracted.  

Basically, I was throwing a tissy fit. 

The anger was soon joined with fear.  Fear of the unknown implications what this would mean for us now. 

I knew I was in a downward spiral and needed to get out fast. 

And I knew the solution was to surrender.  Surrender my hatred, surrender my fear, surrender my pain, surrender my desires and ambitions and plans.  And so I began the process.  

I had to find something good about the individual who was wearing their authority on their sleeve.  I had to have a state change in order to bring my heart to peace. 

I considered going to his mother and asking her to sing his praises.  But she wasn’t available.   And so I spent some time pondering, trying to learn how to love him as I know Heavenly Father loves him – unconditionally.  Now mind you, I’ve never even spoken to this individual myself.  I only know of him in the context of passing and the role he played in “leadership”.  But I knew I had to find a way to feel genuine love for him if I was ever going to find peace in my heart and put myself in a state of positive energy to move forward. 

I won’t say that it was an easy transition, but I am pleased to say that it was accomplished.  Very much with the help of the Lord, I’m sure, as I prayed for a change of heart and a release from the bondage I was placing myself.  The amazing thing is that it wasn’t over the course of time or the distraction of other concerns.  It was almost immediately.  Once I completely surrendered and chose not to own those negative emotions – I was at peace.  Was it easy – not at all.  Worth it – absolutely. 

I still don’t know the end of the story – how things will play out, but I do know that whatever comes our way, I’m choosing to deal with it by having my heart at peace. 

A Matter of Perspective

It’s happening again.

My thoughts are out of control.   

Maybe I shouldn’t say my thoughts because I refuse to accept them.  If they were my thoughts, I wouldn’t be having this internal battle with myself.  Something, somehow I keep having these thoughts enter my head and because I don’t like them, I am forcing myself to reject them. 

It’s kind of like the feelings I experience once a month.  Around the time of my lovely feminine monthly cycle, I understand that chemically speaking, things are dramatically askew.  So I have to consciously not trust my feelings or perspective of what’s going on because I know in only a matter of days, I’m going to see things completely differently.  The things that seem monumental at that period of time are really insignificant to me the rest of the month.  The hurt feelings, the irritants, the tendencies to be grumpy and bossy – I don’t buy it.  It’s not my genuine self, and so as I recognize how I’m feeling or behaving – I choose to put it on the back burner for a few days to test if I feel the same after my hormones have adjusted to normal.  Nine times out of ten, the change in perspective is just as I suspected.

Now I’m not on my cycle but I am experiencing thoughts and feelings that are not of my own making.  And since my family has depression tendencies, I find myself experiencing deep sadness over these uninvited thoughts. 

Image by Samadi MD

For instance.

Since my husband came back from from New Zealand, where he has been for the past three months, my thoughts seem to be in a constant comparison game.  To what purpose, I’m at a loss. 

Within hours of his arrival, our children are much more obedient and compliant then they ever are with me.  That might be because of the natural respect children have for their fathers, but I can’t help but notice the lack of respect they have for their mother.  

Let’s face it, I’m no chef.  My focus may be on nutrition but primarily about removing the gnawing feeling of hunger from my family’s tummies.  But as far as making palatable or delicious foods with right seasoning or effective techniques – I’m pretty much a fail.  My husband enters the kitchen and all the kids are doing a happy dance because he is an excellent cook and focuses on what tastes really good.  Normally I’m grateful for his gifts and that’s the end of it, but now I’m feeling motherhood failure not only of nourishing my children with tasty meals but also being able to provide my husband with the joy of home cooked foods. 

The house is another thing.  I set up chores, systems, and accountability for maintaining the house.  But within a day, the house is cleaner and more maintained then it has ever been in the last three months. 

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  The failure realities are endless: Finances, emotional support, being 100% present, accomplishments, teaching, influencing others for good, even how I function when I’m sick – all are perceived as not enough. 

But I can’t help but wonder why.  Why am I being bombarded with these feelings and thoughts of a negative nature.  What is their source if not from my own choosing.   Why am I feeling paralyzed at finding or buying into my naturally pleasant and easy going perspective on life.  As I experience each thought, I’m recognizing it’s not my past personal belief, but I feel incapable of seeing the good qualities about myself. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m making every effort to annihilate them.  I know that I’ve found peace with my shortcomings before and even experienced the other extreme – only capable of seeing what I do good or my admirable qualities.  I much prefer that way of thinking because it is so empowering. 

There’s something more than the formula of GIGO.  I do not want or accept or create these negative thoughts/feelings.  But yet they are present all the same.  I choose to put good thoughts or focus on my good traits, but I’m getting this nonsense instead.

I have to trust that it is only a temporary warped perspective. That expression “Perspective is NOT reality” applies very well here.  I’ll continue to fight the battle within my own head and heart and I know that I will come out the victor for the mere fact that I’m not buying into the lies.  I may not be the source of these intruding thoughts, but I know I have the choice whether to entertain and believe or squash and dismiss. 

So excuse me while I prepare to do some squashing today. 

A futile Hope

My daughter’s home from her mission.  

Her number one desire for when she got home was to attend the temple again.  And so today we went.  

Image from lds.org

Yes, we had our typical obstacles- feeling sickly and it was probably best to not “share the love”, too tired on a busy day, temple closed, etc.  But today, almost a week since she came home, we made it. 

And it was awesome – just as expected. 

A couple observations.  I was a little surprised at the number (or should I say ‘numberless’) of patrons.  I guess I figured since the other local Temple was closed for reconstruction, and the smallness of the ordinance rooms, and my past experiences attending, that it would be a fairly “packed” session.   Not to mention that with all the troubles in the world today – a prophet of God chose the topic of temple attendance as the most important counsel for the next six months. Click Here to view his address. 

Hopefully it was only a lull in what is regularly full attendance.   

We arrived just after a session had begun and so we had about 45 minutes to wait in the chapel.  I picked up the scriptures and considered what revelation I wanted to receive today.  Deciding on a subject and offering a quick silent prayer, I randomly opened the scriptures and my eyes fell on the following verse.

                And the whole world lieth in sin, and groaneth under darkness and under the bondage of sin.

                And by this you may know they are under the bondage of sin, because they come not unto me. 

                For whoso cometh not unto me is under the bondage of sin.  (D&C 84:49-51)

Mind you, that was not the subject I brought before the Lord in my prayer, but I instantly knew the Lord was talking to me.

This probably requires a little back story.  For the last couple of years, I have been fasting and praying and seeking heavenly intervention in behalf of some loved ones who have chosen another path.  There have been times I felt my faith was in vain as I saw no outward appearance of a change of heart.  Other times, I felt I ought to put my energies into my own personal stewardships instead of hoping against hope that they would turn around.  But more often then not I ended up tagging a desire in my monthly fast, or holding on to hopeful anticipation that somehow they would awaken to the awfulness of their situation.    I wasn’t sure that I could love them more, or love them enough, to make a difference. 

And so when I saw this scripture, the words seemed to jump off the page at me.  The Lord wanted me to know that my friends are under the bondage of sin.  He had heard my prayers and felt my faith in their behalf, but his hands were tied, so to speak, because of their commitment to and bondage of their sins.  I felt certain that if their hearts were less hardened, if they would choose to be more humble or vulnerable or open, they would have already come unto Christ.  It's that darn choice that we fought so hard to preserve that is putting so many into bondage. 

I guess I’ve always known that sooner or later, IF they didn’t repent and return that I would ultimately have to come to terms with their choice.  I still don’t like to think of that because the gospel is one of hope and second chances – and I have to hold on to hope.

But the thought occurred to me.  Could I be truly happy in heaven, knowning that my loved ones weren't able to have the same degree of happiness. Does personal joy really compensate for the lack of joy that others have.  

I looked at those sitting around me and felt sure that I could create genuine relationships with any number of those who had remained faithful.  I was never going to be alone.  I was never going to be without joy.  

I don't know if the Lord is preparing me for that time that I will have to resign to the absoluteness that their choice is going to be honored above my righteous desire in their behalf.  But while they are still alive and while repentence is still an option, I'm not going to give up hoping and praying for them to become the victors.  And you can be certain that I put their names on the prayer roll as I walked out.  

A Dirty Analogy

“For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”  (Gen 3:19)

Really???

My total physical existence is . . .  dirt!

Kind of deflates the whole pride factor when you think of it that way, doesn’t it.  But let’s look at it a little closer.  What is dirt exactly? 

I know soil is a combination of sand, clay and organic material.  Sand is tiny, broken down pieces of rock.  Clay is more finely broken down pieces of rock (silt).  And organic material is, well - life gone bad. 

Ahhh  - so dirt is really only a transitional part of the rock cycle.

So now comes the question of what am I going to do with this dirty existence?  I know circumstances have a great bearing on the rock cycle.  Weathering and erosion, heat and pressure – you know, the trials and adversity in life.  Life seems to either break me down (to sediments) or harden me up (to rocks).  I can respond to adversity in the same manner – broken down to humility (or giving up) or hardened up to a firm foundation (or hard-heartedness). 

If I am broken down to humble sediments, I can take the organic material (the greatness of lives past) and a seed and make it grow into a beautiful tree that produces fruit and many more seeds for others to work with.  If I am broken down to failure sediment I will probably produce nothing but briars, thorns, and noxious weeds.    

If I am hardened up to a foundational rock, I would become part of THE rock.  The only sure foundation, which cannot fall to the weathering of adversity.  (Helaman 5:12) If I am hardened up to a hard-hearted stone, I’d most likely get in the way of a good seeds growth (a rocky field), or be used as asphalt to pave the highway to hell.  (For broad is the way that leadeth to destruction)

And so the cycle goes.  Dirt responding or choosing the response to the circumstances life presents itself. 

You might ask, how I came upon this analogy.  That’s where it gets interesting and maybe a little confusing.  It was from pondering this address on Joseph Smith.  Don’t see the connection?  I barely see it myself.  But a few points brought me to it.

(1)    The apostolic promise or prophecy that negative commentary regarding Joseph Smith will increase as we move toward the second coming. NOW is the time to obtain a sure foundation.  To continue the analogy, have Christ as the foundation beneath my soil so that I can produce vegetation – rather than float aimlessly in the air as a pollutant. 

(2)    I was wondering what the advantage is for stony people to speak ill of the prophet Joseph Smith or anyone else for that matter.  They are like hard heartened stones in a field that cause seeds of faith to wither away (compare to the parable of the Sower).   Is there name-calling, logic-proving, or faith-bashing done as a supposed service to the individual or is it a personal vengeance and agenda promotion of some sort to prevent faith from taking root. 

(3)    The question of “Why does the Lord allow the evil speaking to chase after the good?”  I’ve already learned the purposes of trials and understand the necessity of free will, so I don’t have a problem with the whole “Why does God allow” argument.  But it was interesting to see how it applies to our own refiner’s fire in the context of changing dust to rock. 

Just a reminder of how the rock cycle works.  If Christ is the rock and he continues to get pushed down beneath other sandy foundations – that rock will eventually melt due to the pressure and heat.  And then  -  KABOOM.   Explosion, destruction,  

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I think my kids are exceptional.  Really - they inspire me to and by their greatness regularly.  

But by all accounts, I believe they would have to fall into the normal category as far as sibling relationships go.  Commonalities? Yeah.  Being raised in the same home is bound to produce a certain amount of unity.  But the dissonances result in frequent cacophony and chaos. 

For instance

I give my children an assignment, such as pick up the living room.  (Usually this dictate is given after some company unexpectedly showed up at the door, and I’m painfully aware that we failed at the maintain order objective once again.)  Inevitably one of them starts chastening a sibling for their minor contribution to the mess (the whole mote and beam syndrome) or that they haven’t gotten on the task as quickly as they thought they should.  Instant faultfinding and bullying.  Maybe their guilty conscience suddenly kicked in or maybe they have poor coping skills of changing into work mode, but whatever the reason – attacking others seems to be the default. 

image from dailyexcelsior.com

Because I have older children, I have the privilege (finally) of having them watch the younger children while I am away from home.  I’m finding this to be a mixed blessing.  Frequently when I get home, there are tales of contentions and fighting.  As I trace it to its origin, I often find the one in charge demanded obedience from the others, and sometimes at the exclusion of their own involvement (meaning they didn’t have to work – only give orders).  Best described as unrighteous dominion.  This brought about rebellion and bitter feelings.  Surprisingly, this tendency to control others isn’t limited to when I’m gone.  Frequently, I am in the very same room as they are barking orders to their siblings.  In which case, I ask them if I could please be the mom this time.

 

New Era - May 2014

As I consider what might be done to remedy these situations and strive for peace in the home, it occurs to me that these childish behaviors are not limited to childhood.  And the sibling relationships extend to a much bigger family. 

Fault-Finding:  This is so ingrained in our educational system that we don’t even realize that we are stuck looking for what is bad rather than searching for what is good.  Like my children raging over others failings, we don’t want to have our weaknesses pointed out, and so the defense is to find fault with others.  For example I hear that Christians are among the most judging and hypocritical people out there.  The irony of this statement is amusing. 1) that statement is in itself of a condemning nature and 2) it is easy to find fault with someone who is trying to live a higher standard but fails - over someone who isn’t trying at all.  In politics, not only do we witness ridiculous mud-slinging between candidates, but with the differing parties or positions the result is personal attacks on the other party or cause.  Even within the church, we have all kinds of gossip, backbiting, and trips to the bishop’s office to file our complaints about another ward member. 

Unrighteous Dominion:  All of history is filled with someone usurping another person’s power.   Consider the fight to become the head hauncho (corporate ladder climbing, campaigning for leadership, kill the king, etc.).  Or the leader taking advantage of their position and attempting control (Signing executive orders instead of allowing the legislative branch to pass the laws, teachers requiring compliance rather than inviting to learn, even teachers/leaders of righteousness when they have their own unresolved sins).  Consider how disregarding the proper authority because of a superiority attitude (wives disdain for their “stupid” or “inferior” husbands, law breaking because it is a “stupid” law, justifying sin because it is infringing on supposed freedom). 

The list of childish behavior that is happening in society is pretty much endless.  I can just see Heavenly Father shake his head in discouragement much the same as I do when my children fight and quarrel in these manners. 

Strangely enough, I believe the memory of my bullying sister echoed the solution.  Whenever she didn’t like something I was doing her response was – ‘Oh, Grow up’.    

With my own children, I looked forward to the time when they mature and no longer feel they need to resort to such juvenile behavior in dealing with differences.  As I consider that the same behavior is being exhibited in “grown up” adults, maybe more than time and physical development, will be necessary to give them the maturity needed to be bigger than the problem. 

So in my search for solutions, I’ve come up with the following:

1.    Learn to Love

I don’t mean make a study of or practice real hard to love our neighbor.  That is important, but it is lacking the power to make it happen on a permanent basis.  Loving unconditionally, especially someone with whom we are in disagreement, is only possible as gifted from above.  As we look at all the sin and disobedience in the world, and yet still know that our Savior loves each one of us personally enough to die and provide a way for us; that is a mature love worthy of emulation.

Not only is it a commandment to love our neighbor but to also love our enemies.  The ability to do so, is from the same source as the commandment.  In our maturing process, we begin selfishly – loving those who do something for us.  Then our love extends to kindness, manners, or basic civility to those around us.  When we can learn to love others as the Savior loves all, then we have the maturity to interact with differences.  

2.       Discern between

Maybe one of the reasons that Christians are labeled negatively is they may be lacking the ability to discern between.  I know I’ve struggled discerning between condemning my personal weakness/sin and condemning my neighbor’s.  In the effort to put off all ungodliness, it can be challenging to identify the line of my stewardship between another’s. 

I think what has helped me the most, was my husband’s reminder of “they are not under the same covenant”. And if they are, remembering that is between the Lord and them – it has nothing to do with me.   As we learn to discern between by clarifying where that dividing line is, we can feel love for others without feeling like we are sacrificing our covenant.

3.       Assume the Best

There is great power in assumption.  When we can assume that others are doing the best they can with where they are, we can keep our own heart at peace and respond calmly, maturely, and in love.  When we assume they were attacking us maliciously, it puts our own heart at war – thus perpetuating the downward cycle.  I find it is always best to assume the best when someone behaves the worst so as to put a stop to the negative energy.  And then respond according to the golden rule. 

Now remember, it doesn’t say “Do unto others as they have done unto you” (that would be revenge).  Nor does it say “Do unto others as they should have done to you” (don’t should on yourself . . .  – or others).  But “Do unto others, as you would have other’s do unto you”.  (I guess it’s okay to would on yourself).

Wish me luck at teaching these success principles to my children and I’ll continue to pray for the world at large. 

To hear President Dallin H. Oaks address that inspired these reflections click here. 

Proof . . . ? or Truth

I’m a seeker

I don’t know if that’s a recognized profession but it is one of my favorite occupations. 

But there is a problem being a seeker.  As I seek for answers. . . . I usually, eventually, find them.  Unfortunately there are a lot of them.  From all different voices with differing messages.  Each answer claims to be the only correct answer and provides some type of evidence to support its claim. 

And so the sifting process begins.  Considering some, discrediting others, and searching for THE one.  I’m not naïve enough to believe that truth is limited to one source or cannot be multi-faceted, but still looking for the one understanding that brings my heart to peace.   

What is Truth?

So what exactly is truth?  And why are there so many possible sources which claim to own it?

 

It seems complicated but when you think about it – Truth is simply this   -  the mysteries of God. . .  which have become no longer mysterious, but acknowledged and applied. 

Now our understanding of truth is where it gets tricky.  One person may have a portion of truth, and claim theirs is the only way.  And in the respect of what truth they have, they are absolutely correct.  But it may not be the complete or whole truth.  A Christian who believes that Jesus will save them and take them to heaven, may be an absolute truth.  But it may not be the whole truth – or all that is available (such as a telestial heaven rather than all the father has to offer).  A scientist who studies and claims to have identified a secret of the universe (truth) may be dead on.  However, their understanding of truth may be limited to only what can be defined by physical evidence and is missing the spiritual/eternal/purpose aspect altogether – therefore, only half of the equation.  And so it goes with each claim to “hold the truth”

Our understanding of truth is limited to our experience.  What we understand (through our experiences) doesn’t necessarily equate with what really is.  In other words – Perception is not reality.  Take the ancient story of the Blind men and the Elephant for example. 

It was six men of Indostan, to learning much inclined, Who went to see the Elephant (Though all of them were blind), That each by observation might satisfy his mind.

The First approached the Elephant, and happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl: "God bless me! but the Elephant Is very like a WALL!"

Cried, "Ho, what have we here, so very round and smooth and sharp? To me 'tis mighty clear this wonder of an Elephant Is very like a SPEAR!"

The Third approached the animal, and happening to take The squirming trunk within his hands, thus boldly up and spake: "I see," quoth he, "the Elephant is very like a SNAKE!"

The Fourth reached out an eager hand, and felt about the knee "What most this wondrous beast is like is mighty plain," quoth he: ‘Tis clear enough the Elephant is very like a TREE!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, said: "E'en the blindest man Can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can, This marvel of an Elephant is very like a FAN!" The Sixth no sooner had begun about the beast to grope, Than seizing on the swinging tail that fell within his scope, "I see," quoth he, "the Elephant is very like a ROPE!" And so these men of Indostan disputed loud and long, Each in his own opinion exceeding stiff and strong, Though each was partly in the right, and all were in the wrong!

The Blind Men

Each of us are like the blind men - groping around trying to define the reality of the elephant (the universe, the plan, the purpose of life, happiness, etc. - AKA truth) by our limited capacity of perception and understanding.   Forgetting that the elephant was created by someone who is on a different plane of understanding - and that we are incapable of understanding in our current state. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.    In all thine ways acknowledge him, and he shal direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil" (Proverbs 3:5-7)  

Sure, we have aids and evidences. Some believe their leaders or peers or traditions or even their nation have them on the right path. Some believers blindly follow the bible or prophets or local ministers, trusting the 'committee of they’ have already obtained the truth.  Others choose to develop spiritual alzhemiers and instead utilize their own logic and reason, with fierce loyalty to being objective in their search.  But, in all honesty, we are still drawing conclusions based on our limited experiences without understanding the entire picture.

So what hope is there of defining truth at all, if everyone claims to have it, and yet every claim is originated on an assumption (theory or faith) at some point.  Is it even possible to really know what is the truth? 

Proof of Truth

There have been many attempts to provide proof that something is true through evidence, theories, logic, etc, but there is only one source that can PROVE, beyond any doubt, with ultimate authority, the most primary of sources, and cannot be disputed.  That is from the author and origin of our reality. God himself confirms truth through his spirit.

But this confirmation of truth is not easily obtained.  It is not a whole elephant at once solution.  And the requirements to obtain this proof is based on worthiness, diligence, and intent. 

"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day." (D&C 50:24)

Consider the parallels between the Scientific Method and the Spiritual Method.

Scientific Method                                      Spiritual Method

*Ask a question                                          * pray about ……

*Do background research                           *Search scriptures/ponder

*Construct a hypothesis                             *Receive inspiration/impressions

*Test hypothesis by doing an experiment  *Experiment on the word/exercise faith

*Analyze Data and draw a conclusion       *Become converted/born again

*Communicate your results                        *Share testimony/missionary efforts

The process for obtaining enlightenment is the same in almost every problem to solve, and although each process provides evidence and/or solutions (such as the conclusions of the blind men), only one provides the proof of the actual reality.

I think it is safe to say that there is a certain amount of absurdity in using the wrong instrument for a job.  For instance, washing a window with toothpaste won’t create a very transparent visual of what is on the other side.  Likewise, using candlelight to see in a dark room when it is a bright sunny day just on the other side of the door may provide functional sight but the shadows and obstructions prevent perfect illumination.  But yet, many search for spiritual, eternal, universal truths in such a manner.  Seeking understanding while discrediting the spiritual approach simply because they can’t see the entire “elephant” right away (also known as doubts).  But content with the line upon line, here a little and there a little approach through science, or trial and error. 

I’m gonna have to say I don’t understand this “logic”.   

Sure, faith doesn't have all the answers - Uhmmm . . . it couldn't be called faith if it did.  But it is the only sure way of obtaining all the answers or discovering the proof of truth.  

To refer to President Uchtorf's address, click here.